


Northbound

by hiccupfound



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Astrid Leaves, Astrid comes back, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Hiccstrid - Freeform, Like four years, Like very sassy, Lovers to enemies to lovers, and Hiccup is sassy to her, time has passed, very angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2020-01-24 16:06:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 52,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18574909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiccupfound/pseuds/hiccupfound
Summary: Hiccup is 17 when Astrid leaves Berk, choosing to explore the world beyond the island. When she returns four years later, everything has changed, most of all the boy she used to love.





	1. Astrid’s Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> So this is straight up an enemies to lovers trope, except it's more like lovers to enemies to lovers. ANGST. Hiccup is a SASSY boy. Astrid is OOC for the first few chapters, just a warning. She has been gone four years and she missed all the big battles and she's just kinda naive. For the most part this is canon divergence, all that happened in the first movie remains true, and the second mostly happened the same, except obviously there was no Astrid, so the way Eret joined their gang is a little different.

“If you leave, there will be no more of this.” He was begging, and he knew it but if this is what it took to get her to understand, then he’d get on his hands and knees and plead until the sun came up.

“I know.” She turned and continued to throw clothes into bag set out on her bed. She was packing everything, he noticed. Her drawers were completely empty; all that remained were the furs on her bed. My Gods, did she ever plan on coming back?

“We’re seventeen, do you know how amazing it is that we have something this incredible so young?”

She turned sharply, blue eyes blazing into his soul. “So I’m just supposed to stay here forever in the name of love? No, I’m seventeen, I’ve never left my island and I’m ready to see more of the world.”

“So you’re just going to leave me here?” He pictured them, 40 years from now, on dragon back travelling together, leaving their children to care for the village while they lived their last years exploring the unknown. 

She sighed, back turned towards him as she tied her pack closed. “I’m sorry, Hiccup. If you would leave with me, I would want that too. But we both know you won’t.”

That was true. As much as he wanted to leave and travel, he had an obligation to the village, and he took it seriously. He couldn’t leave, not for the length of time Astrid apparently wanted.

“How long will you be gone?” This was the question he was dreading, the one he hadn’t asked since she had brought up the subject a few weeks ago.

“A few years, at least.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and Hiccup almost asked her to repeat herself but no, deep down he knew he’d heard her correctly. 

Nothing could have prepared him for this. Two years ago, after they defeated the Red Death and he woke up and Astrid kissed him, he saw his future clearly. Adventures, dragon training, chief duties. All with Astrid by his side, supporting him, helping him and running the village with him, as partners. The vision had started to crack when she first mentioned the possibility of her travelling, but now it was completely shattered, the pieces so small he knew they would never fit back together correctly.

“If you leave, there will be no more of this.” He repeated the words but he still wasn’t quite sure what they meant. He wanted to sound authoritative and tough, but once again the needy tone seeped through and he sounded desperate.

“I know, Hiccup. I’m not asking you to wait for me. I know what I’m doing has consequences.” She cast her eyes down, hands twisting in her lap.

He was furious suddenly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Consequences? You say that as if I’m just a symptom of your life here. As if I’m just a bullet point on a checklist of things that might kind of suck if you left.” His arms were flailing and his chest was heaving and she wouldn’t make eye contact. That’s when he knew he was right, when he realized she would never love him like he loved her, like he needed her.

He shook his head slowly after a long silence. “I guess I should go then.” He turned on his heel to leave, but she caught his wrist and pulled him into her arms, lips firmly pressing against his, moving furiously and he was lost again, in the world of Astrid where she was the only thing that mattered, the only thing that existed. She dragged him down to her bed and tangled his fingers in her hair, vaguely aware that this would be the last time he would be able to do this. She removed his shirt and her bindings fell to the floor shortly after. They were locked together until exhaustion hit, Hiccup no longer able to keep his eyes opened, drifting into an uneasy sleep.

When he woke the sun was shining high in the sky, signaling late morning. He looked around for any signs that she was still here, her hair tie on the bedside table, her axe under the pillow. But it was all gone, only the faint smell of her skin lingering against the now cold pillows. 

Hiccup stood in the middle of the room for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes stinging with tears he stubbornly refused to shed. He looked around one last time before climbing out of the window, ready to face his day.

\---  
Four years later

“You ready to give this a go, bud?” His voice was muffled both by his helmet and the wind, but Toothless warbled his consent. Hiccup locked his tail into place, stood and jumped, with a loud yell.

The first time he had done this, he swore nothing would ever feel as good. But he was wrong, he knew that now. As he stretched out the wings in his flying suit, he confirmed that every time was just as freeing as that first. The warm wind blew loudly around him and he glanced back, seeing Toothless’ gummy grin. Hiccup shot him a thumbs up before turning and taking in the view.

He loved seeing Berk from this height. The trees, with their vibrant green shining in the summer sun, the dragon’s eating from the posts in the middle of town, the ships coming in, waiting to be greeted by the-

“Oh Gods, Toothless we gotta get down there right now!” They fumbled for a moment, never truly figuring out a smooth transition to get Hiccup back in the saddle. When he was locked back in he directed Toothless towards the dock, where he could see two boats now anchoring.

They landed roughly, having come in too quickly and Hiccup took a few stumbling steps before removing his helmet. The boats were already beginning to unload and people were hopping off, so Hiccup quickly started introductions without truly paying attention to what was happening.

“Welcome to Berk, everyone! Sorry I’m late, I uhh- was scouting the land for some of our new projects!” That sounded like something the person in charge would say, right? 

“Nicely done, chief.” Eret approached from behind, clapping him on the back painfully.

Luckily, no one seemed to be paying too much attention to Hiccup’s rambling and he and Eret assisted in unloading the ship’s cargo, introducing himself as Berk’s chief to the boat captain and crew.

When everything had been taken care of, Hiccup and Eret walked back to the main part of town, discussing construction plans and what to do with the influx of dragons. He was so enamored in their conversation that he almost didn’t notice the blonde coming to stand in front of him.

He stopped in his tracks and looked up, talking without really seeing. “Hello! Welcome to Berk! I’m- Astrid?” He was frozen with his hand extended halfway out, his usual chiefly speech stuck in the back of his throat.

“That’s so weird! My name’s Astrid too!” She punched him in the shoulder and it was so much like old times that Hiccup suddenly felt a foot shorter and forty pounds lighter. It wasn’t pleasant.

She looked so different that if she hadn’t put herself directly in his path, he probably could have passed her by and lived his life in ignorant bliss, thinking Astrid was in some far off land. He glanced over her a second time. 

Her hair was shorter he noticed, as it hang loose around her shoulders, falling just below her collarbones, and it looked shinier than he remembered. Her face had rounded in a flattering way and as his eyes skirted down further he saw her feminine figure that wasn’t there all those years ago and felt his mouth go dry. He didn’t dare to look into her eyes, afraid they would recall too many memories. 

“No- hi it’s uh, good to see you’re back! The gang is probably at the great hall, you should go visit them.” He gave her a light pat on the shoulder before walking around her, Eret and Toothless on his tail.

“What was that all about?” Eret was glancing over his shoulder, where Hiccup was sure Astrid was still standing, mouth hanging open at his icy welcome home speech.

“That, back there? That’s baggage, years and years of emotional turmoil that I tucked away and I sure as Hel don’t have time to unpack it now.” He was getting angrier by the minute. Who gave her the right to just come back and decide things were normal? Four years was a lifetime at this age, she doesn’t even know him anymore! 

He headed to the forge then, suddenly eager to help construct building materials. He bid Eret goodbye and turned towards the sounds of hammers pounding against metal. When he entered the small building, he saw Gobber, scolding Grump by the anvil.

“How’re we supposed to melt metal if you can’t keep the fire lit?” He looked up when the door shut. “Hiccup! Finally remembered you’ve been promising me help now, eh?”

“Never forgot Gobber, just been busy trying to figure out how to get all the rebuilding done when the ice won’t melt.” The battle against Drago and the alpha had taken place nearly a year ago, and the village was still suffering from the damage. The ice was thick and Berk hardly got warm enough for all of it completely melt. The dragon’s fire helped, of course but it was a tedious and exhausting job that no one seemed to want to help with.

A knock on the door pulled Hiccup from his thoughts and he turned to see Astrid.

“Astrid, Mighty Thor I didn’t know you were back!” Gobber went and folded her into a strong hug that lifted her off the ground momentarily.

“Funny, I just saw Hiccup so you’d think he would have mentioned it.” The sarcasm dripped off her words and Hiccup gritted his teeth to avoid voicing the sassy retort that hung in the back of his throat.

“How were your travels, dear? You have to tell me everything! I hear you went south, how was that?” Gobber pulled up a stool and offered it to Astrid, she glanced toward Hiccup, whose face remained blank. She sat down anyways.

“Yeah, I went south. It was incredible, the water over there is so blue and the people live so differently.” Hiccup began pounding, the sound of hammer against metal serving to drown out Astrid’s voice. 

Was she really here to try and brag about her adventures to him? He wouldn’t have it, he wouldn’t listen as she retold her tales of knights and princes, golden sand and the most free she has ever felt. No, he was good.

When he had finished with the tools, he was surprised to see the two were still talking and- laughing? Gods, who gave them the right to laugh when he was so angry? He couldn’t take it any longer. He threw the hammer down roughly and turned to Gobber.

“I’m going to go check on how the ice melting is going. Let me know when you need more help.”

“Ice melting?” Astrid’s eyes were filled with humor, as if they were telling some kind of joke and it only served to increase Hiccup’s irritation. She clearly wasn’t aware of anything that the village had suffered, and here he was trying to fix it while she laughed about the thought of ice removal.

“Aye lassie, you aren’t the only one who's been on a crazy ride these last few years.”

Astrid thought on that for a moment. “Well maybe Hiccup could catch me up.” She made as if to get up and follow him out.

“No, really, I’m very busy at the moment.” He put his hands out, signalling for her to sit back down.

Gobber rolled his eyes. “The chief is always busy, Hiccup. Take her with you.”

“Chief?!” Astrid’s eyes bugged out and my Gods, had she really kept herself that ignorant to the changes of her home?

Hiccup sighed before opening the door and signaling for her to follow him. She stood and hurried behind him. She seemed like she was struggling to keep up with his pace and that annoyed him, because Astrid was always the one moving fast. Hiccup had to practically run to keep up with her and now the tables were turned. 

He glanced over and noticed her relaxed posture and for a moment he envied her. She left and she looked all the better for it. Her skin was golden from a tan that would never be possible on Berk, her lean muscles were still there but they weren't the same. He knew, somehow that she had stopped yielding her axe. Her definition was different than he remembered and she probably didn't have to fight anymore, so it made sense. She hadn’t spent the past four years training and battling like the rest of Berk, like she used to, so of course her body had changed, adapting to whatever work out she decided suited her best.

“Chief.” Astrid repeated and looked at him, a nervous glint in her eyes. But her chin was held high and there was a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Yeah well, didn’t have much of a choice.” He didn’t want to tell her, he realized. All of the craziness that had happened in the past four years and he didn’t want her to know any of it.

“What do you mean?” He remained silent until they reached the part of town that was most damaged and he heard her gasp.

Good, he thought. Feel the shock and outrage that I’ve been dealing with for the past year.

“Ice dragon,” he said, answering the question he knew would be coming. 

“How?”

“I don’t really have time to talk now, but if you head to the Dragon Academy, everyone should be there and they’d be happy to fill you in.” He whistled for Toothless then, and the dragon appeared within seconds. He mounted him and then flew off to help assess the best place to get started with the melting expedition.

\---

It was just past dark when Hiccup entered the Great Hall, exhausted and starving. It was nearly empty, except for a blonde head in the far corner.

Hiccup groaned, exasperated and feeling like he was being stalked. He contemplated turning around and heading home, but his grumbling stomach protested, so he moved forward, hoping she would take the hint he dropped earlier and not approach him.

He was only sitting for about thirty seconds before the bench in front of him squeaked. He looked up and locked eyes with Astrid. He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

“I just need to talk to you, okay? You don’t even have to respond.” Her voice carried a seriousness that brought him back to that first real conversation they’d ever had. 

“You know you’re gonna have to kill a dragon.” He could still feel the shiver sent down his spine by these words, almost as well as he could feel her arms wrapped right around his waist. He shook himself back to the present.

“I’m engaged.” He brought his eyes up to hers then, waiting for the punchline. She was silent a moment, probably waiting for a reaction but he had spent too much time working on shielding his expressions, not even this could catch him off guard. She pushed forward roughly.

“It’s been about a year since we met and he proposed not long after. He’s from a small town in the south and I told him I had always planned on returning home and he said he’d come with me and..” Her eyes had taken on a dreamy state and he wondered if she ever got like that when she talked about Hiccup. He couldn’t picture it, this Astrid was a complete stranger.

“We want to get married here, before summer is over.” She looked at him expectantly and he wasn’t sure why she was telling him this, it wasn’t his business anymore and then realization hit him hard.

He was the chief. He would have to marry them.

He pushed his food back, suddenly without an appetite.

“Send me the details, preparations must begin soon if you want it before fall.” He moved to stand and Astrid laid a hand over his arm, freezing him in place.

“I’m sorry.” She really did look it, too and that was the worst part. She had clearly moved on, why was it so hard for her to imagine that he might have done the same? Her pity soured in his stomach and he snatched his hand away harshly.

“Please try and approach me with chiefly matters at a more appropriate time from here on out.” He stormed out of the hall, not needing to look back to know her angry glare was fixed on him.


	2. Hiccup’s Patience

Hiccup awoke to pounding on his front door. He peeked over Toothless, who was asleep at the foot of his bed, to see that it was still dark out. He sighed and flipped over, closing his eyes again. If this was an emergency then he would be able to hear the panicked screams of his villagers, but the night air was still and quiet. 

He groaned and rubbed his eyes begrudgingly when the knocking persisted. The wood was unpleasantly cold when his feet hit it and he was tempted to wrap his furs around his shoulders, but refrained in the name of looking chiefly. When he opened the door a blur of blond flew past him and he turned to see Astrid, standing in the middle of his living room, hands on her hips and looking furious. 

“Astrid? What in Thor’s name are you doing here so early- or late? What time is it?” Hiccup closed the door, walking to sit at the kitchen table. 

“Approach you at more appropriate time? How could you say that to me?” She began pacing circles around the table. Apparently she wanted to skip pleasantries, and he was fine with it. That meant he could kick her out sooner. 

“Well I should really thank you for waiting until a more normal hour, I’m glad to see how much you respect your chief.” He stood, hands on table, leaning towards where Astrid was glaring at him. 

“Chief? Please Hiccup, don’t try that act on me.” 

“What makes you think you have any right to talk to me like this, to act like we’re friends?” He knew it was a low blow, knew that she was trying to do the mature thing by pretending like their relationship had never happened. But Hiccup had spent the past four years making peace, signing treaties and taking care of his village. He was so Thor damned tired of acting older than he is. 

Astrid paused in her movements and suddenly she looked awkward and out of place and it made Hiccup’s stomach turn. He never thought he’d see the day where Astrid didn’t belong. 

“So you just get to choose to throw our friendship away without consulting me?”

Hiccup scoffed as he felt the blood pulse through his veins. Who knew Astrid, the person who had pledged at the age of five to defend her village from dragons, was this selfish and narrow minded. 

“News flash,” he threw his arms above his head, “You’re the one who chose to leave. If I remember correctly, you said you understood your consequences. You even told me you didn’t expect me to wait for you, which is good news apparently, because you sure as Hel had no trouble finding someone new!” His hands were shaking now and he wished he could calm down, to act like he didn’t care and ask her to get out of the house. He had all the power to do that, he was the chief after all. But still he stood there, stuck in a glaring contest he was too damned stubborn to lose. 

“So you’re so up your own ass that I found love outside of your island that we can’t even be civil?” 

“What about the way you left made it look like we would ever be friends again?” He was yelling now and he tried to remember the last time he felt something so strongly, but all that came to mind was waking up in Astrid’s room, space beside him empty. 

He walked to the door then, putting his hand on the knob before speaking. “You don’t get to just come back and pick up where we left off. You might be Astrid, but that doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.” 

She glanced down at her feet, looking less angry and more hurt. He didn’t know which emotion made him more furious. What made her think she had the right to be upset when this was all happening because of her own actions?

She walked closer to him then, blue eyes shooting daggers through his soul. “What an arrogant chief you turned out to be.” She turned the knob with his hand still on it, then stormed out. 

He stared at the door for a few minutes, rubbing his knuckles where her touch still burned. After a moment he called for Toothless and then the two of them were off for a very early morning flight. 

—-

The sun was beginning to peak above the horizon when he landed and the streets were starting to fill with people. As he climbed off Toothless he was approached by a number of different villagers, all with different problems that needed immediate fixes. 

Some days he swore he wasn’t made for this type of job. He remembered the day his dad told him he was ready to make him Chief. Hiccup had flown off on Toothless and didn’t return until the other dragon riders found him three days later, Snotlout keeping him pinned to the saddle the entire way home, lest he attempt another escape. 

It’s not that he didn’t love being chief, he did, really. It was more that some days, like today he wished he could have a day off, fly to a distant island and just lay listening to the waves. But there was never a day that an emergency didn’t happen and he couldn’t bear leaving his villagers distressed. 

He had many times where he would be forced to leave his islands for political reasons. He loved the opportunity to explore new places, but with the ever-looming thoughts of Chief meetings he could never truly enjoy it. He was often accompanied by other members of his council, which it was nice to have support but he was never able to be truly alone. 

After he had completed his morning to do list, he headed to the Great Hall where his friends sat, a bowl of stew at his normal place. He plopped into his seat and took a grateful bite. 

Ruffnut gave him a curious look before turning to Snotlout and speaking loudly. “Hey babe, did you hear that shouting in the middle of the night? Sounded like a couple got into a pretty big fight.” She stared at him while taking a sip from her mug.

Hiccup choked on his food but said nothing. Though by the knowing look on Ruff’s face, he didn’t need to. He glanced over at the others, who were all snickering and avoiding eye contact.

“Glad to see how quickly my people turn on me.” He wanted to be mad at Ruff for renewing her friendship with Astrid so quickly. After all, she had left them, too. But truthfully he was more relieved that even though they had clearly made amends, she was still here, sitting with him and their group of friends, while Astrid sat across the hall alone. 

After Astrid had left, Hiccup feared everyone else would lose interest in him. To Hiccup, the best parts of him were wrapped up in Astrid. He had spent the first few weeks trying to keep to himself, afraid to face them and hear their age old taunts. But they seeked him out, kept up with their weekly adventures and even seemed to enjoy his company, regardless of Astrid’s presence. Still, he worried that with her back he would once again be overshadowed, by her beauty, her presence, her boldness and whatever else she had to offer. Ugh, whatever, Hiccup thought. 

“Gotta say, I really thought you and Astrid would be back together by now, Hiccy.” Tuff spoke around a bite of mutton and Hiccup rolled his eyes at the nickname. 

“Please, she couldn’t handle all this.” His joke earned not even a single laugh from his friends and he shook his head gently. “Tough crowd today.”

“So you’re saying you didn’t go begging her to take you back the second her boat anchored?” Snotlout shot him a dubious look. 

“I was seventeen when she left, she’s hardly the most exciting thing to have happened to me. You all should know that best.” He ignored the pit in his stomach as he thought of the last four years and pushed on. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a village to run.” He took a few more large bites before jumping up. 

He felt eyes on him and he looked to Astrid, who was now standing by the doors. He hesitated a moment before pushing forward. This was his village dammit, she couldn’t treat him like this. 

“Good morning, Chief.” She gave a sarcastic salute and he hoped she didn’t notice the red rising above his collar. 

“Astrid, where’s your betrothed? Just wondering if he’s as fake as this personna you’re putting on.” Her jaw dropped and the satisfaction Hiccup felt was so immense that he tipped his invisible hat before brushing past her. 

When he stepped foot onto the soft ground, he headed towards the arena where dragon training would be starting. He hadn’t walked but a few feet before an orange stormcutter landed next to his path. He watched as his mother gracefully climbed down and fell into step beside him.

“You look positively exhausted.” She raked her eyes up and down and then met his with a raised brow.

He dismissed her concerns with a wave of his hand. “You know how it is… being chief.” He would normally call himself an excellent liar, but there was something about Valka that made him want to spill the truth to her at all times.

“It is a busy job, that’s true. And I know it has been a while since I lived in a chief’s home, but I just don’t seem to recall there being quite so much yelling at night.” She gave him a curious look, not trying to prod, but letting him know she was there to listen. He suppressed a groan. Had the entire village heard or was Astrid just that ready to bad mouth him to anyone that would listen?

“It’s funny you mention that, because I think that’s the one thing dad was lacking. He didn’t get angry enough, especially at night. I gave it a shot, you know trying to be the best chief I can involves some trial and error, but it didn’t feel right.” He paused. “Hopefully I won’t be tempted to try that again.”

“Pretty blonde that came off the ship yesterday.” Her gaze stayed forward but he saw the smile tugging at the edge of her lips.

He was wrong, she was prodding and how in the world did she know about Astrid? He can’t imagine he’s mentioned her, though it was true that after a few sleepless nights his mouth did tend to talk without permission…

“What do you want to know, mom?” He gave up, too tired to try and deflect.

She gave him a long look before taking the pack off her back and handing it to him. “Dagur sent a letter. He requests the help of the Chief of Berk with identification of a dragon species.

“That’s what he always says.” Hiccup shook his head. “What do you think the actual reason could be?”

“I don’t know, but there’s enough food and supplies in there for you and a few others.” She let her unspoken words hang in the air. She was right, he should probably take the other riders with him, but the thought of a few days alone sounded so appealing.

They arrived at the academy then, all the teachers, riders and- Astrid. Of course Astrid would be here, talking and laughing with his friends. Did they know no loyalty?

“Where are you going?” Snotlout eyed his bag suspiciously. 

“Dagur requested service of-”

“Dragon identifying.” The group chorused and Astrid gave them a bewildered look.

“Dagur?!” Her voice was worried and Hiccup pointedly ignored her.

“When are we leaving?” Eret called for Skullcrusher with a low whistle.

“Someone needs to stay behind to watch over the village.” He looked behind at Valka, who was close by and pretending not to listen as they talked quietly. 

“You all go, I’ll be fine, Hiccup. It’s not my first time, you know.” She winked and he gave her a grateful nod before turning to the group. 

“Let’s go, gang.” It wasn’t uncommon for them to leave at a moments notice and the group was always prepared to leave the island. They all mounted and Astrid grabbed his leg roughly before he could take off.

“I want to go.” Her eyes were hard and he released her grip before shaking his head.

“You don’t get to just jump in and attend diplomatic meetings.”

“Diplomatic? It’s Dagur, Hiccup.”

Ruffnut let out a chuckle before saying, “Let her come. Give her a taste of what she’s been missing.” 

Hiccup thought on that a moment. Last time she was here the Berserkers and Houligans were at war. She had no idea they made peace years ago, no idea what he had almost lost during that war. He glanced up at Stormfly, who chittered happily at him.

“Let’s go, then.” Then he was in the air, hair flying wildly and concealing his vision briefly. He savored the feeling before they levelled out, headed to a political obligation.

\---

As it turned out, Dagur really did need help with dragon identification. Fishlegs agreed to work on a Book of Dragons for the Berserker Tribe and they set a date for Dagur to sail to Berk and collect the materials.

While the two tribes had made peace years back, the Berserkers had made much slower progress with integrating dragons into their island. Most still seemed fearful, others unsure how to approach them. Dagur was often calling the Chief of Berk from his home for menial tasks. Hiccup’s favorite was the time Dagur claimed there was a dragon stuck in the tree.

“Dragons can fly.” Hiccup had stated, rubbing his sore back. He had just returned from a hectic raid when his mother handed him the note and he had flown over right away.

“So I’m just supposed to leave it there? What if it goes to sleep and then falls out of the tree?” The man looked genuinely panicked and Hiccup put a hand on his shoulder.

“They’re smart beasts. He’s gonna be okay.” 

Dagur’s voice brought him back to the present. “Thanks for everything, brother. Oh and congrats on getting your girl back.” he rubbed his shoulder ruefully. The moment they had landed Astrid was out of her saddle and attacking Dagur, who let out an embarrassing squeal in return.

“She’s not my girl.” Hiccup said flatly, before gesturing to his injury. “Sorry about that, she wasn’t aware of our peace treaty clearly and uhh, we brought her along to prove a point but maybe we should have explained first…” He trailed off awkwardly.

“Maybe just keep her home next time. Not quite the political leader I always pictured.” He was glancing at the spot where she had settled, petting Stormfly and looking at the boys’ exchange curiously.

There was a lot he wanted to say, eager to take any chance to bash Astrid, but he bit his tongue and extended his hand out instead. “Brother.” He held back his cringe, as this was part of the peace treaty agreement. Dagur refused to sign until it was included.

A large grin split his face as he took his hand. “Brother.” And then Hiccup turned away, back to where his crew was waiting just a few feet off. Astrid was laughing, apparently finding the conversation hilarious.

“Did you- did you just call him brother?” She was standing now, hands on her knees as she was overthrown with joy.

“Yeah, I did.” If they were alone then he was sure he’d have something more snarky to say, but he felt the eyes of his friends on him so he resisted.

“Brother, my Gods I can’t believe he talked you into that one.” She wiped tears away from the corner of her eyes and Hiccup couldn’t take it anymore. 

He grabbed her elbow and pushed her onto to Toothless sharply. Stormfly moved as if to save her, but Toothless gave a barking command and then all the dragons’ heads were bowed. Hiccup climbed on the saddle in front of her and directed Toothless in the air, seeking out the spot he wanted. When he found it they landed roughly and Astrid let out an irritated scoff.

They were at a river, one Hiccup hoped he would never see again. But clearly Astrid needed to know what had happened.

“What are you-” 

He pointed sharply to a spot on the edge of the water. 

“That’s where they laid Snotlout, sticking his head repeatedly into the river until he fell unconscious. They would then resuscitate him, give him a few breaths and stick him back under.” He turned to a tree. “That branch right there is where they hung Ruffnut by her ankles, forcing her to watch as they repeatedly attempted to kill her boyfriend. They told her when they were finished they would cut her down and leave her to bleed out.” He took her shoulders and made her face a large boulder on the other side of the river. “That’s what they tied to my legs before they pushed me in. I watched as my team got tortured until the water level rose, becoming too high and eventually covered my entire body.”

Her frame was still and she remained silent long after Hiccup had finished. There were so many other things he could tell her to make her feel even worse, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it.

“If calling Dagur brother is the sacrifice I have to make to keep my friends alive, then I think you can keep your mouth shut about it.” He mounted Toothless and waited as she climbed on behind him. He flinched when she laid his arms around his hips and she pulled back, grabbing onto the saddle instead.

When they landed back with the others, Snotlout gave him a strange look and he shook his head. He thought back to the nightmares and moments of panic that would overwhelm him in the years after that event. He wouldn’t force him to relive those memories.

“Let’s get out of here, we can camp on our usual island.” The voices around him consented before they took off into the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow me on tumblr @hiccupfound


	3. Southern Lovin’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! First off thank you so much for the comments and kudos. I really enjoy everyone picking team Astrid or Team Hiccup, as long as the debates stay friendly! Remember this is just a fanfic and I’m writing it to have fun, and I hope you all enjoy it just as much while reading it. These characters are not the kind ones you know and love. They are different and angsty, but I promise as time goes on they will be less ooc. For now though, I hope you enjoy my angst fest! 
> 
> Also disclaimer: there is no historical or geographical accuracy in this fic!

It was dark when they had landed on the small island they always slept on. They set up camp rather quickly and were eating dried meats and bread within the hour. Astrid had merely stared in amazement at their progress.

“How’d you guys get so good at this?” She picked mindlessly at a roll in her hands, and Hiccup was irritated that he’d noticed she hadn’t eaten any of it.

“We do a lot of travelling.” Ruff said softly, her arm wrapped around an unusually silent Snotlout. Hiccup’s stomach twisted at the blank look on his face, one that looked all too familiar.

“Understatement of the year.” Eret stuck out his large hand to Astrid. “I don’t think we’ve met properly. I’m Eret, son of Eret.” She took it slowly, narrowing her eyes at the large man.

“You didn’t try to drown anyone, did you?” Hiccup watched as Ruff’s jaw dropped and Snotlout flinched.

“Astrid!” Hiccup scolded. “My Thor do you not have any social etiquette anymore?” He looked back to the pair to see Ruff speaking in a soothing hushed voice to her boyfriend.

“Take him to bed and stay with him, okay? It won’t ruin your marriage bed, I promise.” She nodded, ignoring Hiccup’s joke and pulled the stocky man to his feet before disappearing into the thick of the trees.

“I didn’t realize-”

“That torture might have a negative impact on someone?” Hiccup was mad. Not only had he risked his peace treaty by bringing her along, now he had risked the wellbeing of his people. He should know better by now.

“Maybe you should take better care of your people.” She had a fire in her eyes that told him she didn’t mean her words, that she was just lashing out to hurt him. That was fair, he thought, given all the things he had said to her just to belittle and make her feel stupid. He could actually have some respect for this person. She was fighting back. It gave him a flash of the old Astrid and his stomach twisted with anger. She might sometimes look like the girl he knew, but everything she did countered what he remembered. 

“At least I don’t abandon my people in lieu of finding something better.” Hiccup was on his feet, hands running through his hair as he tried to block the meaning of her words. His fault. It was always his fault, he didn’t need reminder of that.

Astrid attempted to charge him, but was held back when Fishlegs grabbed her arms and placed them behind her back.

“Reel it in, Astrid!” He turned her towards him and gave her a hard look Hiccup wasn’t aware he was capable of. “You need to get your bearings and then go read some of the new Berk history books. Then maybe you can have an educated discussion with our chief.” Astrid looked at him a long moment before shaking his hands off and sitting back down with a huff.

Hiccup stormed off into the woods, ready to leave the scene and try to get some sleep. He tossed and turned for a few hours, but everytime sleep came, he felt a rope around his ankles, pulling at him and robbing him of his breath. Eventually he sat up and groggily stumbled towards the fire, where he sat and attempted to shake the chill of the night.

“Do you ever sleep?” His head snapped up and he saw Astrid, staring at the flames.

“Only when everything is calm and in order. And I’m in charge, so no, I never do.” His reply was bitter and he thought briefly about returning to his fear induced nightmares, but even he knew a conversation with Astrid was better than that.

“I’m sorry about your dad.” She looked up to him, eyes softer than he’d yet seen. “I should have figured out earlier he was gone, but it only occurred to me to ask Fishlegs after you left why you’re such a damned asshole.” The insult was there but she lost the venom behind her words. He shifted uncomfortably because her words felt so sincere up until the name-calling, and he had a feeling she was just doing it for his benefit. Hiccup wanted to say something nasty about her adventures, or maybe her naivety, just to bring things back to their new normal. But he didn’t have the energy so he stayed silent for a moment longer.

“We can discuss your wedding arrangements now, if you’re done insulting me immediately after mentioning my dead dad.” No, he was wrong, he definitely still had energy for insults.

“Shouldn’t my betrothed be here?” She looked down at her hands, twisting them in her lap.

“Does he care about all that?” He imagined that whoever Astrid was with was probably head over heels, just happy to be in her presence.

“Probably not. I don’t really feel like discussing the wedding though.”

“Do you want to get married?” 

Her head snapped up. “Of course I do.”

He held his hands up in surrender. “You don’t have to marry someone from the South just to prove your adventures weren’t a waste of time.” He didn’t mean his words, not really. But her apology still hung in the back of his mind and he wanted to see her hard and angry again.

“Clearly I made the right decision by leaving, chaos and war surrounds you.” She folded her arms and gave him an arrogant smile.

“You were going to be a warrior.” Her smile dropped. “Whatever war surrounded me, you would have been on the battlefront willingly.”

“No one wants war.” Her voice had an edge to it. Close, Hiccup thought, but not where he wanted her yet.

“What happened to your axe? I bet you can’t even cut a single tree down without getting winded.” She gritted her teeth and Hiccup felt victorious, the thrill of getting under Astrid’s skin almost as good as flying.

“Your jealousy at my world travels was endearing at first, but now it’s just getting pathetic.”

“I might have been jealous, sure. But then you came back, clueless and weak and I thought, maybe I picked the right side back then.” Astrid stood then, flames licking up her midsection.

“I am not weak.” She walked slowly to where Hiccup still sat, boots kicking up dirt behind her. He rolled his eyes.

“Nowhere near what you used to be I’m sure. I bet I could beat you in one on one combat now.”

She let out a barking laugh before pulling him to his feet. “I could beat you in less than two minutes. Now get ready make a fool of yourself.” 

“No need for time limits, I’d like to drag this out so you can think about how much you lost when you left.” He stepped away from the fire and took a fighters stance, something he was sure he didn’t know existed four years ago.

She charged at him first, which really was a mistake. Hiccup was never the aggressor, always the one being attacked and it put him on all too familiar ground. He ducked down and rammed hard into her midsection, knocking her to the ground. She grunted but was up quickly, bouncing from foot to foot before throwing a punch that landed against his jaw. He took a recovery step backward before parrying her next blow, coming up to stand behind her, grabbing her arm and pinning it to her back.

He heard a hiss of air escape her lips but she didn’t falter, turning on him and grabbing his throat with her other hand. She gave him a victorious smile, but he just raised his eyebrows before sweeping her legs out from under her. He then sat atop her hips, pinning her effectively to the ground.

“Hmm, I guess you were right. We should have timed this.” He gave her an arrogant smirk that was barely visible this far away from the flames. Her face was contorted with anger for only a moment before it suddenly softened. She took her hand and placed it on his chest, pressing firmly before travelling it slowly to his midsection.

“What are you doing?” His mouth was dry suddenly and he was pretty sure he could feel his blood rushing below his skin.

She stroked his abdomen lightly with her thumb, and even though he was wearing his thick leather flying gear he swore he could feel the heat of her touch. She took her other hand and placed it on his thigh, moving up, up until-

The world flip-flopped as Hiccup was thrown from his position. His back was now against the ground and Astrid was sitting above him, a wide grin set into her face.

“That was too easy. Now you can’t say I’ve lost my touch.” Her voice didn’t sound confident though. Hiccup was tempted to point that out, and also to remind her he had already won. But the sentiment sat in the air and Astrid’s pride was clearly already damaged, so why speak when he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep his own voice steady?

He pushed her off him and suddenly the air was too cold. He crossed his arms on his chest and tried to enjoy the sight of Astrid pulling herself shakily up.

“Might wanna start up that axe training.” 

“I don’t have it anymore.” She turned back to the fire and moved to stoke it, apparently also aware of the coldness in the air.

“What happened to it?” 

She shrugged. “Lost it. Few years back. Guess I managed just fine without it.” She turned to him. “I’m gonna go collect some wood.” He listened to her shuffle behind him. Her steps were heavier, he noticed. She used to be able to sneak up on him and now he was sure he’d be able to hear her coming in any setting. An Astrid that couldn’t surprise him, now there was an unsettling thought. 

—-

When they returned home, a strange man was waiting at the edge of the dock. Hiccup watched in awe as Astrid dismounted and ran toward him, locking in a tight embrace. 

He was tall and tan and there were muscles looming beneath his skin. Not like Snotlout, but definitely much larger than Hiccup’s own wiry frame. He had black hair tied in a knot a the top of his head and his blue eyes lit up when she released him. 

“Kai! It’s so good to see you.” Her face shone in a way Hiccup had never seen and it caused his stomach to twist uneasily. 

He replied in a language that Hiccup was vaguely familiar with, but from this distance he couldn’t make out the words. He dismounted and headed towards the couple, realizing he needed to introduce himself. 

When he approached them he noticed Astrid had a giant smile plastered to her face and it set him on edge. He stuck out his hand to Kai, attempting to speak in his native language. 

“I’m Hiccup, Chief of Berk.” It was awkward and he could tell his dialect was off but the man seem impressed nonetheless, sticking him with a firm shake and a blazing smile. 

“I have heard much about you! Astrid spoke very highly, but she never mentioned you were Chief.” Hiccup glanced over to see Astrid’s red cheeks and turned down glance. 

“It has been a long time since we spoke.” He thanked Thor for all the different types of people he has interacted with, as it let him understand many different languages, and therefore look very, very cool in front of his nemesis and her betrothed. 

Kai nodded in return. “I am just about to leave for my home. I shall return in a few months, at the end of the season.” He shook Hiccup’s hand once more before heading towards Astrid’s hut. 

“He’s short and to the point. Also you didn’t tell me he wasn’t staying.” He turned to see Astrid watching his receding figure with an odd look on her face. 

“He didn’t tell me. We uhh, we don’t keep tabs on each other like that.” She looked uncomfortable talking about their relationship, so naturally Hiccup pressed forward. 

“The free-wheeling type, huh? Is he going home to whore himself sideways until the day of the wedding?” She cast her gaze downwards and Hiccup almost missed her reddening cheeks. Almost. He moved his head down to catch her eye line. 

“I get it, you’re part of one of those southern modern relationships now. So you’re going to let him go and pretend to be cool with this.”

Her head shot up at that. “I am cool with it. We discussed the terms of our engagement before we sailed back together.” 

“So then why did you seem so shocked when he said he’d be leaving?” Hiccup crossed his arms. 

“Since when do you know anything other than Norse?” She countered. 

He shrugged. “I’m a man of the people now. And you can’t distract me from your inability to tell your man you’re uncomfortable.” He patted her on the shoulder before turning and walking to the heart of town. “This is great, really Astrid, thank you for making my day.” 

She was on his heels on a second, mouth open to respond but Hiccup was faster. “

“Shouldn’t you be heading to say goodbye to your hot, southern lover?” He watched in bliss as she stomped her feet before turning and stalking away. 

—-

Hiccup had intended on returning to his hut after he finished his to do list, really he had. But when he saw Astrid at the fire pit in the center of town, sitting alone, a million jokes about her relationship passed through his head. How could he resist when she was practically asking for someone to come bug her? 

When he arrived he sat down directly next to her, her skirt brushing against his leg lightly. She was looking thoughtfully into the fire and didn’t stir, even after he made his presence clear. 

“Is Kai the Handsome gone?” Not the best joke, but he was just getting warmed up. 

She nodded. “His boat set out at sunset. I told him it was a weird time to leave but he just shushed me before kissing me goodbye and heading to his boat.” She looked angry, but it wasn’t at Hiccup. It was at Kai, and even though he knew that should bring him some satisfaction, he mostly just felt irritation towards the man. 

From the little interactions he had gathered and seen of them, Kai didn’t seem to treat Astrid like an equal. He didn’t want to believe that though, didn’t want to believe Astrid would settle for something less than she deserves. 

“You’re not acting much like someone who wants to get married.” She gave him a noncommittal shrug. 

“I’m single for the next few months.” She turned to him, face just inches away from his own. “So you better watch out, because you can pretend like you hate me all you want-” she placed her hand on his inner thigh and Hiccup felt his breath catch in his throat. “But I can see it that you still want me.” She licked her lips before glancing up at him, eyes heavy-lidded. She stood then, leaving a stunned Hiccup by the fire alone. 

“Goodnight.” He could practically hear the smirk in her voice. 

Damn her. Damn his body. How could it so easily betray him? After all the time they’d spent together, hating Astrid, it was proving that he really had no loyalty at all, not even his own flesh. 

Hadn’t he come here to mess with her? How had the tables turned so quickly? The longer he sat and thought about it, the more frustrated he got. 

He hated Astrid. He hated the new way she walked, like she had nothing to fear. He hated her armourless outfit, how small she looked without her shoulder pads. He hated her short hair, hair that Viking Astrid would have never even considered. 

But that was it, wasn’t it? Astrid hadn’t spent the past few years as a Viking. She’d been a tourist, exploring the world as she pleased. If a problem came up, she was allowed to run away from it. He thought back to Kai, hopping on a boat the second Astrid made an appearance. Maybe it was a southern trait to flee when things got too serious. But that didn’t exactly make sense, because Astrid had run from him long before she ever met a southern man. 

For a moment he felt himself wonder what Astrid had actually done while she was gone. He was too stubborn to ask; he wouldn’t be able to stand the smug look on her face if he did. But he just couldn’t fathom growing so careless in the span of a few years. He wondered at what point she stopped worrying, stopped looking over her shoulder for an enemy. 

Her axe. She had said she’d lost her axe, but she wouldn’t elaborate on how that had happened. He couldn’t help but notice the lack of armor on Kai, and was he even carrying a weapon? The south must be a bizarre place. 

Astrid had softened, he decided. Her muscles were mostly aesthetic, which was proven when he was able to take her down earlier that day. She no longer had a fighter’s prowess and she had left Berk yesterday without a weapon. 

But was that a bad thing? In a way Hiccup envied her, because she had made a choice. She made a choice to leave, to not replace her weapon, and to disarmour herself. These were options Hiccup never had. But if he did, would he had made the same ones as Astrid? He wasn’t so sure. 

He pictured Astrid’s presence the past few days. Her awkward posture, her tentative language and her demands that she fit back into their group like she’d never left. 

Maybe she missed Berk. Maybe she had come back for a reason other than marriage. Maybe, Hiccup thought, she missed being a Viking. He got up suddenly, an idea popping into his head and made a beeline for the forge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to treat Astrid’s fiancé, Kai, more as a state of mind than an actual character. So I introduced him so that Hiccup could put a face to the name, but he’s not going to be hanging around because honestly that’s not where my plot is going. I’m sorry if you don’t like that, I completely get it but I’m gonna keep heading forward with the plot I set out! Thanks for reading and commenting! Follow me on tumblr @hiccupfound where I’d be happy to answer any questions or talk about this fic!


	4. Axed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is by far one of my favorite chapters that I’ve written. I hope you guys enjoy it as much!

The sun was rising above the mountains by the time Hiccup exited the forge, exhausted and dirty as all Hel, but satisfied. As he trudged down the hill, Toothless landed beside him, warbling anxiously. 

“Relax bud, it’s just a few sleepless nights. We both know I’ve had worse.” Toothless rolled his eyes but continued walking beside him. Hiccup stopped a few feet from the house he was searching for and took a deep breath. 

Throwing weapons definitely wasn’t his strong suit, but placing it on the steps wouldn’t have the dramatic effect he wanted. He hurled the axe he’d made as hard as he could and was satisfied when it thwacked into the front door. 

“My job here is done.” He patted Toothless on the head before turning away. “I’m starving, let’s go get some breakfast, bud.”

—-

His mouth watered as he sat down at the Great Hall table. It was rather early, so there weren’t many people around and Hiccup was grateful for that. He hadn’t cleaned up yet so his appearance, and more so his smell, couldn’t be pleasant. He figured he could eat quickly before heading to take a bath. He was just taking the last few bites when Snotlout sat down beside him, eyeing him suspiciously. 

“Funny, I thought I saw you in the forge last night. Clearly I must be wrong, because looking at the state of you, that means you either slept in your bed like that, or you spent the entire night working. And that couldn’t be right. You aren’t that stupid.” He paused. “Okay, you’re right, you are. But come on, someone's gotta defend you.” 

“It’s just one night.” He took a sip from his drink and Snotlout snorted. 

“Oh so I must have just imagined that you weren’t in your sleeping bag on the island. My bad, I should really get my eyes checked.” He shoved large knuckles into his face and began rubbing dramatically. “I know my Chief would never lie to me so clearly I’m—”

“Okay! No need for the guilt trip, Snot.” 

Snotlout pointed a finger harshly into his chest. “I’m always watching out for you. When did that happen? You’re a grown man yet you can’t remember to eat, sleep or bathe without me.” He shook his head. “I didn’t bargain on having children this young, but it’s the sacrifice I’m willing to make for my village. 

Hiccup looked up at the sky, pleading with the Gods to give him patience. “Oh Snotlout, my hero, whatever would I do without you.” He recited the motto in a monotone voice, but his companion didn’t seem to notice. 

“You’d be a shriveled up shell of a human, that’s what.” He thumped himself on the chest before turning to his food. 

“I’m gonna go—”

“Bathe. Like I said. It was a good call on my part.”

Hiccup nodded slowly before retreating outside. 

After he had rigorously scrubbed himself clean and entered back into the village in a more chiefly state, he was bombarded by villagers. For some reason though, he found himself smiling and enjoying the menial tasks. 

He didn’t even frown when Gothi handed him a list of herbs that needed to be collected, though historically this was his least favorite task. He found himself humming as he searched through the forest, enjoying the warm summer weather. He heard shuffling behind him and looked up to see Eret walking his way, a frown etched into his face.

“Eret! How’s it going? Any idea what this is?” He pointed to an item on the list that Hiccup couldn’t make out.

Eret squinted down at the list before shooting Hiccup a concerned look. “Are you serious? That says mint. It’s like the most common plant here.” 

Hiccup mouthed the word a few times to himself before continuing further into the woods. Eret was quick behind him though, grabbing him lightly by the elbow and turning him so they were face to face. Hiccup sighed at the look on Eret’s face, which resembled that of a concerned parent’s.

“When’s the last time you slept?” 

“Snotlout’s a liar okay? I went to bed, just like everyone else last night.” Hiccup was attempting to pry the strong fingers off his forearm, but to no avail. Eret’s face crumpled in confusion.

“Snotlout? No I was only coming over here after watching you walk in circles for the past hour. We all know how—” he paused, face turned upward as he thought, “—loopy you can get when you forget to sleep.” 

“I don’t forget to sleep. I just happen to not need to do it every night like the rest of you.” He reached out for a nearby tree and wrapped his free arm around it. 

Eret sighed, realizing this wasn’t happening without a fight. He gave him a sharp tug in the direction back to the village, but Hiccup’s grip on the tree was strong. “It’s time to go home, Hiccup. You’re not going to get anything productive done in your state of mind.”

“Have you seen everything I’ve gotten done this morning? Once I finish with these herbs I’m going to head over to the ice melting site and help them out.” Hiccup, forgetting that he was trying to anchor himself, let go of the tree to flail his hands animatedly. Eret noticed this and dragged him out of arm's reach of anything he could grab onto.

“Do you know how long you’ve been out here?” He looked down at the paper once more. “There’s three items on your list, have you crossed any of them off?” 

Hiccup bounced on the balls of his feet, looking around for an idea that could save him. He looked Eret up and down once before slapping his free hand across Eret’s cheek and bolting for freedom. His plan backfired, however, when Eret refused to let go of his grip. His resolve was strong, and he wouldn’t give up that easy.

“One-on-one combat! I beat you then I’m free to go.” Eret merely shook his head before dragging him by the elbow back to town. Hiccup attempted to dig his heels into the ground, but lost his footing and ended up with a face full of dirt. This didn’t deter his captor, who continued moving as this was all normal.

Hiccup supposed it wasn’t unusual, it wasn’t like this was the first time this had happened. He just didn’t understand the appeal of sleeping when there was so much he could accomplish at night. As chief, obligations filled the majority of his day. When the sun set he was finally able to do the things he wanted, and sleep was never on that list. So, yeah sometimes he went a few days without stopping to rest. It wasn’t a big deal, really. He might take a little longer to accomplish some tasks, but he still got them done. If he wasn’t collapsing from exhaustion, was it really that big of a deal?

They had continued on that way for a few minutes before they exited the forest and Eret let out a shrill whistle. Hiccup heard a large thump as a dragon landed in front of them, and then his world was lopsided as he was thrown onto its back. He let out a groan of pain.

“You know, you think you would be more gentle with your chief when throwing him on the back of a Dragon who’s famous for his ability to crush skulls.”

“You and I both know that’s not how he got his name, and no matter how many times you tell the story that doesn’t make it true.” Hiccup laid on his back, and he turned his head to where Eret was walking beside the slow moving dragon. He was resigned to his fate at this point, his fighting spirit apparently left back with the trees.

“Will you make sure Gothi gets her herbs? I can’t take anymore whacks to the head with that giant staff. My memory is bad enough as it is.”

Eret gave him a nod before adding, “You better not leave the house before dinner time. The Gods know you’re useless when you’re in this state of mind.” Hiccup pulled himself up into a seating position, ignoring how the fast movement made his vision blur.

“I’ll have you know that I remain an equal amount of useless, no matter how much rest I receive.” He thought his words were slurring slightly, but he couldn’t be sure.

They reached his house then, Skullcrusher climbing up the stairs and depositing him at the front door. Hiccup stood, waiting for the two to leave. Eret shook his head.

“In you go.”

“I’m not going to run away.” He was feeling more and more like a grounded child and he was the Chief dammit, people should respect him so deeply that they simply turn away when he was deliriously walking around. Not his people though, his people tossed him around and literally dragged him through the dirt. And he had just bathed. Was there no human decency anymore? He figured he could argue this, but at the end of the day he would still end up inside the house, so there was no point. He might be stubborn, but he wasn’t stupid. He could see a lost battle.

“Whatever, I’ll be up in a few hours.” He gave a small wave before shutting the door with a harsh bang.

He trudged up the stairs slowly, wanting to stay awake just to prove a point but also becoming increasingly more aware of how exhausted he felt. His bones ached all over, but it seemed the pain centered where his prosthetic met flesh. He sighed in relief when he sat down on his bed and removed the metal leg, setting it on his bedside table. He laid down then, trying to compile a mental list of all the things he’d need to accomplish when he woke up, but his world went black not long after he shut his eyes.

\---

“Hiccup! For Thor’s sake wake up!” 

He jumped up at the sound, hand reaching under his pillow for his spare weapon. However his face soon met the ground, as he had forgotten his leg was unattached. He groaned exasperatedly as he pushed himself into a seated position, eyes landing on Astrid as she doubled over with laughter.

“That was the best thing I’ve ever seen, Gods I will be thinking about this for the rest of my life.”

Hiccup merely glared before reaching for his prosthetic, only to find it missing. “Ugh, Toothless! How many times do I have to tell you that isn’t a toy?” His scold was fruitless, as Toothless was nowhere to be found. He let out a shrill whistle and pulled himself up on his bed before turning to Astrid.

“What are you doing? And how did you get in?” He felt exposed with her here, his armour off and her seeing him asleep and seeing his childhood room for the first time in years. She jabbed her thumb at the window.

“You weren’t answering your door but I knew you had to be home because I had searched everywhere else, so really you didn’t leave me a choice.” She spoke quickly and Hiccup’s tired mind had difficulty following and he took a minute to respond.

“You wanted to see me so bad that you’d crawl through my window? Whatever it was I’m sure it could wait until morning.” He glanced out the window and was surprised to see it was pitch-black out, the sun long set. He turned toward Astrid, who was now moving to sit on the bed beside him. He didn’t like that. It reminded him too much of times he should have long ago forgotten. Late nights tangled in his sheets, giggles and moans the only sounds that could be heard.

“Yeah, it was weird, I woke up and the sun was shining, the Terrible Terrors were singing and there was an axe stuck in my door.” She turned her head towards him. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

There was a thud on the roof just then, and Toothless climbed through the window, Hiccup’s prosthetic in his mouth. He laid it in Hiccup’s lap and he grimaced at the slobber that quickly soaked through his tunic.

“Eugh, you know that doesn’t wash out.” He attached the leg back on and stood tentatively, not wanting to be so close to Astrid but afraid he couldn’t support his weight with his sore thigh.

“Snotlout told me you were in the forge all night.” Her tone was accusing.

“Yeah, what’s your point?” He turned so his face was concealed. 

“I woke up with an axe in my door.” She repeated, irritation growing in her tone.

“Sounds like a personal attack, have you come to file a complaint?” He searched around, grabbing a pen and paper before sitting down at his desk chair and facing her. “Does someone need to pull the weapon out of your door? If I remember correctly from yesterday’s one-on one, you definitely aren’t strong enough.” 

“Why’d you do it?” She wasn’t angry anymore and was completely ignoring his insults. That combined with the exhaustion settled deep in his bones caused him to feel uneasy.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He just sounded pathetic now, but they were dangerously close to slipping into territory that felt hauntingly warm and familiar.

“I’d know your handy work anywhere, and you didn’t try to hide your craftsmanship. Why?” Her eyes searched his intently.

“You’re weak!” His voice was harsh, but she didn’t flinch and he wondered if maybe seeing the weapon was enough for her to give up on her soft flower demeanor she seemed to have slipped into over the past years. “You gave up your axe and came back unable to defeat me in combat.”

“I didn’t give up my axe. I lost it.” Her voice cracked and he knew he was wrong, knew that she wasn’t the person she used to be, and maybe she didn’t want to go back.

“The Astrid I knew would have gotten a new one.” 

“I don’t give a damn about who you think I was versus who I am now!” She stood up and began pacing the floor, short hair whipping around her face. “I left here to go and find myself. I didn’t need an axe out there, so why would I keep it on my back? No one carries weapons around like that outside the archipelago.” She paused and faced him head on. “Don’t you think that maybe Vikings are the odd ones?”

“So you abandoned your heritage on a count of fitting in? Were you really that lonely?” He loved the idea of Astrid feeling out of place, feeling like she didn’t belong. But for some reason the thought of her changing her core beliefs to blend in made his stomach twist.

“I didn’t abandon anything!” She was yelling and tears threatened at the edge of her eyes. “I just wanted to be somebody else for a while.” She sat on the edge of the bed again and put her head in her hands.

It was probably the first honest thing she’d said since she returned. She had spent the past few days attempting to slip back into her old demeanor, without even being aware who she used to be. He looked at her now, emotional and vulnerable. Part of him was mad that she had the audacity to act like this when he clearly had shown he didn’t care about her emotions, but the other half desperately wanted to reach out and console her. He twisted his hands in his lap.

“Use the axe.” He then stood up and opened his bedroom door, gesturing his arm to the exit. She stayed sitting on the bed.

“I brought you dinner, it’s on the table downstairs.” She looked at him once more. “You look awful.” 

“The life of a chief, I don’t get much sleep.” He waved the door slightly, pointing down the stairs, but she ignored him.

“Your latest all-nighter wasn’t a Chiefly task.” They were back to the axe again. Of course, because why would Astrid leave without the explanation she came for.

“I’m tired of you up my ass all the time.” He sighed and moved lean on the edge of his desk. “When we were younger I would spend ages looking for you, and almost every time you were off in the woods, cutting down trees and screaming out battle cries. I figured if I made you a new weapon I might get a few hours of peace and quiet.” He paused. “Plus you could really use the workout. No one will be impressed with me telling them I beat you in your state, I want a rematch in the fall.”

She was looking at him with thoughtful eyes and he hated it, he had just insulted her so why wasn’t she angry or yelling or punching? There was a sad smile tugging at the edge of her lips and she glanced down at her hands.

“I’m not the only one who changed you know.” She stood then, heading towards the door. “I’ll return the axe to the forge.” 

Hiccup stayed unmoving long after he heard the front door shut. He tried not to think about the disappointment that was bubbling in his stomach and focused more on her statement. Of course he had changed, he had spent the past four years at war and he was Chief now. But he got the feeling that’s not what she was referring to. The worst part, however was the effort it took to remind himself he didn’t care.

\---

The next morning he woke up early, having gotten sufficient sleep the night before. He walked around the edge of the forest, watching the sunrise and attempting to relax before beginning his day. He paused when he heard grunts and squinted to locate the cause of it. He saw trees shaking not too far away and he snuck towards the raucous.

Astrid was standing with her back facing Hiccup, shoulders heaving. He could hear her harsh breath even from this distance. When she turned he noticed blond hair plastered to her forehead, and he glanced down further and saw the glint of an axe in her hand. He smiled and stayed a moment longer, watching as she hurled the weapon into a tree, turning away only after it stuck with a satisfying thwack.


	5. Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Astrid POV! Another fave chapter of mine

Astrid

Astrid slowed her pace when she entered the Great Hall and saw her friends eating dinner. She had a slight limp from all of her recent increase in activities and she didn’t want them to notice. When she reached the table though, she sat down too roughly and let out a small hiss of pain. Hiccup looked up at her knowingly, a small smile tugging at his lips. She stuck her tongue out in his direction before turning to listen in on the conversation that was already happening. 

“No really, I don’t care what any of you say. Terrible Terrors are the most annoying dragon.” Tuffnut was business as usual, but Snotlout was laughing loudly, arm swung around Ruff’s shoulders. Hiccup rolled his eyes, but said nothing. 

It was a strange sight to see. All of them together, not arguing or bickering but just… bonding. The dynamic had shifted since she’d left, that much was obvious as soon as she saw them. But it was more than just normal growing up. 

Snotlout and Hiccup had almost died. Ruffnut had been forced to watch both her Chief and her boyfriend be tortured, helpless. Those kinds of things weren’t normal, and after you’d been through them she guessed it kind of brought you together. She thought about Snotlout before the Read Death had been defeated. Arrogant, aggressive and outright rude. He never knew his place and he wasn’t as good as he thought he was. 

But now she had recognized fondness in his eyes when he looked at the man he used to taunt. And Hiccup had a fierce protectiveness over his cousin that Astrid would have never thought possible. The two were friends, and she hadn’t been there to see it happen. 

She was so deep in her thoughts that she was only able to give a small wave as the others got up and bid her good night. She looked down at her untouched food and made to grab her spoon before her wrist was in another person’s hand, being flipped around. 

“Quite the set of blisters you have here, you should really take care of them.” Hiccup gave her a wink and she snatched her arm back, stuffing both hands under the table and out of sight of his prying gaze. 

She had meant to take the axe back to the forge, really she had. She was on her way there when she began swinging it back in forth in her hands absentmindedly. She had looked over to the forest at some point and a longing ached within her, starting in her toes and surging up to her palms, where she held the weapon firmly. She stopped just a few feet from the forge door, taking a sharp left and running into the forest. Just a few minutes, she thought. Just to remind her what it used to feel like. 

Euphoria. She spent hours aiming at trees, chopping them down and practicing her somersaults. Hiccup had been right, she had lost a lot of muscle mass. Her aim wasn’t near as good as it used to be and sometimes she missed her target tree completely. It made her even angrier that he had noticed this, made her want to train harder. But before long the sun was rising and her muscles ached in protest at any more exertion. So she kept the axe, if only to prove Hiccup was wrong about her warrior abilities. 

It had been over a week since then, and she had to say she’d come a long ways. Her muscles seemed to spring back quickly, as if they remembered and were cheering her on. But she still found herself below where she had been, and that was just unacceptable. 

“You haven’t been around as much lately.” He was baiting her, trying to get her to admit she liked the axe he’d made. But two could play this game. 

“I thought you wanted me to spend less time around you.” She raised her eyebrows at him. 

“Since when do you care what I want?” It was a challenge and she couldn’t think of a comeback, so she shoveled food into her mouth instead. 

She had of course still made an effort to bother Hiccup, it was her favorite past time. He was so easy to fluster and his irritated gaze was the best form of adrenaline rush before she headed out for a workout. Her favorite place was the forge, where she could make fun of his handiwork skills, even though they both knew she had very little knowledge of weapon making, and that he was quite excellent at what he did. 

That didn’t stop him from getting angry with her though. It was the best karma. He didn’t think he could be such an asshole to her and get away with it, did he? No, she was ready to step up her game and hit him tit for tat. 

He stood then, leaving without a goodbye and Astrid cursed to herself. No matter how many times they did this, she always felt like she came out losing. How was he so good at this? 

The Hiccup she remembered would never even think of insults like the ones that fell so easily from the Chief’s mouth. The one she knew was cunning but kind, sarcastic but humble. She watched his receding figure and couldn’t help but wonder if she had stayed how he would be different, how she would be different. 

—-

The next day it was well past normal bedtime hours when Astrid exited the woods, sweaty and exhausted but thoroughly satisfied, axe strapped to her back. She saw an orange glow in the center of town where the fire pit was normally long burnt out by now. She walked towards it, curiosity taking over her fatigue. 

When she arrived she found Hiccup, sitting alone and looking miserable. This was her chance, she thought. She could catch him off guard and finally have the upper hand in their arguments. She sat down loudly and turned to him. 

“Most people who are out this late are sneaking away from a woman’s house.” 

“I’m not most people.” His words were slurred and his comeback fell flat, but he didn’t seem to care. 

“Are you drunk?” Astrid had never seen Hiccup intoxicated and she certainly had never thought he would ever get this drunk. He turned to her, swaying slightly and gave her a noncommittal shrug. 

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.” He stuck his tongue out at her, mirroring her actions from dinner the previous night. 

“I didn’t picture you as a drinker.”

“Only on this night, I think.” His voice was small and Astrid’s heart turned. 

“What’s wrong with this night?”

“A year and a day ago, I was so oblivious.” He flailed his hands out as he began taking on a storytelling personna. “I had stopped wars, made peace with many tribes and saved so many dragons from trappers. I thought, Drago who? I can change his mind too.”

Astrid swallowed. She had taken Fishleg’s suggestion of hitting the history books and she knew where this was headed. 

“My dad tried to tell me, but I didn’t listen. And because I was so stubborn and arrogant, I got him killed. By my own dragon.” He laughed humorlessly. “Poetic justice, really.” He looked down at his hands and Astrid noticed for the first time that Toothless was strangely absent. 

“I remember his funeral so vividly. Not because of anything that was said or anyone that was there, but more because of the person who wasn't.” He looked up at her then, eyes watery and so full of sadness that she had to turn her head away. 

“I had told myself to forget about you for three years. And I did a pretty good job, just so you know. There were many ladies willing to throw themself at a future Chief.” He was trying to get a rise out of her but she felt her chest tighten at the words he had yet to say. 

“But as I watched his ship burn, I wanted you there so badly. I had spent all that time convincing myself I was over you, and all it took was one nightmare to remind me that I needed you. But you weren’t there. You would never be there for me again.” 

Astrid tightened her hands in lieu of reaching for her axe, which is what she really wanted. She wished she hadn’t come over here, wished she was still at the Southern Islands where nothing this sad ever happened. 

“Then I came home and was almost killed, again for like the fifth time and you’d think that eventually it would lose its shock value, that I wouldn’t mind at that point, but every single time haunts me and—“ he took a deep breath, “—I had to be Chief. I was almost dead and then before I could even think about that I was in a ceremony that made me leader of my tribe. And all I wanted was you there to… I don’t even know, but I know if you were there you would have known how to help me.” 

He was drunk, wasted really. She knows this because why else would he be so honest, why would he let his guard down for the first time? Part of her wanted to hear what he had to say, but she knew the sober Hiccup didn’t want her to know this. She owed him privacy, if nothing else. 

She stood, offering him her hand. “Let’s get you to your house.” 

He glared at her palm for a moment before pulling himself to his feet. He stumbled forward and Astrid grabbed him by the shoulder to steady him. He gave her a perplexed look but said nothing, and the two walked forward silently. 

When they reached his house she helped him inside and upstairs. She watched as he collapsed face down in bed, clothes and prosthetic still on. She couldn’t help but notice Toothless wasn’t here either. After a quick glance around she turned and headed for the door, but was halted by a grip on her wrist. 

“Please don’t go. Not tonight.”

She froze, unsure what the right thing to do was. He was drunk and wasn’t in his right mind. His decision making clouded and true intentions were being shown. But how would he feel when he woke up in the morning? She didn’t realize how much she wanted this with Hiccup. Peace and honesty and friendship. She enjoyed their banter but right now she just wanted to curl up beside him and console him. 

So she did that, morning be damned. He was having a rough night, the least she could do after all the heartache she caused was stay and make him feel better, if only for a moment. 

She climbed over him and sat up, leaning against the wall. He didn’t turn or look at her, but his hand landed gently in her lap and she watched as his chest rose and fell, the calming rhythm of it causing the sleepiness to overtake her. 

—-

When she awoke the light was shining brightly and she was laying on her side, back against the wall. She sat up on her elbow and looked towards Hiccup, flat on his back and staring at the ceiling. 

“Thank the Gods you’re finally up, I thought I’d have to listen to your snoring for an eternity.” His voice was monotone but the words were enough to irritate her. 

“I would have loved to sleep in my own home last night, trust me.” She rubbed her eyes with the flat of her palms, and then braided her hair tightly, attempting to contain her anger. 

“What are you doing in my bed, Astrid?” He turned his head to look at her. “We’re both still clothed so I assume we didn’t have sex.” 

“You don’t remember?” She feigned a mysterious tone. After his rude awakening she sure as Hel wasn’t going to give up her information that easily. He furrowed his brow at her. 

“I remember taking a drink of mead with dinner and then I woke up with a pounding headache and you passed out next to me.” He ran a hand through his hair and she realized he was uncomfortable. Finally, she thought. 

“Maybe I should leave you here, I’m sure your memories will come back to you.” She made as if to leave and he pushed on her shoulder lightly, blocking her exit. 

“Oh Gods Astrid, please just tell me how you got here.” 

She sat for a moment, unsure what to say. Part of her wanted to keep his vulnerability to herself, and another part was nervous how he’d react if he found out. So she tried a different tactic instead. She laid back down on her side and moved so that their shoulders were touching. 

Hiccup was watching her still, eyes curious as he took in her movements. She laid her hand on his cheek and as his pupils widened she knew she’d made the right decision. Hiccup was a control freak, and when he wanted answers he was determined to get them. But she knew how to distract him. She was tired of playing this game, of getting the ball in her court just to pass it back to him without taking a shot. 

This right here though, would always be a win for her. She stroked his cheek lightly and moved her head closer. She watched as his eyes moved down to her lips. She was tempted to lean in. She knew he wouldn’t be able to stop, that this would be something she could hold over his head from here on out. He wouldn’t have the ability to say anything to her that she couldn’t counter with this exact moment. 

But he was hungover and even if he wouldn’t admit it, still emotional. It felt too much like taking advantage of the situation so she pulled back and dropped her hand to her side. Astrid wished she could say he looked disappointed, but his guard was back up and she couldn’t read him. 

“Tell me about Kai.” 

That took her by surprise. Hiccup hadn’t once shown an interest in either her travels or her betrothed. 

“Kai is… an adventure.” That was probably the best word to use for his demeanor, she thought. “Things with him are so passionate and fun and you never know what’s going to come next.” 

Hiccup frowned. “You like that.” It was said like a statement, but disbelief colored his voice. 

Astrid nodded. “Things are different where Kai is from, and I spent a lot of time there. Love is free wheeling and lines are blurred. It’s scary and fun and just… nothing like I’d ever experienced here.” 

“So you’re okay with Kai sleeping with other people?” He sounded doubtful and truthfully Astrid couldn’t blame him, it wasn’t something that the people on Berk could ever imagine. 

“Kai and I’s relationship was different than ours was. Jealousy didn’t need to exist.” She looked down, unsure if it was okay to mention their past. “We weren’t exclusive, not really. We could be with other people, men or women, but we would always come back to each other. I was surprised when Kai proposed, but I was so happy. I had spent the past few years adventuring and exploring and I was ready to come home and settle.” She remembered the moment she fell in love with Kai, the first time she woke up to him still in bed with her. The trust he had to have to fall asleep in her presence; she knew what it meant to him. 

She didn’t love Kai the same way she loved Hiccup. Hiccup was steady and unwavering. It was sure in a way that nothing else had ever been since. But Kai was wildfire. It grew so fast that Astrid was in love before she was even sure there was a possibility for a relationship. 

She didn’t have to be responsible with Kai, and it was probably her favorite thing. He wasn’t chief, he wasn’t a leader. He wasn’t important in any sense of the word, not to anyone besides her. He was allowed to be who he wanted and so was she. The basis of her and Hiccup’s relationship had been killing a giant dragon for Thor’s sake. From there on out nothing was simple and everything they did seemed so heavy and serious. 

She knew this is what attracted her to Kai in the first place. He was the exact opposite of Hiccup and she so desperately needed that at the time. She wanted to feel carefree, to know what it was like to love someone without fear of the future. So she chose Kai and everyday since has been exciting and unpredictable. 

“Is Kai ready for that?” Hiccup’s voice brought her back to the present, sounding higher than normal. 

“I…” she hadn’t thought about that, but she couldn’t let Hiccup know.

“Yes. He wouldn’t have proposed if he didn’t mean it.” Her voice sounded weak to her own ears, but if Hiccup noticed he made no indication. 

“Why him?” Astrid knew there was a larger meaning to his words, but she refused to dig deeper. She took a moment to think on it. 

“It’s just… when I left, I was so desperate to be anyone besides Astrid the warrior, Hiccup’s girlfriend, the future Chieftess.” Hiccup moved as if to speak and she held her hand up to silence him. “I just wanted to be Astrid, but I didn’t know who that was anymore. When I met Kai, I could be whoever I wanted, and every personna I put on he loved. I can be anyone, no responsibilities or expectations and he’ll accept me.” 

Hiccup was silent for a moment, eyes cast down as he digested her words. It was a lot to take in, she knew that first hand. She had left to go discover herself, and in the end that left a lot of the reason she departed on Hiccup’s title. She felt stuck in his shadow and she just didn’t know how she felt about that at the time. 

“I hope that remains enough once you’re back.” He tugged lightly on her braid and she tried to ignore the implication. 

“Just because I’m braiding my hair again doesn’t mean I’m changing back to who I used to be.” She twisted her hands nervously in her lap. 

“No, but maybe you’re coming into who you’ve always been.” He sat up then, climbing out of the bed and holding the door open with an expectant look. She sighed, stood up and left without another word.


	6. Forgeplay

Hiccup played it cool while Astrid headed down the stairs and exited his hut, but the moment the door clicked shut he ran to his back window and vomited out of it. He wasn’t much of a drinker and he didn’t think he would be able to look at a mug of mead ever again without a wave of nausea passing over him. 

When he re-entered his house there was an incessant banging that at first he thought was just due to his headache, but now he recognized as the front door. He opened it to see Snotlout, jaw practically on the floor. 

“What in Gods name was Astrid doing exiting your house?” He shoved Hiccup aside and stepped in, looking around with wide eyes. 

Hiccup groaned loudly and flinched when his head began to pound harder. Of all people to see the two of them this morning, of course it had to be Snotlout. 

“It’s not what you think. Look at me,” he gestured his hands wildly at his body, “do I look well sexed?” 

His friend analyzed him carefully, circling around him twice before coming to his final conclusion. “No, in fact you look even tighter wound than usual.” He narrowed his eyes. “What did she do to you?”

Hiccup sputtered before answering. “She just slept here, I swear. And before you ask me, I don’t know what happened. I was drunk.”

Snotlout rolled his eyes before sitting down at the small table in his kitchen, throwing his feet on the top. “Yeah, likely story. You get drunk, Astrid’s asleep in your bed and you don’t remember anything.”

“It’s true, I swear I’m exactly as dumb as I’m making myself sound.” He had been wracking his brain the second he woke up to the sight. It was so painfully familiar, even after all the years of separation. He couldn’t recall even talking to Astrid last night, never mind inviting her to share his bed. But he doubted she would stay without his permission, though he had never gotten a straight answer. Damn her and her distraction techniques. 

If she had leant in even a fraction of an inch further, he would have been gone. Absolutely lost in the taste of her, the feel of her, the smell of her. It was annoying how easily his body seemed to forget that he hated Astrid, that she was the enemy. Never mind the fact that she already had someone’s bed to lay in. She was betrothed for Thors sake 

But he woke up and she was there. And for just a moment he had forgotten. She was his again; it was like she had never left and he was getting a glimpse into the future that could have been. 

“What’re you doing man? She’s getting married in a few months. She shouldn’t be here.” Snotlout placed his fingers on the bridge of his nose and pinched harshly, scrunching up his face. 

Hiccup knew things were bad when Snotlout was making sense. Snotlout, who didn’t know what moon tea was for and was actively trying to convince his girlfriend to not drink it because he didn’t like tea, and she should support him by also not liking it. That had probably been the worst Chief talk to date. 

“I know, look I didn’t like it anymore than you did.” A lie, he realized. But he would keep lying, to himself and everyone else. Snotlout looked him over, doubt obvious in his eyes. 

“Just keep your distance from now on.” It sounded vaguely like a threat, and that irritated Hiccup because Astrid left him; he was the one who’d had his heart broken. Why was he the one that needed to stay away? He was about to ask as much when Snotlout opened the front door, standing beside it and gesturing for Hiccup to step out first. He stood still for a moment longer before heading out, knowing today would be one of the longest yet. 

—-

The sun was setting when he entered the forge, eager for some time alone now that the sharp pain in his head had receded to a dull ache. He should be eating probably, but his breakfast and lunch didn’t stay down and his throat burned from the incessant vomiting. He was never drinking again. 

He was just getting into a rhythm when the door bust open. Instantly he knew it was Astrid, only she was able to walk into a place she knew nothing about with such voracity. 

He didn’t turn around to look at her, afraid he might see the same pitying glance she had given him at the dining hall. He wished he could remember what he said to her because it had to be bad if that gaze was any indication. He’d probably confessed his love to her in some mortifying fashion. Maybe he’d cried about the fact she’d chosen a foreigner over himself, Chief of Berk. 

Maybe it was better if he didn’t remember. 

“Do you ignore everyone who walks in here?” 

“Only the ones who don’t belong, so maybe you should take the hint.” He set down his tools and turned to face her. She was sitting with a relaxed posture, elbows perched on the workbench. She feigned a pout. 

“Aw, is the Chief still grumpy from his hangover?” Her mocking tone only served to grate his nerves further. 

“I’m irritated because there’s this annoying blond that’s more attached to me than any parasite that’s ever been recorded.” He moved back to his work station, taking out the items he needed and organizing the shelf to make himself look busy. 

Astrid laughed brightly. “You should probably tell her to get lost.” 

“Get lost.”

“Good try, but this time with feeling.” He slammed his hands down and turned to look at her. She had her chin set in her hands and she gave him an innocent smile that made his jaw clench. 

“What do you want, Astrid?” Snotlout would kill him if he walked by right now. He wouldn’t believe that Hiccup was trying to keep his distance. 

“I’m bored and irritating you is the most entertaining thing on this island.” 

“No one's forcing you to stay here. You’re more than welcome to go back to your orgy island. In fact, it’s a welcome idea at this point.” He knew his words were uncalled for but what choice did he have? She wouldn’t leave if he was nice. 

“How long are you going to hold a grudge over something that happened four years ago?” Her voice was exasperated and he laughed at the fact that she thought it was that simple. That he could just let go of betrayal of the only person he’d ever loved like that. But it was more than that. Being nice to her felt too much like giving in to the urge to admit his true feelings. 

“How long are you going to try to pretend to be my friend while simultaneously coming on to me?” It was the wrong thing to say, and if he wasn’t so angry then he would have been able to think over his words before speaking. But as it was, Astrid was sitting there stiffly, pieces of hair sticking out from her short braid. Her face was red and he realized she had been working out before this, axe strapped to her back. 

“So you’re the only one who’s allowed to be an ass? That sounds like some sexist bull shit.” She was standing now, knuckles white as she gripped the edge of the table. 

“You don’t see anything wrong with that statement? You’re literally throwing yourself at me and I’m the sexist one?” 

“If you can’t handle me being too close to you maybe you should just go out and get fucked.” 

“I wouldn’t need to leave this village to fuck someone.” It was a true statement, but probably not one he should be advertising, and definitely not one he had acted upon. 

“Big Chief just loves flaunting his dick around the island, huh?” Her voice was sharp and he was mad at how quickly she was able to pick up on his error. Her comebacks were flowing easier and maybe he’d made a mistake by giving her that axe back. 

“If I remember correctly there’s no one who loves this dick more than you.” 

She stood stiffly then, back straight and hand twitching at her side. She walked around the table slowly, stopping just inches from his own body. She glanced down at his feet where her gaze lingered for a few moments. Then she reached out and grabbed him. 

He gasped. She wasn’t looking at his feet, she was looking at his crotch. In her hand she held him, erect and hot and when the hell did that happen and how did he not notice? The smile twitching at her lips was devious and Gods, he was never going to live this down. 

“Looks like this dick loves me.” 

She grabbed him by the tunic then, pulling him harshly against her own lips. Their teeth clanged but Hiccup couldn’t care less as her mouth started moving in time with his own. 

If he was smart, he’d pull away. He’d claim the kiss wasn’t like he remembered and it was so dull and boring he’d lost interest. 

Right now though, he didn’t think it was possible. Her hands were in his hair, pulling roughly and he moaned into her mouth loudly. He pulled her against him, desperate for contact. It wasn’t enough, too many clothes impeded him from feeling. He tugged at her shirt lifting it over her head when—

“Hiccup is this really the best place to be when— oh my gods!” Snotlout burst in, hands covering his eyes as Astrid shoved her clothes back down. Hiccup adjusted his pants before turning towards where Snotlout stood, red faced and angry. 

“Can we maybe meet back at my house? I’ll be there in five minutes.” He ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to look less like a sex crazed man and more like a chief, who would definitely not be yelled at by any of his villagers. 

“No! Both of you sit down right now.” He pointed from their ruffled bodies over to the stools and his eyes held such intensity that neither even paused to consider they had the option to say no. 

“Now.” Snotlout slammed his hands on the table and looked between the two of them. “Can you tell me what the hell you guys are thinking?” 

“His penis was hard!” 

“Astrid!” Hiccup slammed a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes. 

“What the Hel were you guys doing that would cause that… situation?” Snotlout was doing a good job acting as an impromptu embarrassed parent and it only served to further Hiccup’s discomfort. 

“He was yelling at me and I was getting angry back and then it turned—“ dirty. He finished her sentence in his head because Thor knows he wouldn’t be the one to say it out loud. 

“It turned what?” 

“Things got out of hand.” Astrid’s axe was in her hands suddenly and she was twisting them nervously around the handle. 

“Out of hand? You two were undressing in the forge and all you have to say is out of hand?” Snotlout’s voice was rising with each word. He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. 

“Astrid, you’re getting married. What are you doing messing around with your ex-boyfriend?” 

“I tried to tell her.” Hiccup attempted to mutter this under his breath but apparently Snotlout had developed the hearing of a Night Fury and he turned a deadly gaze on the taller man. 

“And you. You’re the Chief for Thor’s sake. Show some decency, anyone could have walked in here and seen how.. feral—“

“Yeah yeah okay no need for details. We got it, we’ll not have any more incidents.” He stood up and began shoving Snotlout towards the door, but he dug his heels in the ground. 

“Astrid, you need to come with me. Clearly you can’t be trusted alone.”

“This is ridiculous Snotlout we’re adults; we can be in the same room without tearing each other clothes off.” 

Actually he wasn’t sure if that was true, but he was willing to take the risk if Snotlout would just leave. But Astrid stood and shook her head. 

“Maybe he’s right. I—“ She looked at Hiccup “—I’m getting married.” She gave him a small smile before exiting, Snotlout glaring once more before following her out. 

He could hear briefly the man lecturing Astrid, but he didn’t care. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts. 

Was it like that with Kai? Was it better? How was that possible? Too much more stimulation and he was sure he would have imploded. 

If it was like that with Kai, did that mean Hiccup had a chance of moving on himself? The thought didn’t sit well with him. 

Astrid had kissed him. She had kissed him and then reminded him she was engaged. If she was able to walk away from that, then who was he to argue any of it. If she was able to kiss him like that and then still choose Kai, then he had no right to get in between that. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t talk to her or look at her until after the wedding. Surely after she was a taken woman he’d be able to feel.. less. 

Less anger, less lust and just… less. Hopefully one day he’d look at her and feel nothing. Maybe one day they’d sit down while their children played together and laugh about how silly they had been. Maybe they’d scoff at the fact they thought they were in love. They’d think, we knew nothing back then. 

But for now the loss of her felt like a reopened wound, long and deep and needing of serious medical attention. He wasn’t sure how he’d found himself here, mere weeks after she returned. The longer he thought about it, the angrier he got. At himself and Astrid. 

She had left him all those years ago, choosing travel over him. He thought of her earlier description of Kai, and he wondered how many more times he would lose out to adventure. He didn’t have a great track record so far and honestly how stupid could he be? She was just in his bed this morning talking about how much she loved him and then not even twelve hours later she was trying to tear off his clothes in the forge? 

He thought about what Astrid had said this morning, about how with Kai she could be whoever she wanted to be and he loved it. But Hiccup had never asked for her to be anyone but herself. He wonders if she came back as the Astrid he knew if it would have been so easy to hate her. 

But she wasn’t her anymore, and that was part of the problem. It wasn’t that she had changed, because that was inevitable. It was the fact that she had purposely altered herself in the name of being who she isn’t. Was she truly that unhappy with her life that she would actively choose to go against everything she once believed in? 

He thought of her hair, her axe and even her demeanor. She was soft now, in many senses of the word. She let Kai run off to whore around for a few months while she stayed here, surrounded by people she once identified so strongly with but now she hardly knew. 

She had given up her axe. When she first mentioned that, it seemed odd but now the gravity of the act hit him hard. Her axe, the thing that truly made her a Viking, that she had carried around since she was old enough to yield a weapon. Her identity was wrapped around the handle of that and maybe she decided it was too hard to untangle herself from it so she chucked it instead. 

Hiccup tried to imagine leaving and pretending to be anyone but himself. He had to admit it did sound appealing, to not be in charge of an entire village. He could go out and see the world and just be. If he could pick any personna, what would it be? He pictured himself in the southern islands, armourless and weaponless. The vision was blurry, but appealing nonetheless. 

Would he do it, though? Maybe. Not in this life, of course. He had too many important things happening on the island and he could never leave until he had done his part. 

So that of course begged the question, why did Astrid leave? It was becoming clearer to Hiccup that she was unhappy with her life, with herself. But why? 

For a moment he doubted their relationship. But no, looking back he couldn’t convince himself that she was unhappy there. Unsatisfied, maybe. He could see now that she probably wasn’t satisfied with her life in any form back then. Hiccup wanted to believe that he brought her happiness back then, but so much bloodshed and war had tainted his mind he couldn’t rightly remember that form of pure joy anymore. All emotions he felt now were weighed down by his mistakes and shortcomings, and he once again envied Astrid for having the option to leave and not deal with this. 

He knew he had to figure this out if he had any chance of moving on, of going forward without hatred in his mind. But Snotlout wouldn’t like what that meant. 

He stood then, hanging his hammer up before exiting the forge, heading to Astrid’s hut for some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys didn’t think this was the forge sex I was talking about, did you? ;)


	7. Moving Forward

Astrid answered the door after the second knock, looking flustered. She touche her unbraided her, embarrassed, like she hadn’t spent her first week walking around with it unplaited. It suddenly occurs to Hiccup how quickly she fell back into Viking norm. 

“Hiccup.” She looks surprised and it upsets him because she should have known that they couldn’t leave things that way. She couldn’t kiss and run like that a second time. 

“Do you mind if I come in?” He tried to put on his chiefly voice but in the end he just sounded stupid, because they both knew no amount of authority would budge Astrid if she didn’t want to move. Thankfully she stepped aside anyways. 

He looked around her house, which had once been as familiar as his own and a painful wave of nostalgia washed over him. Everything was in the same place and he looked at Astrid and maybe she was too, she just didn’t know it yet. 

“Why did you leave?” Formalities were never his forte and why would he start now? She gave him a hard look before sitting in a chair beside the fire and sighing. 

“I just.. that’s a loaded question, you know that right?”

“You have to have a reason,” he insisted. 

“I told you, I wanted to find myself.” She cast her eyes down and began to twirl her loose hair nervously. 

“That’s a load of bull shit, you’ve always known who you are.” Hiccup was always in awe of how utterly and completely sure of herself Astrid was capable of being. 

“No, fifteen year old Astrid who thought she would die at the hands of a dragon battle knew who she was. After the Red Death, I think you were the only one sure of what the future held.” She said it like this was obvious, like they had all gathered for a secret village meeting to discuss how shaky their future seemed in the hands of Hiccup, the ex-village screw up. 

“So my success is why you left.” A statement, no anger or venom in his voice. 

“I wanted to know who I was outside of Hiccup’s Astrid.” She was shaking her leg nervously and the look she gave him was a mix of pity and frustration. 

“I don’t get it.” Hiccup couldn’t imagine where this thought had come from, that Hiccup had staked a flag in her and claimed her as his property. 

“Once you became Berk’s pride, I was pushed to the sidelines. I was stupid and emotional and I kissed you in front of the entire village and from that day on I was Hiccup’s Astrid.” 

“You make it sound like I treated you as some sidekick.” The notion that she ever thought of herself as anything less than the absolute hero of his life made him feel sick with guilt. He should have told her more often, probably. But there were always more important things and he was sure she knew. How would she had not known? Was it not written all over his face at all times?

“I know this is hard to believe, but this actually has very little to do with you.” She rolled her eyes and let out a huff of air and it occurred to him that this was a rehearsed speech, like she had been waiting for this to happen since she first stepped foot on the island. 

“You just told me you didn’t want to be Hiccup’s Astrid.” He furrowed his brow in confusion. 

“Yeah I— it’s complicated. You remember that time that I fell off Stormfly the night before we were all supposed to leave for a week to do some mapping?”

“Yeah and I swore your memory would never be the same.” Obviously he was wrong, she seemed to recall all these events with extreme ease. 

“Well Gothi said no flying so you guys had to leave me behind and for the first time in two years I was by myself. No gang and no you.” She paused. “And I was walking around the village and suddenly people weren’t stopping to talk to me. On the rare occasions someone did approach, it was to ask about you or our future wedding that I didn’t even know was something that needed to be thought about yet.” Her shoulders heaved as her words became more tainted with the emotion she had always tried too hard to hold back. 

“Not to mention that was the longest week of my life. I was going mad without you there, I wasn’t sure what I could be doing to help out and I realized it was because I was always looking towards you to guide me.” She gave a humorless laugh that made Hiccup sad. Just a few weeks ago he was feeling as if for the first time Astrid didn’t belong in Berk; it had never occurred to him that she had felt that way before. 

“So now you’re mad at me for being a good leader.” She scoffed and slammed her hand down on the table. Angry Astrid, now that was something Hiccup could deal with. 

“Did I not just say this wasn’t actually about you?”

“I’m listening.”

“It was the first time I had the chance to reflect back on how I had changed. And I’d felt like I’d done a complete 180. I felt soft, overshadowed by you and suddenly I didn’t know what my path was anymore.” She stopped to take a breath and Hiccup couldn’t help but think that everything she was afraid of was what she’d become since leaving. “Was I really just destined to be nothing more than a Chief’s wife?” 

“You would have been so much more than that.” Gods, she would have been chieftess, partner in all the impossible decisions he was being forced to make by himself right now. 

“I panicked because I could no longer separate my Astrid from Hiccup’s Astrid. I was the sidekick in my own mind and I felt like I could see the rest of my life so clearly. Obviously, I didn’t like what I saw because I was gone within the month.” The irony on the situation didn’t fall flat on her apparently, but it wasn’t the time for petty humor so he pushed forward. 

“What was wrong with what you saw?” 

“The older we got, the better you were with the people, the smarter you got and the larger of a shadow you cast. But I stayed the same, throwing axes at trees and supporting you when you needed it.” Hiccup got it; for the first time something in his brain clicked. He looked back to himself before he met Toothless, always living in the presence of his father and thinking how he’d never make a name for himself. He just never thought Astrid was capable of those thoughts too. 

“I assure you things were much more complicated than that after you left.” War. Bloodshed. Death. All at the hands of decisions he had made. He had sole responsibility of that and maybe that was why he was so mad at Astrid at first, because he was so eager to be able to spoon feed her his guilt until he felt a little lighter and less weighed down by grief. 

“I never said my vision was correct. It was just the reason why I left. And then I traveled and I hated it for so long. I thought about coming back so many times but I had already messed things up with you, and if I wasn’t coming back for you then really what was the point?” she shook her head. 

“So I continued to travel and the further I got from Berk the more sure I was that I was nothing more than a mere second in command to you. I know it’s not true but long nights alone can cause your mind to do crazy things. So I did everything I could to not be Hiccup’s Astrid, and maybe at first I felt uncomfortable and out of place. But eventually I grew… complacent. I see that now, being back on Berk I see that I was just pretending. But my gods, what an amazing time I had wearing a facade and pretending that I could force myself into someone else’s narrative.” 

“Do you regret it?” He wasn’t sure what the answer he wanted to hear was. 

“I regret missing out on you and the gang and not being here for all you guys went through. But I love what I saw out there and shedding my armor and feeling safe was more freeing than I’ll ever admit. But the best part, I know now, was coming home and putting it all back on.” She smiled before standing, heading to open the front door. “So if you ever find yourself in the midst of a war, just know I’ll be there, ready to fight on the frontlines.”

It wasn’t an apology, and for that he was grateful. He was no more ready to accept one than she was to give it. He gave her a slight nod before standing and walking out, feeling a tug of disappointment as the door shut behind him. 

—-

The next morning Hiccup sat at the Great Hall, pointedly avoiding Snotlout's glares and pretending to be interested in Fishleg’s recollection of a boulder class dragon they had discussed a million times before. When Astrid sat down across from him, and he gave her a slight nod before turning back to his large friend. 

Snotlout’s glare turned to a look of confusion and Ruffnut merely raised her eyebrows before turning back to her breakfast. Hiccup hated that she knew all of his private business, but expecting Snotlout to keep a secret would just lead to disappointment. 

At least he could still surprise them, he thought. He had no obligation to tell them about him and Astrid’s talk. Why would he anyways? It’s not like they made amends, it’s not like they were friends now. He looked towards Astrid and tried to make a snappy comment, but he was drawing a blank. 

Weird, normally insulting her was natural, words appearing in his mind seconds before they left his mouth. Oh wait, he had a good one. 

“Astrid, I was thinking we could finally sit down and nail down your wedding details, unless that’s been cancelled since your return to Viking-hood.” Nice, hit her where it hurts. 

Astrid nodded while chewing on a bite of mutton. “Okay, when would you like me come by?” No sarcasm, no roll of her eyes. What game was she playing?

“I’ll be home this afternoon, just try the door before the window, okay?” He searched for any sign that he was annoying her, but she simply nodded again before standing and replying. 

“Sure thing, Chief. See you then.” And then she was gone, heading outside without any indication of what she planned on doing for the rest of the day. 

Why did he care? Had he not been begging for some peace and quiet just yesterday? But this isn’t the way he wanted it. He wanted her to leave him alone and be angry. He felt off-balance, like something had changed without his permission. 

No, this wouldn’t work. He had to go find her, maybe she’d be training and he could make fun of her form or—

Snotlout’s hand landed on his arm, pulling him back to the table. He hadn’t realized he was even standing. 

“Let her go, man. I don’t know what happened, but this is a good thing.” He voice was dripping with pity and irritation flared in Hiccup, because why would he be feeling sorry for him right now? He just wanted to go remind Astrid that he hated her. 

“I was just going to do some chief stuff in the village before completing that mountain of paperwork.” He sounded frantric, because the longer he was held here then the harder it would be to find Astrid. 

“Chief stuff?” Eret raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Yeah, you know.. duties that only a chief can complete.” Wait when did he lose the skill to lie? Thor’s beard he was really reverting to his prepubescent self. 

“Hiccup, she has her mind made up. She’s going forward with the wedding.” Ruffnut gave him a sad smile and he sat back down, turning to face her. 

“What do you mean by that? She’s been engaged since she got back, I’ve been trying for ages to get her to talk about her damned wedding.”

Ruffnut opened and closed her mouth a few times before turning to look at Snotlout. He gave her a noncommittal shrug before looking at Hiccup.

“She was talking to Ruff and maybe... maybe she was having some doubts after first coming back.” Hiccup moved to speak, but his cousin slammed a hand over his mouth before continuing on. 

“And you weren’t helping her make up her mind. So you needed to stay away. Well I guess I was wrong about that, because you kissed her and all of the sudden she’s ready to tie the knot.” Snotlout let out a harsh hiss when his girlfriend hit him upside the head. 

Hiccup sat quietly for a moment, ignoring the shocked gasps of the rest of his companions who hadn’t yet heard about the encounter at the forge. He would have time to deal with that later. But right now he was too busy processing all he had just learned. 

“How could I have effected her like that? I met Kai once.” 

“All you’ve done is trash her since she got here. You showed her all the ways she has changed and you made it sound like a bad thing.” Ruffnut sounded angry and it occurred to Hiccup that she was taking Astrid’s side fully now. It caused his stomach to twist anxiously. 

“It is a bad thing. She’s not the same Astrid anymore.” Why was he the only person who could see that? 

“It’s been four years Hiccup, of course she’s not the same. You’ve grown a foot in that time period.” Snotlout rolled his eyes before turning back to his food. 

“Yeah but she didn’t change as in like.. evolving. She changed like she regressed into someone she was never going to be.” 

“You don’t get to pick the person someone turns out to be.” Eret pointed at him with his spoon, eyebrows raised. 

“I’m not picking, I was just emphasizing that she took the wrong path.” It sounded dumb coming out of his mouth but he was too deep in to change his mind now. How could he explain that he could see Astrid wasn’t happy this way?

“Your twisted logic aside, you made her feel inferior. Suddenly she didn’t know if she wanted to marry Kai or if he was just a fad. But clearly she has made up her mind now.” Ruffnut shrugged at him before standing and exiting, leaving a stunned Hiccup sat with his mouth open. He turned to the rest of his friends. 

“I made her feel inferior?” It’s not that he didn’t know the things he said were insulting, it was more that he thought he didn’t have the power to effect her like that. 

“You made her feel weak. And no matter how much she has changed, Astrid isn’t weak. And she definitely doesn’t want people viewing her like that.” It was the first time Fishlegs had spoken and he refused to make eye contact when he said it. 

Hiccup thought on that for a moment. He had called Astrid weak, several times in fact. He had said it because it was true, because she was physically weakened from the warrior she used to be. 

He had also hit on her mental resolve, calling her soft. She was softer than when she left. She didn’t pick as many fights and besides Hiccup’s jibes, it seemed to be a lot harder to anger her. But soft didn’t mean weak, he realized. 

“I had no idea I was making her feel that way.” He kept it at that, because he wasn’t sure if he would have stopped if he knew. He did know, in a way. He knew he was able to irritate her, but he didn’t realize to what extent. Up until about twelve hours ago he had been blinded by anger. It was a poor excuse for his actions, and therefore he wasn’t going to justify it out loud. 

Tuffnut shook his head disapprovingly. “You’re the Chief. What you says matters on a deep mysterious level that I don’t think anyone has figured out yet.”

“Astrid doesn’t care that I’m Chief.” He reminded the group. 

They sat silently for once, and it was still and uncomfortable. It said more than words could and Hiccup realized he was an idiot. Astrid had spent a lot of time lying to both him and herself about who she was and why. He couldn’t help but point it out to her because he had wanted so desperately to feel superior to her. But it was never his place. Sure, Astrid wasn’t acting like herself, and he truly believed that. He had heard her confirm it the previous night. But she would have figured it out for herself. She didn’t need his antagonizing taunts haunting her every move, pushing her before she was ready. 

“I can’t just apologize to her. That’s too..” Weird. Uncalled for. Not deserved. All those words came to his mind but none of them rang true enough. 

“Don’t apologize, just leave her alone. It’s not that hard. Help her with her wedding and leave it at that.” Hiccup once again found himself astounded at how wise Snotlout seemed. 

Not long after, the rest of his friends stood and left him alone with his thoughts. He couldn’t help the disappointment that was gnawing at the edge of his stomach, the same feeling he got when he lost a dragon race. The game was over and he wasn’t ready for it to be. 

But that came with the territory of being Chief. Everything ended and most of the time it was unsettling. He tried to remind himself that he’d faced worse than saying goodbye to Astrid, but at the moment it all seemed to pale in comparison. 

Even though he had spent too much time hating and reminding himself he didn’t love Astrid anymore, he had kept her on a pedestal in his mind. In the darkest times of war, he would allow himself to remember her. When he couldn’t think of a battle or escape plan, he would put himself in Astrid’s shoes and attempt to think like she did. This tactic had worked more than once. In his mind, she was tougher and stronger than anything he had ever faced. 

She had put up with Hiccup’s rude taunts despite the fact they were eating at her. She still was tough, he realized. He just had chosen to not appreciate her mental fortitude because he refused to recognize it. 

Truthfully, in this way she had become chieftess. She was where he turned in his most desperate moments, even when she wasn’t there. 

He wasn’t sure he could apologize to her. And he also didn’t want to forgive her for leaving. But he could move forward, for now.


	8. The Beckoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry I haven't been responding to the comments lately, I'm just having a hard time dealing with and responding to constructive criticism. Thank you for all of it, both positive and negative, but I am going to probably continue to write for myself and create the story that I have in mind. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Astrid

Astrid knocked on Hiccup’s door around midday. She felt nervous in a way she couldn’t identify and it made her anxious to get this visit over with. 

After their talk the previous night Astrid knew something had shifted in their relationship. Things couldn’t be all snarky comments and heated arguments without implications. She was the one who wanted to be friends, after all. She should be happy that it felt like they were closing the chapter of bitter exes. 

Except she wasn’t really sure if friends is what came after that. More than that, she felt like she didn’t want to be Hiccup’s friend anymore. 

Snotlout was right. What was she doing with Hiccup? Irritating him to no end, sure. But for what purpose? She didn’t want to have a relationship with Hiccup, not in the same way she did with Ruffnut or Snotlout. More than anything she wanted to slip back into her old spot; Hiccup’s right hand woman, the one he looked to for advice. 

But that didn’t come without the romance. Not really, not in the way she had wanted it to. Solving problems and figuring things out together, even if it was their own issues, felt too much like a date. In that split second before Snotlout caught them in the forge Astrid could pretend things had never changed. She forgot that she had left and that they had been at each other’s throats since the moment she returned. 

She’s not saying she wished she hadn’t left. She’s not saying she wanted to keep pretending. But in the moment she had forgotten, and that scared her. She had left, had become someone other than Astrid the Viking and all Hiccup had been doing since she returned was trying to erase that. 

He wasn’t wrong, not really. She had been pretending to be someone who she’s not. But that was her business, and some of those parts were her too, he just didn’t know it. 

While she was gone she had realized she liked sailing, something her and Hiccup had never done. Berk was the land of dragons, who needed a boat? But the rest of the world wasn’t like that. There were many times she found herself on a boat with companions because Stormfly couldn’t fit all of them on her back. And there was nothing like the slap of the ocean against wood to really calm someone’s racing thoughts. Those first few months her and Kai had spent weeks on the ocean, loving and learning and living in a way she wasn’t sure she’d be able to do ever again. 

So yes, while Astrid had spent some time not being who she truly is, she had also come into her element in a way she never would have been able to on Berk. Hiccup didn’t see that, though. He only saw what he wanted to, which were the broken pieces of Astrid that resembled the girl he used to know. 

So Snotlout was right, and she chose to follow him out of the forge. She chose to commit herself fully to Kai, to the man that had never made her feel like she’d let him down by just choosing to be. 

Hiccup pulled open the door with a small creak and gave her an awkward smile. 

“Hey,” she pointed inside. “Is now an okay time to talk about the wedding?” 

He stepped aside and gestured for her to come in, and it occurred to Astrid this might be the first time since her return that he had actually invited her inside. 

“Come on in, let me just clear off the table.” She watched with raised eyebrows as Hiccup shifted large mounds of papers to the floor. He put his hand to the back of his neck awkwardly when he finished. 

“There are a lot of treaty renewals coming up soon, and since my dad was the one who wrote and agreed to them I have a lot of catching up to do to see if I want to make any changes.” 

She didn’t reply, but instead wondered if any of his drunken memories had come back. She wanted to ask, but knew that would be crossing the line of the new, strict boundaries she had set. She also wanted to offer to help him review the treaties, but she wasn’t the Chief’s wife so that too would be crossing to the wrong side. 

So she sat down at the empty chair and patiently waited for him to finish organizing his papers. It was silent and awkward and she searched desperately for a topic that would be safe to talk about. What did you talk about with someone you had no plans on sustaining any type of a relationship with? 

Luckily, Hiccup sat down with a notebook and pencil, effectively pulling her from her thoughts. 

“Wedding details, tell me what you’d like.” 

Astrid ignored the strain in his voice and pushed forward through a painful hour where they talked of nothing more than Kai and their future together. She didn’t want it to be like this. She wished Kai was here because that’s what she had always pictured. She was supposed to be excited but instead this felt like a chore, something to scratch of her to-do list. When Hiccup shut his notebook she was relieved. She stood quickly, pushing her chair into the table. 

“Thank you for your time, Chief.” He gave her an awkward nod, not quite making eye contact before she turned away and headed for the door. 

“Just call me Hiccup, okay?” She froze, hand on the knob. She wanted so bad to turn to him, maybe give him a hug or shove it in his face how much he wanted things to be normal between them. But neither felt appropriate so she turned the handle before replying. 

“I think formalities are appropriate for now.” She exited before he had a chance to respond, warm wind whipping her braid behind her back. 

—-

Astrid couldn’t stop staring at the note. 

It was from Kai, and she was surprised to see it. She didn’t think they would have any contact until he returned for their wedding day. But she opened it eagerly and was now staring open-mouthed at the words. 

“Astrid my love,

My return home has reminded me of my deep seeded roots in this land. It pains me greatly to think about leaving this forever. I have put deep thought into this, and I believe you should return here, where we can live out our days happily. I have seen you here, and I know you can love it as much as Berk. Together we will flourish. Please, come home. We will marry the same day of your return.

I am yours, always.” 

It had been over half an hour since she read it the first time, and she had probably read it twenty times since, but she still couldn’t wrap her head around it. 

It’s not that she hadn’t expected Kai to feel nostalgic about leaving his home. Before Astrid he hadn’t travelled very far, and he often expressed eagerness to return during their long voyages. She was surprised by his engagement offer, but she never saw it as an act of desperation to keep her around. Kai never lied or manipulated; it was one of his best qualities.

But looking back she can’t help but notice things that went over her head before. His proposal had come the day before she was supposed to leave, and he had been trying to convince her to stay for weeks prior. Not to mention that he left Berk mere days after their initial arrival. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to truly understand the culture she grew up in. 

Why wasn’t she angrier about that? She had spent so much time diving head first into his culture, to learn and understand him better. In the end it had left her with a greater appreciation of everything Kai had to offer, both as a person and a lover.

But he hadn’t given her the same opportunity. He had seen her home, left and then sent a letter asking her to come home. The word came to her mind sluggishly, and it sounded wrong. That wasn’t her home. Berk as her home; it was the place that had shaped her into the person she is today. She wasn’t sure she could settle down anywhere besides the archipelago, and it felt wrong of Kai to ask her of this. 

She shook her head vehemently, reminding herself that this was exactly what she had asked of Kai. She had refused to begin a life with him unless it was on Berk, so how could she get mad at him for doing the same thing? Her mind was spinning with contradicting thoughts and she wasn’t sure which were right.

Mostly though, she was wrapped up in a slew of emotions. She was heart broken, of course. She loved Kai and had begun to plan her life with him. And through a note she had come to find out it might not come true. 

She looked down to her shaking hands and felt her uneven breaths shake her shoulders. She grabbed the axe from under her pillow and stumbled out of the door, headed towards the woods. This was the one thing she could always count on to bring her mind peace. 

—-

By the time she could unfurl her blistered hands from the handle of her axe, the sun was setting behind the mountains. She trudged her way back to the orange glowing lights of the village, the sweat soaking through her tunic and dripping down her back the only thing she was truly aware of. Everything else seemed fuzzy and distorted at the edges. Her footsteps didn’t echo the same way she was used to and even her heaving breaths felt different in her chest. By the time she stepped out of the tree line she had almost completely lost her bearings. 

She barely had time to move out of the way when a Night Fury landed in her path. She stumbled to the side and watched as Hiccup dismounted, removing his helmet and placing it under his arm before giving her an odd look. 

“You look like you’ve just seen Odin’s Ghost.” He raised his eyebrows at her and gave Toothless a pat on the head. 

Astrid stared at him for a moment more before continuing towards her home. She didn’t have anything to say to him, not really. She supposed she should tell him to cancel the wedding preparations, but for the sake of her mental stability she wouldn’t do that right now. 

She made a few steps forward before Hiccup appeared beside her. She sighed in annoyance, knowing that whatever he threw at her right now she wouldn’t be able to take with the same grace she did earlier. 

“Astrid, did you hear me?” He put a hand on her shoulder to try and slow down her pace, and she realized how fast she was walking. She didn’t slow, though. Instead she shook his palm off roughly and pushed forward. 

“Stormfly got into a fight today.” He hadn’t moved, and was standing a few paces behind her now. She froze in her tracks but didn’t turn around. 

“It wasn’t anything serious, a Gronkle had just taken the toy she was playing with. But Toothless had to cut in, and that was her first interaction being truly ordered around by an Alpha and it spooked her. She flew away soon after and Toothless and I just got back from searching for her.” 

Astrid wasn’t sure why he paused, probably so she’d stop acting weird and speak up to ask about her dragon, the most important presence in her life. She wanted to but the words wouldn’t come. Her throat swelled and she felt so out of control because of it. She had no way of telling him to continue on and let her know if her dragon was okay. She supposed she could turn around and he would probably recognize the pleading look in her eyes. But any type of emotion shared between them was strictly off limits, so she stayed facing forward and just hoped he would get on with it. 

“She’s fine, by the way. She wouldn’t come home though. Toothless could have ordered her back but that felt counterproductive so we left her. She’s just a few islands away and she’ll come back in her own time, but if you want I could fly you to her…” His sentence felt unfinished, an implication hanging in the air but she wasn’t sure what it could be. Either way, no matter how much she wanted to curl up under Stormfly’s wings, she knew she couldn’t fly anywhere with Hiccup. 

“If she’s not back in the morning I could ask Eret to take me.” Her and Eret had made a relatively solid friendship since her return. He had volunteered to train with her a few weeks ago and from there things had seemed natural. He wasn’t the type of person to ask personal questions and he didn’t know her that well, so he would be the perfect person to make a trip like that with.

“Right.” He wanted to say something else; she could tell by his voice. But it seemed like he had drawn his own lines and he continued on with a different topic. “I had been looking for you for a while. I checked your house and the Great Hall and I was just heading to the woods.”

She scoffed, unable to hold back her irritation any longer. She just wanted to get back and be alone, but of course the one time she’s ready to leave Hiccup wants to chat. 

“How quickly the tables have turned. I leave you alone for one day and suddenly you’re the one who can't handle not being in my presence.” She waited for his angry voice to counter, for him to storm up and challenge her. She just wanted to be on an even playing field again, after all the unfamiliarity of the day she just really needed steady ground under her feet. 

But he didn’t say anything. He didn’t approach her or even let an exasperated sigh pass his lips. He wasn’t giving her anything to go off of. The urge to stomp her feet was overwhelming. She turned around to see him standing awkwardly, Toothless no longer by his side. 

“I sent him after Stormfly.” It annoyed her that he seemed to always know what she was thinking. “I think it’s best she comes home tonight.” 

“You just don’t want me to go alone with Eret.” It was a low blow and maybe not even true, but there was a flash in his eyes that made her feel worse as opposed to better. Then something occurred to her. 

“Toothless can fly without you?” His tail fin had never grown back. Or had it in the years she had been gone?

“After everything that had happened, I made him one he could operate on his own. I keep it in his saddlebag. He doesn’t like to use it but we both know when it’s necessary. He should be back in a few hours.” He glanced down at his feet and she shifted uncomfortably. 

“That must be hard for you.” Hiccup and Toothless relying on each other was something they had always used as an advantage. They were both missing something before they found each other. Losing limbs had only brought them closer together. She knew it wasn't easy for Hiccup to accept he could be his own self without his human; not when Hiccup had always needed him to feel complete. 

“That’s one of the smallest sacrifices I had to make.” It sounded like a statement that should be true, but his voice was small when he spoke. His prosthetic groaned loudly when he shifted his leg and it only served to emphasize her statement. He would never be whole again; not like Toothless could. 

“I’m gonna go home; it’s been a long day.” She moves forward without waiting for a response and sighed in relief when he bid her goodnight. 

A few hours later she awoke to a banging on her roof. She peaked out her window to see two dragons looking at her curiously. She smiled brightly at her Deadly Nadder and beckoned her inside. 

When she was on Berk before, she kept Stormfly in her pen. But long nights traveling had made it a habit for them to sleep together, both for warmth and safety. She didn’t mind it then, but it was something she didn’t know she’d miss. When she came back Stormfly had seemed more than okay with taking up her own space outside again, but the moment the dragon curled up against her side she felt a pang of guilt for not letting her in the house sooner. She would close the door to the pen tomorrow.

Toothless gave her a questioning warble and Astrid returned a small smile. He tilted his head curiously, waiting a moment longer before launching off the windowsill, flying towards his home. 

She listened to the even rise and fall of Stormfly’s breaths and felt at peace for the first time since the previous night. The talk between her and Hiccup had left her feeling like a new chapter was beginning, and all the other changes that followed left her with her head spinning. 

She didn’t know who she was anymore. The past four years had been dedicated to nothing but finding herself, and when she got back she was still left unsatisfied. Now she was even more unsure than when she left. 

She sat up, shaking her head roughly. She wasn’t going to try and find herself anymore. She was just going to be herself. She didn’t know what it meant, but she knew she was capable of it. She would stop searching for happiness by running away and would take all the pieces of herself and turn them into Astrid, the exploring Viking, the person she has always been.


	9. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand we’re back! I had major writer’s block after the last chapter, because I honestly had no idea where to go after Kai’s break up letter. But last night it hit me, and I wrote all this in just over an hour. It’s definitely not what I originally had in mind, but I’m happy with the direction I decided to take it!

Hiccup

Pain. Blinding pain. Literally. A sharp brightness infiltrated his vision anytime he attempted to open his eyes. So he was stuck, laying on his back on a raiders ship. Dragonless, sightless and back-upless. 

Heat began licking at his feet and it occurred to him that the brightness he was seeing was due to the flames Toothless had let loose before their separation. That’s impossible, though. He was wearing a flame proof suit. Surely he was unable to be injured with it on. 

He yelped and forced himself into a sitting position as he felt the sure signs of a burn blossoming on his left calf. Okay, so maybe the new suit needed some minor adjustments. It didn’t seem to matter though, as he was having trouble thinking of an escape plan. 

Hiccup was sure at least a few of his ribs were broken, which made it quite difficult for him to sit up, never mind stand. And the sharp shooting pain in his head probably didn’t spell anything good either. And he was sure if he could open his damned eyes he would see he was surrounded by a circle of flame. On a wooden ship. 

Things were looking bleak. 

He hadn’t planned on doing this, really he hadn’t. He was on his way back from a Chief meeting on another island in the Archipelago when he just happened to cross the path of a few no good dragon trapper ships.

Should he have scoured out where they were headed and then flew home for reinforcements? Probably. But Hiccup wasn’t famous for his well thought out plans, and even if he was, anyone would have had a hard time convincing him this was a bad idea at the time. 

He shook his head. Stupid stupid stupid. Then he forced his eyes open. He didn’t have time to think about it now. 

He clambered clumsily to his feet, seriously wondering if his upper half would disconnect from his bottom half of all of his ribs were to crumble right now. He also noted that his ankle might be sprained, and for the first time in a long time he was grateful that he had one less appendage than the average person to injure. 

He searched for an opening, eyes narrowing on the spot that offered him the best chance. Now or never, he thought grimly. He gave himself a running start and jumped-

Only to find his right arm caught in the talons of a Deadly Nadder. He would never admit aloud how grateful he was to see his ex girlfriend. 

“How ya doin, Chief?” He watched as a long blonde braid followed by a set of blue eyes peaked at him with an arrogant air. 

“Astrid!” He greeted lightly. “I had that under control.” He stifled a flinch as the ship he just departed exploded. 

She stuck her bottom lip into a pout and nodded her head sarcastically. 

“Beautifully handled, as always.” 

His retort was cut short by the presence of a whistling noise, followed by a blue fireball that passed dangerously close. Hiccup squeezed his eyes shut, apparently still feeling sensitive to light. With that final explosion, he watched as the caged dragons flew off and the ships sank to their demise. 

After they had flown a short distance away, Hiccup found himself being placed back onto his dragon. He gave Toothless a grateful rub behind the ear. 

“Thanks for all your hard work, bud.” He then turned towards Astrid. 

“How’d you know?” 

She shook her head before smirking. “I really am just that good.” 

“You’ve been part of the flight brigade for less than a year, don’t you think you’re being a little cocky?” 

“Less than a year and I already have a better track record than all the other riders combined. I’m not sure how you got anything accomplished without me.” 

Hiccup simply shrugged, unable to deny her words as much as he wanted to. Astrid was definitely the best of all the team. It was hard to imagine a time that they had gotten anything done in a productive manner before she arrived back at the island. Speaking of which- 

“Your year anniversary of your return is coming up, is it not?” He turned to her, watching as her braid flapped in the wind. 

“I guess it is. With all the craziness going on I must have forgot.” She waved a hand dismissively. 

Hiccup’s eyes narrowed. He suspected this was far from the truth. Astrid was always conscious of the date. The real reason was probably something much more personal. Something he probably shouldn’t bring up. 

“We can still celebrate, even if you were a bitch those first few months.” Their relationship had never done well with beating around the bush. 

“Is it so hard for you to believe that I don’t regret the way that first while played out?” She rolled her eyes, but kept her head remaining forward. 

“For anyone else, yes. For you however, I find it to be rather in character.”

“I just think a celebration is a bit much. I came home. That’s all. Let’s stop thinking about the past and move forward.” 

The sharp edge to her tone did not go unnoticed, but Hiccup decided to hold back this time. Their relationship was much more stable than it had been back then, but it was still something that needed to be kept in check. They flew in companionable silence for a while before Astrid spoke again. 

“You shouldn’t be able to fly with those injuries.” Her eyes were still facing forward. Hiccup was not sure when she even had the chance to take in account his present state. 

“You’re flinching every time we hit a pocket of air.” She supplied, leaving Hiccup to wonder if she could actually read minds. 

“I have no choice but to fly. Otherwise I’d still be on that ship.” 

“We should stop and rest for the night. It’s already getting dark and we aren’t even close to home.”

Hiccup contemplated that for a moment, prepared to disagree. But she was already directing Stormfly to the ground, Toothless following happily. 

Hiccup wanted to point out that he was Chief, that he had the final day in all decisions. But with Astrid he knew that would never be the case, and trying to pretend otherwise would just end in embarrassment. 

It wasn’t that she disregarded his leadership. It was quite the opposite, actually. Just in situations that were less about acting fast and thinking later, she seemed to have a better intuition. It was something that he admitted lightly, but he thought it made him a wiser chief to acknowledge his weaknesses and delegate them to people he trusted.

So he kept his mouth shut as he landed on the green grass of a nearby island. Except when he went to dismount. He couldn’t help the hiss of pain that slipped out then. Astrid turned quickly, laying a concerned glance on him. 

“Maybe this will teach you to think twice about taking on raiders by yourself,” she scolded, helping him sit against a tree as she collected logs for a fire. 

“I just wanted to get the problem solved right there and then.” 

“How’d that work out for you?” Her voice dripped with irritation and Hiccup could feel his own anger levels rising. 

“Pretty well, considering the dragons are free and the ships are eliminated.”

“Yeah, and you would be too if it wasn’t for me and Stormfly.”

“For the first time I am so very grateful for your incessant stalking.”

He felt warmth at the back of his head and braced himself for the slap he was sure was coming. Instead, he found it was Astrid’s hand gently caressing him. She placed her other hand under his chin and forced him to look into his eyes. He squinted as the setting sun assaulted his vision. 

“There’s a pretty good possibility that you’re concussed. You probably shouldn’t sleep tonight, just in case.” She turned then, picking herbs out of her bag methodically and throwing them into a pot over the fire. 

Hiccup watched in silence, feeling suddenly cold. He studied her hands closely as they moved from her pouch to the flames. He found himself wondering how hands that just treated him so gently could possibly cause so much damage. But Astrid packed a punch like no other, one that he probably deserved after his last comment. 

She probably only held back because he was hurt, he thought to himself. The only other option was that he no longer had the ability to get under her skin, and that thought was an unsettling one. 

“Must be some injury, if you aren’t gonna hit me after that.” Clearly that battle had knocked something loose in his head. Why was he sounding so damned insecure? A small smile appeared on Astrid’s face, illuminated by the firelight as she stirred the pot. 

“I did not come all this way just to accidentally kill you for a stupid comment.” She looked up at him. “You’re my Chief, after all.” 

She then handed him a cup of whatever she had concocted. Hiccup gave her a wary glance, knowing that whatever was in the cup would not taste good, but was probably going to ease the pain. He brought the cup up and sniffed lightly and scrunched his nose in response. He held it up in the form of a cheers and downed it quickly. 

Hiccup couldn’t help the sigh that came out as the warm liquid made its way down his throat, passing by his sore ribs and settling pleasantly in his empty stomach. 

“It’s strong stuff, so even though I said no sleeping I probably just fucked you.” 

“Been awhile since that happened.” Hiccup’s eyes snapped open as his words trickled up to his brain. My Thor, he really was being stupid right now. 

“I’m gonna let that one slide on account of this being a fast working medicine. So I’ll just assume your mind is all muddled and you aren’t thinking properly.” She paused. “Not that you ever think properly, but you seem to have taken it to an extreme this time.” 

Hiccup felt too groggy to respond, which was probably for the best. He was aware of Astrid moving him away from the tree, but that was the last coherent moment before the darkness took over. 

—-

“Oi, Chief! I don’t think you’re supposed to be out of bed yet.” 

Hiccup froze as he heard the voice approaching him. He plastered a smile on his face and turned to face the one obstacle between him and a night time flight. 

“Eret! Hey buddy, how’s it going? You’re looking rather… buff today.” Nailed it. 

“Are you hitting on me, Chief?”

He thought on that. If he said yes, would he be let off the hook? Or would this lead to an eventual marriage? Hiccup paled at the thought. 

It’s not that he wouldn’t marry Eret, it’s more he wasn’t sure he was enough man for his burly friend. He gave him a once over before shaking his head. 

“It would never work, we aren’t compatible lovers. But I’ll still dream of you. Tonight. After I get back from my flight.” He turned around and took a few steps before a large hand landed on his shoulder. He felt the reverberations through his ribs and try as he might, was unable to hold back the groan of pain that slipped out of his mouth. 

“Doesn’t sounds like you’re in any shape to be leaving your house yet.”

“It’s been a week, I think I am more than capable of making rational decisions now.” 

The first few days after his return had confirmed his suspicions of his head injury. Gothi had insisted that the part of the brain that assists with decision making and processing had been injured. It sounded like a made up reason for Hiccup to be taken out of commission for a while, but he had found himself doing some questionable acts over the past few days. 

“Just yesterday you told Snotlout his child would come out fully grown.” Eret raised his eyebrow. 

“What? We’re all thinking it. Ruff is only fivemonths pregnant and her belly is huge! She has to be carrying a large kid! It was a joke about that, not about Snot’s height.”

It was the wrong thing to say, but he only realized it once it was out of his mouth and Eret was dragging him back into his house while lecturing. 

“Injuries take time to heal, and if we let you out while you’re in this state then you will remain permanently incapacitated due to all the pain the people of this village will inflict on you.

“I could have taken Ruffnut.”

“You can’t fight a pregnant woman!” 

“I can if she’s charging after me!” Hiccup insisted as Eret pushed him roughly up the stairs to his porch. 

“If Astrid hadn’t had held her back, I’m sure she could have done some extreme damage.” 

“Astrid’s no fun anymore.” Hiccup turned his head to the side. He was pouting, but he’d never say it out loud.

“You’re just mad she stopped playing your game and you lost your shot with her.”

Hiccup took up the defensive this time, anger flaring. “She was engaged. Her fiancé breaks up with her. She tries to sleep with me right after, I reject her. To me it sounds like I stopped playing her game.” 

Eret merely shrugged. “We both know the game went on for a while after that.” He gave him a pat on the shoulder before turning to leave. “Good night, mate.” 

Hiccup was left standing on the porch, jaw dropped open and speechless. The last nine months had caused a lot of changes in his and Astrid’s relationship. It wasn’t easily earned, and there were many times he thought there was irreparable damage done. But they stood as friends now, mostly unaffected by their past grudges and arguments. Mostly because they never talked about it, deciding that avoiding their old outbursts was the best way to move forward. 

He watched as Astrid walked slowly out of the woods, axe strapped to her back and hair falling out of the tight braid, which now fell past her shoulder blades. The smile that spread across his face at the sight was unexpected, but not surprising. 

Some things, he thought, would never change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time skip! I did not originally plan this, and I will be doing flashbacks as there were some interesting things revealed that had happened in that period. Thanks for sticking with me! I’ll try not to wait another month before the next update!


	10. New Leaf

“I haven’t seen you in a few days.” Hiccup examined Astrid, who was bent over the table reading the newest treaty from the Berserker Tribe. Her eyes stayed glued to the paper as she replied. 

“Haven’t had a reason to stop by.” 

It was late, hours after a council meeting had commenced and they were the only two left in the room. Hiccup had asked her to stay behind knowing she was the best person to help make sense of the mess that was Dagur’s renewal agreement. 

He tried not to take offense at her words, after all her voice was absent of any venom. But the disappointment that seeped in at the statement was prominent. 

Her back straightened, brows scrunching as she examined the clauses closely. 

“I don’t think he’s asking for anything additional. He just changed his phrasing, maybe to make it sound more professional?” She paused and then snorted. “Well, besides for the last bullet point here.” The paper tapped against the table under the pressure of her fingertip as she directed his attention. 

Hiccup walked over to peer at the words. His jaw dropped and he read it twice more, thinking that maybe his head injury was still present and was now affecting his ability to process words. 

“Marriage to the fierce, previously betrothed handmaiden of Berk,” Astrid read aloud. 

“Is he talking about you?” What universe was he living in where Dagur wanted to marry the person who probably hit him more than anyone else?

“I must have knocked something loose in his brain when I slapped him last month.” She shook her head in disbelief. 

“Punching people has never stopped them from pursuing a relationship with you,” Hiccup pointed out. He perked up then. “Do your punches make people fall in love?”

She laughed lightly before responding. “Maybe that’s why Kai didn’t stick around.”

Hiccup raised his eyebrows. “You never hit Kai?”

Astrid shook her head. “I didn’t do much back then.” She gave him a once over before turning her back. “I’m gonna go home.” 

“Astrid?”

She paused and turned, a questioning look on her face. He couldn’t explain it, but he wasn’t ready for her to leave. 

“I..”

—-

Ten months ago

“In a letter?”

“Yep.”

“Are you gonna write him back?”

“Nope.”

A pause. 

“Are you going to leave?”

Astrid didn’t respond. Instead, lifted her head from where it sat on the table. There were dark circles under her eyes that caused Hiccup a rare moment of pity for the shieldmaiden. She placed her hand under her chin and Hiccup tensed at the scrutiny in her glare. 

“Would you miss me if I did?” The teasing tone did not go unnoticed, and immediately Hiccup felt his temper flare. 

She had been standing outside of the room that was used for small council meetings in the Great Hall. They had just finished a gruelling treaty discussion and Hiccup wanted nothing more than to take to the air, but was shocked to see Astrid eyeing him expectantly. When she had asked if they could talk, he wasn’t expecting her to tell him in great detail about her now terminated engagement. But here they sat, back in that same room.

“I guess it would be better to leave as opposed to face the village as a single woman once more.” 

He was expecting an angry retort, maybe even some yelling. His adrenaline was already rushing at the thought of it. At this moment, there was nothing more satisfying than getting Astrid’s blood boiling. 

But all she gave was a small laugh. He looked down to see her bangs swish as she slowly shook her head. 

“I have to deal with that, don’t I?”

Hiccup clasped his hands under the table and tried to pretend like this wasn’t awkward. Astrid wasn’t supposed to reveal her true emotions like this, she should be taking out her frustrations out on him. They were at their best when they were yelling and arguing, but she didn’t seem interested right now. In fact, she really hadn’t seemed to want to interact with him at all lately. He knew the only reason she had told him about this personally was because of his Chief status. 

“It’s not that I’m ashamed of my break up I just…” she blew air out and the warmth hit Hiccup’s chest. 

“No one has been impressed with me since I came back. I get it, considering the legacy I left behind. My name is so wrapped in with you, their beloved chief and what I did to you was… not cool. I understand it.” She raised her eyes to him. “But I thought I was happy. I thought, I have Kai, I don’t need their approval. And now I don’t have anything, I’m just the selfish girl who left their Chief in shambles.

“And I can’t help but feel like everyone is going to celebrate that. I’m going to walk around miserable and lonely and they’ll think ‘serves her right.’ I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” 

Hiccup sat silent, the heartfelt words sinking slowly in. The news of the break up was fresh and he hadn’t thought about it enough to realize what she was clearly agonizing over. It was true, the village had taken a stance against Astrid. Most of that was because Hiccup had gone out of his way to show his distaste for her in public settings. Deep down he wanted her to feel pitted against, craved for her to feel isolated and lonely the same way he had four years ago. 

But now that karma had done its due diligence, he felt rather disappointed with the ramifications. He didn’t feel any happiness at Astrid’s embarrassment and sadness. In fact he was pretty sure he felt guilt blooming in the pit of his stomach. 

‘I thought I was happy.’ 

The words echoed in his mind, confirming what he already knew. Astrid wasn’t as broken up about her break up as she thought she would have been. He would even be inclined to assume that part of her was relieved. 

Hiccup knew Astrid better than anyone. Their time apart had done nothing to dampen their emotional connection. When she arrived back on Berk, she began to change in a way that would never allow her to be completely satisfied with Kai. She wouldn’t admit that out loud, and would have probably gone through with the marriage, living out a mediocre life with a man she moderately loved. 

But nothing about Astrid should be like that. She was extraordinary, and he wasn’t even talking about her in the way a person who was once in love with her might. He was just stating it as a fact. She was smarter than most, more athletic than the average and was able to command the respect of the majority of people she came into contact with. What about that screamed average?

“You’ll win them over, it’ll just take some time. Vikings are stubborn, but they aren’t stupid. They’ll follow someone who they think will lead them in the right direction.” 

She glanced up at him then. He hadn’t realized it, but he had walked closer and was now standing directly above where she sat. Therefore he was only marginally surprised when her lips met his. 

It wasn’t like the last time. There was no anger or hatred in this moment, but the kiss felt just as heated. Her mouth moved slowly against his, building to somewhere greater than any place the conversation could have taken them. 

Her hands traced down his shoulder blades, settling underneath his rib cage. She pulled him hard against her just as he reached and lifted her onto the table. She parted her knees and he settled between them, the warmth of her body inviting him closer. 

Their mouths met once more and he felt surprised that something this gentle could be so intense. He had let her take the lead, not entirely convinced that this was a good idea but too enthralled to pull back. Her lips had set a steady pace, slow enough that his thoughts hadn’t been completely clouded but more passionate than he would ever admit out loud. 

When her tongue flicked against his lips, his hands flew into her hair, one against the base of her skull and the other pulling lightly on the end of her braid, angling her head back. Things became infinitely more intense then, and the gasp she let out when he bit down on her lip was the most glorious sound he had heard in years. 

The first seeds of doubt were planted when she moved her hands under his shirt. The small break in physical contact it had taken for her to move her palms from his shoulders to his lower back was all it took to shake him back to the present. 

She had just been broken up with. She had just been broken up with and she was making out with her ex boyfriend. Her ex boyfriend, whom was still very much in love with her. 

If he allowed this to continue right now, then there would be no chance for this to progress to an actual relationship. He would just be a meaningless fuck; the person she used to get over her old lover. So as much as it pained him, he had to pull back. 

Astrid’s face was painted with lust and confusion. It was a beautiful sight and he let himself drink it in before the questions started. He couldn’t be sure if this would end in a fight, but with them that was always a possibility. 

“Don’t you want this?”

It was a loaded question and he wasn’t sure he was ready to answer it honestly. 

“No.”

Harsh, and not very true. In a way he wasn’t lying; he didn’t want to continue and suffer the consequences of it down the line. But with Astrid, he would always want this. He was just using his better judgement to benefit their relationship later on. 

“You don’t have to do this, I’m single now so I doubt Snot would care too much.” 

“You don’t think Snot would care if I hooked up with you just days after you got dumped?” 

Looking back now, he knew their relationship just wasn’t ready to be properly healed. They both wanted to be angry at the other, and that was probably why he was unable to keep the venom out of his voice.

“I didn’t realize you let your cousin rifle through who you were allowed to fuck before it happened.” She put a hand to his chest and shoved harshly. He thought she would get up and storm out, but instead she put her elbows to her knees and her head in her hands. 

“What am I to you?” She didn’t look up and Hiccup found himself annoyed at the sheepish question. She feared his rejection so much she wouldn’t even make eye contact. 

“You were literally all gung-ho about marrying another man two seconds ago so I feel like you’re asking the wrong person the wrong questions.” 

“You know what I’m talking about.”

He was stubborn, and a good liar. “If you’re referring to your habit of seducing me in odd places, I would like to remind you of who pulled back and what that might mean.” 

She jumped up then, approaching him slowly with a dangerous calm. “So you’re saying you don’t have any feelings for me?”

Hiccup sputtered. “I’m saying that I’m not interested in anything you have to offer me right now.”

A flash of hurt ran across Astrid’s eyes for only a moment before she masked her emotions. He could practically see her boxing up her turmoil to throw an axe at later. 

She scrutinized him for a moment more before walking quickly to the front of the Great Hall and out the door. The loud squeak was the only thing to break the dangerous silence that had fallen upon the room.

Hiccup pressed his lips tightly together in lue of hitting his head against the table. He was trying to answer her question without lying, but in the end he sounded like a giant asshole. If he had any brain cells left, he would march straight to Astrid and be upfront and honest about his thought process. But he must have suffered one too many head injuries because try as he might he couldn’t get his Thor Damned feet to move. They felt heavy, like maybe his shoes were glued to the scuffed up wooden panels.

The truth was that he was arrogant. Astrid and him have had way worse scuffles than this, so why should he go stressing about it now? She hadn’t apologized to him about any of their past arguments, so why should he take the first step when she was the one that had caused this entire mess?

Except looking back, deep down he knew this was different. This was a serious moment where she was asking him a question he wasn’t ready to answer out loud. Instead of saying that, or even instead of a normal rejection, he had made it sound like she was a boring school book. One that he might need to use when he was older, so he kept it around just in case.

He trudged out of the Great Hall and whistled for Toothless. A nighttime flight was sure to clear his mind of the bizarre situation.

\---

“You’re thinking about that day, aren’t you?” Astrid’s voice shook him back to the present.

He stiffened. “Uh…”

“Don’t worry about it, that was actually one of the best things that could have happened.” Her laugh sent a shiver down his spine. 

“What makes you say that?”

She walked over and leaned against the table. “Well, you could have used nicer words, but the point stands. If you hadn’t rejected me right there and then, I probably would have kept after you a lot longer. Because of your honesty I was able to let go. Well, after a few days of licking my wounds, that is.” She shook her head, eyes cast down to the floor. “I would never have moved on and we wouldn’t have this friendship.”

‘Friendship’ was a bit of a stretch, Hiccup thought. She was on his council now, and was fully welcomed back into their friend group, but she did her best to avoid any one on one time with Hiccup. In addition, she never sought him out to just… hang out. It was always business when he saw Astrid approaching. It was a sobering thought everytime he remembered. Astrid was here but would never be his. In most ways, he had accepted this as a fact. But there was a part of him that had continued to long after her, seeking her out for menial tasks that any other person on his council was capable of completing. But the more Astrid pulled away, the more he found himself crossing the strict boundaries she had drawn. 

She knew it, too. That’s why she was saying all this, of course. It was a reminder. We’re just friends, Hiccup. That door has long been shut.

“Yeah, of course you’re right.” He hoped his voice sounded steadier to her than it did in his own ears.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you for a few weeks actually but..” She paused and Hiccup looked up to see a sincere gleam cast in her blue eyes.

“What is it?”

“I’m sorry, Hiccup. I should have said it sooner. Like, as soon as I got back and then again directly after every fight we had. But I held back because I was too damned proud. I was wrong, most of the time back in those first few months. And even though I don’t regret leaving all those years ago, I definitely should have taken your hurt feelings with more grace. I left you alone, with very little notice and… I’m sorry. Most of the things I’ve done over the past few years were in poor taste. I’m working hard to rectify it.”

She didn’t wait for a response, but merely left with a turn of her heel and light footsteps. Hiccup stood frozen, chewing over the words over and over before deciding that he was incapable of processing this by himself. He followed Astrid’s trail out of the Hall, but instead made a sharp left to go see someone who could make sense of all this.

\---

“What’s so confusing about that?” Eret tossed him a dubious look before reaching for another piece of fish jerky.

“Why would she apologize after being on good terms for nearly ten months? What could she possibly have to gain from this?”

Eret shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “Probably a clear conscience.”

Hiccup picked his gaze up from his jiggling leg and rolled his eyes. “Astrid could care less about how dirty her conscience is, as long as it won’t rust her axe.”

“She sounds like she has been trying to turn over a new leaf. Maybe you don’t know what the new her wants.”

“And you do?”

Eret hesitated a beat before shrugging. Hiccup’s heart sank. He knew that Eret and Astrid had become regular sparring buddies. This seemed reasonable to Hiccup, as neither Snotlout nor Tuffnut would pose enough of a challenge, and practicing with Hiccup when they were younger had led to other, more intimate activities.

But maybe he wasn’t aware how good of friends the two had become. Apparently they had found time in between their matchups to talk. And not just casual chit chat about the weather, but more in depth topics too.

Hiccup narrowed his eyes. “What do you know?”

“I know that Astrid has been working her ass off to become a pleasant part of this village again, and I know it’s not too much of a stretch to believe that might include apologizing to both her chief and ex boyfriend.”

“She doesn’t owe me anything,” Hiccup insisted.

“Exactly. She waited until you were over her betrayal and happy to have her back on the team. You were able to get over it yourself, so now was the time to pounce.”

Hiccup wrinkled his nose in confusion. “Why?”

“Because you wouldn’t push her. You wouldn’t demand details of it, taunt her or even apologize back. You’re over it, so you would just accept it and move on. She clears her conscience and doesn’t even really have to talk about it.”

“I should apologize too, right?” 

“Don’t do anything just for the sake of doing it. If you feel an apology is owed, then do it. Otherwise just leave her alone and let her do what she thinks needs to be done.” Eret stood then, heading to the door and opening it to a warm summer breeze.

“Now, please get out. It’s late and you have us setting out early on some diplomatic dragon rescue, and unlike you I enjoy my sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and the kudos! I’m trying to put out chapters faster now, I really don’t want to take a long break like last time!


	11. Medical Assistance

Hiccup paced warily in front of a dark hut, considering turning back before glancing back down to the blood trickling down his arm, off his fingertips and onto a steadily increasing flood on the ground. He sighed, knowing if the injury was in a different spot than he would be able to patch it up himself. After all his years training dragons he was forced to learn at least the most basic of medical skills, especially since some of these solo missions, like this one, occurred in the middle of the night. There were only so many whacks to the head from Gothi’s staff a person could take before they took matters into their own hands. 

He walked up the steps slowly, feeling light headed from blood loss. His knuckles hesitated before the door. It was taking everything in himself to convince his weary mind that he wasn’t using this as an excuse. If he could, he would bandage himself up. And he couldn’t go to a healer’s hut at this time, so this was his only option. Still, the reasoning fell flat, even in his blood loss induced mind. Nevertheless he rapped his knuckles harshly against the worn wood, hoping the knock was loud enough to wake the person inside. 

After a long moment Hiccup leaned against the door, braving himself to knock once more and praying he wouldn’t pass out, before hearing the thump of footsteps coming down the staircase. He sent a silent thank you to the Gods as Astrid opened the door, blond hair unbound and falling in loose waves fromthe tight braid it had been in earlier. A hand flew to her curls self consciously and Hiccup fought the urge to roll his eyes. He understood that to Vikings, the act of seeing a woman with her hair down was sacred. But Astrid was by no means a standard Viking lady and he bit his tongue in lieu of reminding her of this, knowing she would have no issue slamming the door in his face if he insulted her. 

“Hiccup?” She blinked against the moonlight that shone in behind him before settling on where his hand held his wounded arm weakly. She rolled her eyes and opened the door wider, motioning for him to enter. 

—-

“I'm not a healer, surely you know that.”

Hiccup was sat on Astrid’s bed, leaning against the wall. His feet were on the ground and his eyes were scrunched close as he mentally fought the nausea washing over him. During his last hangover, Eret had told him the secret to not vomiting when drunk was to keep your feet flat on the ground. Though Hiccup had his doubts behind the science of this, and also didn’t think this was the same scenario, he was willing to try anything at this moment if it meant keeping his dinner down. Wait, did he have dinner? 

“These stitches would be much better suited had they been done by a professional,” Astrid insisted. 

“You owe me.” 

She scoffed loudly. “Owe you for what?” 

He vaguely felt gauze wrapping around his arm. 

“I’m your leader.” Eyes still shut, he couldn’t see the smile that was surely gracing her face at that moment. 

“I feel like I’ve more than paid you back for that, Chief,” she argued playfully before removing her hands from his side. 

The bed shifted as she stood and walked to the opposite side of the room. Doing what, he wasn’t sure, as he was positive that opening his eyes would result in his stomach emptying onto her floor. Chiefly as he might be, he would never be able to look at Astrid again after that. 

“You lost too much blood, how am I supposed to get any sleep tonight when you’re clearly incapacitated on my bed?” 

She received a small shrug in return. 

“You’re being pretty nonchalant for someone who literally almost had his arm torn off by a wild dragon tonight.” 

A shrug wouldn’t have quite the same effect here, so he opted for silence. He heard the rustling of clothes as her body shifted and he knew she was crossing her arms disapprovingly. 

Hiccup listened to her footsteps as she exited the room, coming back a few moments later and shoving something cold and hard in his hands. 

“Just be sure that when you start vomiting, you make it into the bucket okay? I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

He didn’t respond as she trudged down the stairs, trying not to feel disappointed at the lack of warmth that was directed at him. 

They weren’t a couple, hadn’t been in years and she had made it clear she had no plan on changing that. Also, he had insisted to himself that he strictly came here for medical assistance only, not to be worried and babied over. Astrid had done exactly what he’d asked. Well, technically he hadn’t asked anything, because the light headed feeling had increased and the fuzziness in his ears made it hard to think, and then the nausea had hit and the little bit of concentration he had left was devoted to keeping his stomach calm. 

But she didn’t ask any questions, and besides the insistence that he visit an actual healer, she didn’t seem to mind that he came to her. He wouldn’t say that she liked it per say, but if she was wholly against it she would have put a stop to it ages ago. 

He fell asleep like that, sitting up and leaning heavily against the wall. He wasn’t sure what time he woke up to retch into the bucket, but he felt a cold hand land against his sweaty forehead when he was done, pushing him to lay down flat. 

“The clamminess, I can only assume since I’m not a healer, isn’t the best of signs. Not to mention based on your dry heaving that you don’t seem to have eaten dinner, and on top of that I believe you’re dehydrated.” She sighed and Hiccup peeled his heavy eyes open to stare into her blue ones. They looked worried and if he felt stronger, he probably would have reached up to touch her face. 

“I’m starting to think the dragon that bit you was venomous, I mean I know you lost quite a bit of blood but..” she sat back on her heels, contemplating her words. “You should be getting better by now. You’re clearly not. You didn’t have a fever a few hours  
ago but you’re burning up now.” 

“If it was a deadly venom it would have killed me by now. All we can do is wait it out.” He let out a shaky breath. 

“There’s a such thing as a slow acting venom, isn’t there? You know what? Screw it, I’m going to get Gothi.” She shuffled off the bed and was gone out of the room before Hiccup could even protest. 

He must have fallen back asleep, because it seemed like only minutes had passed before he was being roughly jerked awake by the small elder. He groaned, but complied when he was demanded to sit up. His head spun in protest and his arms shook violently as he pushed against them. He felt so weak and pitiful and he sighed inwardly when he noticed Astrid hadn’t left the area. Why would she though? This was her room, after all. 

Gothi studied him silently for a while, sometimes putting her hand against his chest, then moving to inspect his injury, and every now and then demanding that he breathed deeply. 

In the end, she had confirmed Hiccup’s earlier thought. He would just have to wait out until it cleared his system naturally. Gothi left, but not before giving a swift whack to the back of Hiccup’s head. He winced, gave her a muttered thanks and glared as she inched slowly down the stairs. He turned to Astrid. 

“You would think that she’d have a little more respect for her Chief.” 

Astrid’s answering punch to his uninjured arm was swift and strong. 

“You were bitten by a venomous dragon tonight, and instead of listening to my very good advice of going to someone who actually knows what they’re doing, you push your way up to my bedroom, get out my first aid kit and sit on the bed with that expectant look of yours!”

“What’s it matter if the dragon was venomous if I just have to wait for it to fade on its own?” He massaged his throbbing temples slowly. Why was Astrid picking this moment to scold him? Surely this talk would have the same effect in the morning. 

“That’s not the point, and you know it.” He watched as she came and sat on the edge of the bed, leaning slightly against his side. “You go out and recklessly risk your life trying to get too close to dragons that you know nothing about and hurt yourself. You came to me tonight and if it was a deadly poison— if I had come back up here later in the morning to check on you and you were…” she took a deep breath. “Well it wouldn’t look very good for me. The village would probably think that I killed you.”

“Is it really that hard for you to admit that you would be even the tiniest bit upset if I died?”

“I would be upset if you died in my house, for reasons I have already stated.” She pulled on a strand of her hair absentmindedly. 

Hiccup raised an accusing finger at her. “You’re doing the nervous hair pull thing. This conversation is making you uncomfortable.”

“You’re laying in my bed and I’ve yet to get a decent wink of sleep tonight, of course I’m uncomfortable.”

“I’m a bit too weak to move right now, but you can lay in your bed, Astrid. I promise the venom isn’t contagious.”

“That’s a stupid idea and you know it. I’ll just go back downstairs to the couch.” She moved to stand up but Hiccup reached out and grabbed her arm. He didn’t— couldn’t put into words what he was feeling, but tried to convey all the emotion he felt in the look he sent. 

Normally he was able to keep a respectable distance from Astrid and his feelings towards her. But tonight he was too sick to pretend like he didn’t want her by his side. Or maybe he was just using it as an excuse. Either way, he held his breath as she considered his expression. 

Astrid bristled at his side a moment before laying down closest to the wall, turning to face Hiccup. He followed her lead, choosing to stay on his back. 

“Only until you fall asleep, okay? This is a dumb idea and if you were in your right mind you’d realize it too.”

They lay in silence for a few moments after that, awkwardly trying to decide if this was fine or not, and if it was then should they be talking? Or should he just go right to sleep? Astrid’s body felt hot beside him and he found himself leaning as close to the edge of the bed as possible, attempting to give her the space she had practically been begging for the past few months, despite the fact he had just encouraged her to share a bed. 

“The last time we were like this…” she paused, clearly giving him a moment to reflect back on it. It didn’t take him long to remember the worst hangover ever and waking up to Astrid softly snoring just inches away from himself. 

“Did you ever remember what we talked about that night?” She whispered the last half and Hiccup was tempted to lean in and ask her to repeat herself just so he could hear her vulnerable tone one more time. 

He didn’t answer, simply because he was too lost in thought but Astrid seemed to have taken that as a no, which would have been accurate. He turned his body on his side as she began to speak again 

“I just— what you said back then about a nightmare reminding you that, you know.” She licked her lips. “I get it now. I didn’t at the time, because my own nightmare was in the process of unfolding.” She paused, eyes cast downward. 

“And that’s why we can’t get close like that right now. Because you needed me when I wasn’t there and I spent the entirety of the past four years telling myself that I never needed you. And when I was about to give in, to admit that maybe I was wrong…” her words sat heavy in the air and Hiccup mentally begged her to continue the sentence. 

“I don’t know if our timing will ever be right but,” she placed a hand on the side of his face and automatically his own reached out and landed on top. “I am here for you, as a supporter to the Chief. And I will be here for you from now on.”

His eyes searched hers and desperately wished he could remember that night and what he’d said. It was clearly about their relationship, and now Astrid was saying that she wasn’t going to leave… but why?

“I’m sorry that I ever dangled myself in front of you just to act cold and heartless the next moment. I’m not ready, not now and maybe not ever.” Her thumb softly stroked his stubble and he leaned into the touch. “But I can be here for you in the support role that you’ve needed.” 

She took in a shaking breath before continuing. “I’ll dig out the first aid kit at any time of night and I don’t care how much blood you get on my porch and I’ll read over all the stupid treaties with you, even after a painful council meeting is dismissed. I’d even like to be friends again— real friends but…” their foreheads were touching now and it might have been due to his fever induced high, but he could have sworn that he saw Astrid glancing at his lips. 

Her hands were in his hair now, softly rubbing through the strands with a tenderness that left his eyes fluttering shut. He wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck, gripping tightly but not moving. 

This was Astrid’s decision to make. If he pulled her in now, it wouldn’t be genuine on her part. She was waiting for it, practically begging him to and he was so tempted to give in. Her soft exhales seemed to have their own gravitational pull and he had to physically remind himself to not lean forward and catch her lips with his. But he refrained. Astrid had to make the leap when she was ready. 

He felt her arms tense and the hand caressing his cheek slowly moved down to his neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. She moved from his collarbone to his bicep, squeezing lightly, massaging in the spots directly above and below his dragon bite; the act sent shivers down his spine. She continued her slow dissent, coming to rest at his palm. She drew small circles around it before tapping each of his fingers separately. She repeated this process two more times, all the way up to the cheek and back down. Hiccup found himself fidgeting slightly more with each movement. 

Eventually, after grazing the tips of his fingers one last time, she slowly pulled away, flipping onto her back. Her sigh sounded too loud in the silent room. 

“If we’re going to be friends all this—“ she gestured her hands wildly into the air, “—needs to be acknowledged. This tension doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere so we have to deal with it responsibly. I can handle it if you think that you can. Deal?”

Hiccup wanted to reach out to her, to ask her for clarification. He couldn’t remember what he’d said that drunken night, and probably never would at this point. But it had been a transformative moment for her. Nearly a year later and the words had still stuck with her. 

He wanted a friendship with her, almost as much as he wanted to be with her. Any type of relationship with Astrid was better than what they had now. But moments like the ones they just had… would he be able to pull away in the same way she did? 

“Okay. Deal.” He couldn’t meet her eyes, but in his peripherals she gave a satisfied nod. 

“Can you go to sleep then? I’m exhausted and you literally have some foreign poison running through your veins so I can’t imagine you’re much better off.”

The conversation felt far from over in his mind. They had just agreed on a friendship; it seemed a little excessive. In fact, the only thing that was keeping him from claiming it was completely excessive was that they hadn’t shook hands on it. Why did it all have to be so complicated? 

But on the other hand, he felt relief. He wouldn’t have to tip toe or make excuses to talk to Astrid. He could just approach her because that’s what friends did. It was freeing and he couldn’t help but feel the last piece of bitterness towards her break loose and escape out of the open window. Between the apologies and the closure she was attempting to give him, he couldn’t help but think that she’d never had to work so hard at something. 

So he closed his eyes and pocketed his questions for another day. There would be plenty of time, and after all he’d put her through tonight, he could fulfill this one request. 

—-

Hiccup jerked awake when a loud bang echoed through the room. He flinched against the pounding in his head and the bright light that was streaming in. His head throbbed in protest of the quick movement. Not too far away her heard a muffled curse. 

He looked up to find Astrid, holding her elbow and biting her lip. She wasn’t in her normal outfit, but instead was wearing what appeared to be training clothes. Her shirt was drenched in sweat and her long braid was plastered to the back of her neck. She gave him an apologetic look before stumbling towards her closet. 

“I had come up here for a change of clothes before I wash all this grime off me, but I tripped up the last stair and banged my already sore arm against the door frame.”

Hiccup was trying to take in all of her words, really he was. But she was talking so fast and his mind felt as if it was moving through honey. He heard the combination: ‘change of clothes’, ‘tripped up’ and ‘sore arm’. He decided to focus on the last part. 

“How’d you hurt your elbow?”

Astrid groaned. “Eret really held no punches this morning. Literally. He hit me so hard that I fell backwards and my elbow landed against a tree root.”

“Gods Astrid, should you guys really be training so aggressively?”

A wicked grin spread across her face. “Don’t worry, I got him back.” She turned to her closet. 

“Anyways I was just stopping by, I didn’t mean to wake you. How are you uh, feeling?” 

The sentiment, however forced it sounded, was there and it made Hiccup smile. Astrid wasn’t one to talk about feelings, at least not before last night. 

“A Chief endures. As much as I’d love to lay in bed for a few more hours, my people await me.”

“You, wanting to relax? You must seriously be ill.”

“Haha.” He gave her a hard look. “I can enjoy some downtime, you know.” 

“How the mighty have fallen! Next you’ll tell me that you get a full eight hours of sleep every night.” 

“I am known as the most well rested Chief this side of the archipelago.” 

Astrid’s laugh filled the room and suddenly the daylight seemed less intrusive and more welcoming. He could hardly believe how easily they fell back into friendly banter, unlike the words that were exchanged when she first arrived back. 

“Anyways, I’m gonna go. Stormfly has been begging me for a decent flight and afterwards we have that council meeting so I really need to—” She gestured to the window, namely to the sun that was higher in the sky than when he normally awoke, “—get my day started.” 

Hiccup nodded. “I’ll be out of here right behind you.” 

“Take your time, I’ll see you at lunch?”

He tried to wipe the shocked look off his face. “Oh, uh, yeah of course. See you then.”

It wasn’t that he and Astrid never had lunch at the same time and table, it was more the fact that they never had lunch with each other. They were both there because of their friend group, but if for some reason the team was gone, he knew she would have done everything to avoid him. 

But they were friends now, actual friends, who could joke together and eat lunch in each other’s company without it having to be written off as coincidence. 

Things would be different now. His mood lightened at the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone else ever heard of the feet on the ground when you’re drunk trick? Tbh I think if you’re drunk enough to throw up, it’s gonna happen no matter what but it does seem like when I’m that intoxicated the nauseas does start as soon as I lay down, so idk. 
> 
> Also! If you don’t remember what Astrid is talking about when she refers to the nightmare, she is referring to when Hiccup said something along the lines of “it only took one nightmare to remind me that I wasn’t over you” it’s not a direct quote, but you get the gist


	12. Drink drank drunk

In another situation, he would have done anything and everything to avoid the spot he and his team were in right now. They had a specific island located between the Berserker’s home and Berk for a reason. It was the perfect way to wind down after coming face to face with Dagur for something that would no doubt drain them all emotionally. They could eat dinner, make jokes at the expense of people who would never know better, and then at the end of the day they would be able to get a few decent hours of rest under the light of the stars before heading back to Berk and resuming their normal schedule. 

But today, luck wasn’t on their side. Hiccup wasn’t sure how things had happened so quickly, but somehow he found himself sat in between Dagur and his sister, Heather. Astrid was glaring at him from the other side of the Berserker leader, who was at risk of losing the arm that was swung nonchalantly over the back of her chair.

“Dinner should be served soon,” Dagur informed the group, apparently clueless to the awkward environment that suffocated everyone else. 

He could have said no, had Dagur asked for any other reason. But he had seen an opening and attacked. So Hiccup had no choice. His team would eat dinner and spend the night on this island. 

He had begged Astrid to stay home this time around, so really this was her own karma coming back to bite her. 

—-

“I’m bringing the signed treaty agreement back to Dagur,” Hiccup said, annoyance seeping into his tone. “And since you denied his marriage proposal—”

“I’m sorry, did you want me to accept that?”

He ignored her interruption. “—then it’s probably best that you’re not staring him in the face when I tell him.” 

Astrid continued to load her supplies onto Stormfly anyways. 

“Don’t you think I should be the one to tell him about the rejection?”

“Do you really think a treaty signing is the best place to flaunt your ego?” He grabbed onto her wrist so that he could look her in the eye. She hadn’t been here, but he had done his best to inform her that Dagur had all the power in this peace formation. He could so easily turn his back on them and resort to the vulgar torture methods he had already inflicted on the gang. He held no qualms of sinking to levels Hiccup found unfathomable. 

“It’s not about my ego, Hiccup.” She turned her body to face him completely. He tried to ignore the thoughts floating through his head, reminding him that a year ago a sentence like the one he just spoke would be enough to cause a complete blow-out fight between the two. But here she was now, cool and collected and ready to provide a rationale. 

“I’m listening.”

“You’re my ex-boyfriend. Don’t say anything, I’m not finished!” She slapped her palm over Hiccup’s mouth when he attempted to interrupt her. “You’re my ex-boyfriend and you’re going to go to Dagur the Deranged and inform him that I will not be accepting his proposal? And then what? What will he think?”

Hiccup sputtered. “It doesn’t matter what he thinks because it’s not true.”

“But he doesn’t know that. So he needs to be there to see it. I can be nice to him, and I will reject him in a manner that does the least damage to his ego.” 

So she had came along, despite Hiccup’s worries and insistence that he could handle it. And here they sat now, fuming at each other and unable to do a damn thing about it. 

Astrid’s rejection was so delicate that Dagur did not take it as a refusal to marry him at all. In fact, he took it as an opportunity to court her. He told her that she was right, they really should date and get to know each other before anything was officially drawn up in a document. 

Any refusal on Astrid’s part from there on had been notably ignored on Dagur’s part. He wasn’t stupid, Hiccup realized. His best disguise was pretending to be an idiot. How had it worked on him for all these years?

“Dagur does have the amazing ability to leave people speechless with his words,” his sister Heather noted, leaning into whisper to Hiccup. “I have the same ability, though it usually comes from my skills in the bedroom.”

Hiccup just managed to cover up the horrified look on his face. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that Dagur was watching them carefully. 

This was all constructed and directly planned of course. He had to be sure to not look at Astrid and he had to decide quickly how to respond. 

If he rejected Heather, then Dagur would assume he and Astrid had picked up their romantic relationship. Which wasn’t true, but even he couldn’t deny that their chemistry still flowed freely. They had done their best to ignore each other today, but that might have just raised suspicions even more. Dagur knew of his and Astrid’s volatile relations after she returned from the Southern Islands. He has probably been watching them slowly ease out of that and into something else, which he had yet to positively identify. 

More than anything he wished he could send Astrid a glare that let her know this was all her fault. It was futile though, because she knew she was blaming him for the same exact reasons. So he just had to suck it up and act quickly. 

“Tonight would be a great night to participate in some less than chiefly acts.” He turned at the sound of Astrid’s voice and his eyes landed on the cup that was held out towards him. She raised her eyebrows slightly and he took the mug with a muttered thanks. 

It was mead, he noticed by the sickly sweet smell that still, over a year later caused his stomach to quench up uneasily. 

He didn’t have to drink the mead, he realized. Astrid was sending him a message. Do what you have to do, don’t worry about me. He turned back to Heather. 

“I’d love to learn more about that.” The smile that slipped onto his face was slight, but noticeable. 

It was like a switch was flipped. He was less than proud of how easily the facade was put on, but he did what he had to do. 

It wasn’t the first time that he would have to give into seduction techniques and become a charming man for the sake of peace. In fact he was put into this position often enough to have a technique. If there was anything interactions like this taught him, it was that he would do anything for his villagers. 

“I love how we are all getting along! Astrid, isn’t this marvelous, perhaps I could show you all this village has to offer while your Chief is preoccupied.” 

Hiccup tensed at his words. Astrid however, simply smiled kindly and answered in a sweet tone that Hiccup had never heard before. 

“Oh Dagur, that sounds lovely but I’m afraid I must retire to my chambers after this. Besides, a lady really shouldn’t be seen with a man after dark, lest her reputation be soiled.” 

Honestly, the way Astrid managed to both reject Dagur and insult Heather in one sentence left Hiccup with his mouth hanging open. When she said she would be there as a support role for the Chief, he really hadn’t thought she’d go this far for him. 

Unfortunately Heather didn’t seem bothered. He could tell by the way she was glancing at him through her eyelashes that the offer still stood. He glanced down at his mead for a moment before downing it completely. 

There was only one way out of this, he realized. He had to get absolutely shit faced. So drunk that he wouldn’t remember anything that happened after this dinner. So far gone that his uh, manhood wouldn’t function. 

It wasn’t something he had personally ever experienced, due to the fact he hardly drank, but being chief didn’t stop him from hearing all the village’s gossip. He had heard all the stories of drunk men attempting to seduce woman, only for the ladies to leave disappointed when they were unable to perform. That was his only hope. 

In the past, he had done the deed that was necessary. Like he said, he would do anything he needed to keep peace and protect his villagers. But tonight, the act was unthinkable. 

First, it was Dagur’s sister, which meant she had been there during all the various torture they had been through before the original peace treaty. Looking at her only brought unease and having sex with her would no doubt fuck him up even worse than he already was. 

Besides that, in the past he had deeply craved the physical connection that came with giving into these seduction techniques. Men, women, it really didn’t matter. He was lonely deep to the core and it gave him an excuse to connect with someone else. 

He glanced as Astrid, who was now deep in conversation with Ruffnut and Eret. 

He just didn’t have that urge anymore, and justifying it for the villagers seemed like a poor excuse at this moment in time. So he took the fourth mug of mead that was placed in front of him and downed it, trying not to focus on the taste. 

—-

When Hiccup woke up, he didn’t need to look around to know he wasn’t alone. He could feel the warmth of a body on the bed next to him. He wanted more than anything to open his eyes and see who it was, but the pounding behind his eyes prevented him from doing so. 

He saw it in his head, Heather, asleep on her side, black hair fanned out on the pillow and clothes strewn on the floor. The thought made his stomach turn more than the hangover. 

Something cold landed on his forehead.

“That’s about all I can do to ease the headache, but it’s better than nothing.”

His eyes popped open despite the protests of his body. 

“Astrid?”

He saw her, sitting in the bed next to him, silhouetted by a candle lit in the corner. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but he could see the beginnings of daylight spreading across the land through the open window. 

“Glad to see you aren’t dead. I respect what you were doing but Gods, I don’t think you had to drink that much.”

He groaned before flipping onto his back. “I had to make sure there was no chance. Did it work?”

“Uh, yeah it worked. You were sloppy drunk by the end of dinner, but Heather persisted you follow her to her room. That was when Eret suggested that we all have a few drinks together, in order to celebrate the re-signing of the treaty. You jumped on that right away, and within thirty minutes you were passed out on the table and Heather had given up.”

Hiccup nodded thoughtfully, absolutely clueless about any of these events. “How did I get up here then?”

“Eret carried you. He left you with your head positioned to the side in case you vomited in your sleep, but that was only because he had to save face and run downstairs to make sure your stunt hadn’t caused any issues.”

“And?”

“Dagur thought it was the most amazing thing that you felt comfortable enough on his home island to get so wasted. He took it as a sign of good fortune and merely shrugged an apology at Heather, who didn’t seem too disappointed.”

“Well if Dagur put her up to it like I suspect then she was probably relieved with my state.” He sat up slowly, ice pack falling to the bed. He knew that laying there was only prolonging the inevitable. “Are you gonna hold my hair while I throw up?”

Astrid scoffed and put the book that she had been reading down. “What do you think I’ve been doing all night? I doubt you have anything left in your system.” 

“Please don’t ever let me drink again, unless I absolutely have to.” He massaged his temples slowly while Astrid watched him worriedly. 

“That’s not what I meant when I handed you that cup, you know? I was telling you to go for it, to do what you needed to do, what you maybe wanted to do.” Her fingers twisted in her loose hair. 

Hiccup’s eyes shot up to meet hers. “Look, if I wanted to, I would have. And if I couldn’t think of a better solution than I would have done it then, too. I know what you meant, I could see it in the look you gave me. And I appreciate it because it means you understand and things are complicated between us right now but…” the words were all jumbled in his head and if he didn’t stop he would end up saying something stupid. As well as their friendship was progressing it was still just in the beginning stages, and it was too fragile for accidental confessions. 

“I’m glad you’re not marrying Dagur.” Well, hopefully that statement wouldn’t make things too awkward. He cringed inwardly. 

But Astrid just laughed. She laughed so hard that she doubled over, hands wrapped around her stomach and head thrown forward. The sound seemed to alleviate some of the pressure in Hiccup’s head and he gave her a soft smile back before climbing out of bed. 

“Come on, let’s get the dragons ready. The sooner we can get out of here, the better.”

—-

“My love, are you sure you don’t want to stay a bit longer? I’d love to show you all I have to offer as a future husband.” Dagur reached out and touched Astrid’s arm, seemingly unaware of her discomfort in the action. 

“Thank you kindly for the hospitality you’ve shown me, but I must head home.” She paused before reaching out and caressing his cheek. “You will find a suitable woman out there, Dagur. I would not do well as a Chief’s wife.” Then, without further explanation, she mounted Stormfly and took to the skies. 

“Brother.” Hiccup extended his arm, hoping to leave without any further complications. 

Dagur turned towards him. “Is that why you two never got back together then?”

Hiccup withdrew his hand. “Uh, no actually. We're just not compatible in that way, you know.” 

Dagur seemed lost in thought, but nodded after a moment. “Brother.”

After formalities were finished, the rest of the riders took to the air, all breathing a collective sigh of relief. 

“That was a close one, I really thought we were gonna break out into war right there at the dinner table.” Ruff threw herself back to lay on her dragon dramatically, her pregnant belly the only thing visible from Hiccup’s viewpoint. 

Eret nodded morosely. “Luckily Astrid was there to save all our necks. What did we do before we had her?” 

Hiccup, who was currently fighting the urge to retch off the side of Toothless, perked up at that. 

“What do you mean she saved our necks?”

“Dagur was admittedly suspicious of your drunken act. You’ve always been so stiff and formal with him and then that? Well Astrid informed him of your um, secret drinking dependency.” Eret stifled a smirk. 

“Oh no.” 

“Oh yes, she let Dagur know of your inability to relax without the assistance of mead, and how you desperately try to hide it from your people. She convinced him it was a great honor for you to so visibly let go in his presence.” Snotlout barked out a laugh behind him and Hiccup turned and shot him a death glare. 

“So now Dagur thinks I’m an alcoholic? That’s just great,” Hiccup groaned. 

“He actually quite admires you for it. Most middle aged men have some sort of reliance on alcohol, so he thinks it makes you mature.” Eret shook his head. “It’s convoluted and twisted, but somehow Astrid knew his mind would work that way and she acted on it.” 

“Impressed?” Astrid popped out from beneath them, looking smug. 

“I have to say, it’s not something I would have thought of. Not bad, Hofferson.” Eret tipped his invisible hat at her. 

“You know I practically poisoned myself last night in order to prevent a war and I would feel better if someone would acknowledge that.” Hiccup hung his head in defeat. He was exhausted, dehydrated and hungover on the back of a dragon and he needed a confidence booster in order to make it home. 

“It would have been less work to just sleep with her,” Snotlout pointes out. 

Ruffnut glared at him from her reclined position. “Do you realize what kind of trap that could have been in itself? Sleeping with Dagur’s sister would only open up a whole other door of danger.” 

Hiccup honestly hadn’t thought about that, and he admonished himself inwardly. His reasons to stay celibate last night had been solely selfish. How had he not thought about that?

“Either way, there’s no denying that you and Astrid make one hell of a team. Just a few glances last night and you were able to formulate a plan to minimize any issues. Quite impressive.” Eret nodded in approval. 

“If you’re trying to flatter me, thanks. But I still plan on kicking your ass in combat training when we get back.” 

Eret rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “A man can try. All right then, it’s on!”

“Race you home?” 

“You’re on!”

Hiccup watched in awe as the two took off, amazed at the exchange. It seemed as if Astrid’s walls had come down, even with him around. She seemed so much lighter now, like their strained relationship had been weighing her down more than Hiccup ever would have guessed.

She had called Berk home. Obviously, it was her home and she had told Hiccup she wasn’t leaving, but hearing her sound so excited to get back to their island really hammered the point into his brain. 

She wasn’t going anywhere. She was going to have his back no matter what, even when he did something as crazy as drink himself stupid just so he could avoid a political uprising. 

It wasn’t like their relationship before. Astrid wasn’t punching first and asking questions later. She was contemplative, strategizing the best move that would allow the least amount of damage. More than that, she had followed his plan even though it wasn’t what she initially had in mind. 

Things were different and Hiccup couldn’t help but notice that they were better.


	13. Wedding Encounters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I ask is that you guys get through this entire chapter before commenting.. this is much longer than normal and I’m very happy with how it turned out, so read on!

Astrid

Dirt flew into her eyes as she hit the ground for what was probably the tenth time that morning. She gritted her teeth and rolled to the side before Eret’s boot could come in contact with her face. 

“You’re sloppy this morning, aren’t you?” 

She didn’t answer, instead moving to hit him in the ribs. He dodged that blow, but fell right into the punch she threw at his face. He staggered backwards a few steps and it was just the distraction she needed to run up and kick him in the chest. He hit the ground with an oof and stayed immobile for a moment. A grin lit up his face as he pushed off from the ground and began bouncing on his toes. 

“Sloppy and angry. I like that combination.”

She rolled her eyes and waited for his move. Yes, she was angry this morning, though she didn’t really want to talk about it during hand to hand practice. She didn’t want to even think about the ever mounting marriage proposals coming from both inside and outside of the village, none of which she planned on accepting. 

“If you don’t marry soon, this will become a problem,” Gobber had told her as she signed another refusal letter. 

“I’m not marrying for political reasons and no one here has really caught my eye,” she replied, purposely avoiding Hiccup’s burning stare. 

“I understand lassie, but the more you pushback, the harder it’s going to be for us to explain to our comrade islands why Hiccup isn’t insisting on this, for the good of the village.”

Astrid bared her teeth. “I am not a bargain chip for Berk.” She had then stormed out of the room to the night sky, fuming and cursing until she reached her home. 

That had been yesterday, and she had awoken before dawn this morning feeling no less infuriated. She thought training with Eret would ease her emotions a bit, but the truth was it seemed to just be egging her on. The angrier she got, the harder she hit. And the harder she hit the more clumsy her moves became. 

Eventually, after she felt herself growing tired she knocked Eret to the dirt and sat atop him, pinning him for good. When he attempted to reach up and counter the attack, she grabbed his fists and held them above his head, bringing her face just within a few inches of his. A taunt played at the edge of her lips but it fell away as soon as she noticed his expression. The atmosphere changed instantly, becoming charged and heavy with tension. 

His careless demeanor had dissipated and his mouth was slightly open, as if he was considering asking a question but couldn’t get it out. She noticed he was staring at her lips. 

She pulled back, stumbling and climbing to her feet unsteadily. Eret stayed flat on the ground a moment longer before sitting up on his elbows, red staining his cheeks. 

“Nothing like a morning workout to get the blood flowing.” He flinched right away, seeming to regret his choice of words. Astrid took a step backwards, to the village, to civilians and hopefully somewhere things would start making sense again. 

“I have to go.” She jutted her thumb over her shoulder. “Ruffnut wants me to try on my bridesmaid dress one last time before the wedding tomorrow.” 

Eret nodded enthusiastically. “Right, the wedding details must be worked out and as maid of honor you have to… be there right now.”

“Yeah, uh we shouldn’t spar tomorrow because of the ceremony… but I’ll see you tonight at the dinner?”

“And tomorrow at the wedding.” Eret was still sitting and Astrid took the opportunity to leave. Normally they would walk back together but after that— whatever that was— she was happy for the time alone. 

Her thoughts wandered to Hiccup and she steered them away. Anything but that, she thought internally. Please, please for one day let me not think about him like that. 

It wasn’t that she hadn’t taken lovers since her break up with Kai. Hiccup had rejected her and they travelled a lot. She was young and beautiful and fierce and it attracted her a lot of attention, if the marriage proposals were anything to go by. 

She really wasn’t comfortable with sleeping with anyone in the village. She could admit, to herself only, that it was because she didn’t want Hiccup to hear about it and have to see the person. It was irrational and not something she should worry about, but part of her found comfort in him never putting faces to the people she had sex with. 

Then a few weeks ago Hiccup had gone and hurt himself and she’d done this weird confession when he was in his loopy state and they weren’t together but they were more than they had been since she returned. 

More what, though? That was the question she had been racking her brain for since then. They weren’t together, but they had a mutual understanding of very strong attraction and feelings to each other that, at this time, were best left unexplored. 

So really, she had no moral reason to feel bad about the incident with Eret. Except that he was one of Hiccup’s best friends and was in his very tiny circle of trusted humans. 

She had broken Hiccup’s trust before and she was trying desperately to make up for it, not for his sake but for hers. She wanted to be apart of his team, an important member of Berk that was striving to make it a safe and happy place to live. Hiccup had a vision and she supported it wholeheartedly. 

So letting the scenario with Eret go any further than it had, well it wasn’t an option. Maybe she was being arrogant, maybe Hiccup wouldn’t care. But honestly it wasn’t a risk she was willing to take because she could so easily be cast out, become just a normal villager as opposed to someone who was making a difference. Was a fling with Eret worth losing all that?

She wasn’t blind, of course she was aware how attractive Eret was, and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t gotten distracted by his flexing muscles during their sparring sessions, more than once. Gawking was one thing, but earlier… she was imagining what could have happened if she just leaned in a littler further and—

She stopped walking and physically shook herself. 

Get it together, Astrid. That is so not a road you want to go down right now. There’s a political wedding tomorrow, which meant there would be plenty of off island people coming in tonight. She could find someone— a man, a woman, maybe both?— to burn off some sexual energy. She clearly had too much stored up. 

Before she could begin moving once more, a blur of black landed beside her. She watched with a straight back as Hiccup dismounted and turned to look at her anxiously. 

“I didn’t get a chance to talk to you last night, but I just want you to know that I would never expect you to marry for the sake of the village, Astrid.”

The seriousness of his voice caught her off guard. She had momentarily forgotten about the craziness of yesterday. He seemed uneasy with her silence and shifted in place, his prosthetic squeaking under his weight. 

“Thank you, Hiccup. I hope you know if it really came down to it, I would do anything for my village.” Her tone was too stiff and she could tell he noticed, she was just praying he wouldn’t say anything. 

“Are you okay?”

She cursed inwardly. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t told him you wanted to be friends, she reminded herself. Hiccup knows you too well, you really can’t hide anything from him. 

“Ruffnut is being a real bridezilla. I was just on my way to see her.” She took a step forward and pleaded with the Gods Hiccup wouldn’t follow. 

“I was actually just heading there as well, I have a few questions about the ceremony I want to run by her.”

Clearly luck wasn’t on her side today. 

“Great! Looks like we’ll head there together then.” She shut her eyes tightly and urged her mouth to stop moving on its own accord if the words coming out of it were going to sound so forced. 

This time though, Hiccup chose to stay silent. 

—

Astrid had been sitting silently in Ruffnut’s living room for over an hour before Hiccup finished and departed. The moment the door shut Ruff turned sharply towards her, swollen belly practically smacking Astrid in the face. 

“What is going on between you two? Was it not barely a month ago that you two agreed to be friends?” She waddled along the table and plopped down into a chair, laying an expectant stare on her best friend. 

Astrid’s head fell into her hands. “I know. Someone should have told me that was a stupid idea.” She glared across the table. 

“Hey, don’t blame this on me. I just want you two together already.”

“I think Eret tried to kiss me today.”

Ruffnut sat up quickly, eyes popping out of her head. “Are you trying to make me go into labor early?”

“Well it’s not so much he tried to kiss me as…” she considered her words carefully. “We were sparring and then I accidentally put myself in a compromising position and then my face was really close to his and I caught him staring at my lips.”

Ruffnut stared with her mouth wide open for several moments before responding. “And you didn’t kiss him?”

“What! Of course not! That would just be—” 

“Sexy? Hot? Amazing?”

“I’m sorry, who are you marrying tomorrow?”

Ruffnut rolled her eyes. “Don’t make this about Snotlout. You know I love him, but when we first met Eret…” she bit her lip and stared into the distance dreamily. 

“Ew! Did you and Eret ever..?”

“No, I came on a little too strongly and then me and Snot got together not long after. But Astrid, if he was interested I wouldn’t have hesitated. So why did you?”

Astrid sighed, leaning back in her chair and playing with then ends of her braid. “Eret’s attractive sure, and we get on well enough. But I’m not trying to be anymore taboo in this village than I already am by being the chief’s ex girlfriend.”

Ruffnut nodded in understanding. “You don’t want to upset Hiccup.”

“It could cause problems between Eret and Hiccup, too. They’re good friends and I would hate to come between that.”

“Okay but consider this,” Ruff leaned forward on the table, leaning forward as if she had a secret to tell. “Eret just wants to fuck. Now what?”

“It’s still a no! I think on some spiritual level that’s actually worse.” 

“Worse than you two falling in love, marrying and having four children right in front of Hiccup’s eyes?”

Astrid shrugged. “I just think if one is off limits then they both should be. If there is a possibility of a relationship with Eret, but I’m refusing to explore it because of Hiccup I don’t see how sex is any different.”

“Because it’s just a one time thing.”

“Not if he’s any good.” 

It was silent for a moment before Ruffnut broke into a fit of giggles, throwing her head back gleefully. 

“Alright you make a good point. Now come on, we have to get ready for the feast tonight.”

—

Since it was summertime and Berkians enjoyed warm weather almost as much as their dragon companions, the feast was set up right outside of the Great Hall. The sun was just beginning to set when the drunkest of the bunch began dancing and playing music loudly. Astrid watched fondly as pinks and oranges cast over the land, mead in her hand. It was the perfect night for such a celebration and the free flowing alcohol had her happily drunk. She jumped slightly when Eret came and sat across from her. 

“Who would have thought Snot and Ruff would be the first of the bunch to settle down.”

Astrid rolled her eyes and smiled, too buzzed to be uncomfortable. “I don’t think anyone is surprised Ruff is the first one to become pregnant.”

It sounded like a hit against Ruff’s intelligence, but it wasn’t. Ruff was one of the smartest of the gang, she just didn’t go around broadcasting it like Hiccup or Fishlegs. No, this statement had more to do with Ruff’s libido and the odd places the gang had found her and Snotlout in. 

“Moon tea can only prevent so much.”

Astrid nodded. “Ruff is going to make a great mother, though. I was with her when she found out. She was so happy and I just knew that it was always meant to be for her.”

Eret raised his eyebrows. “You don’t want kids.” It was a statement, not a question. 

“I don’t see kids in my immediate future, no.” She swung her legs over the bench until she was facing him directly. 

“You know when I was younger and Hiccup and I were way more serious than we needed to be, kids were an inevitability. And the way people were talking, they were going to happen much sooner than I would have ever planned.” 

“So having the option now, you don’t want them?”

Astrid shrugged before taking a sip from her mug. “I want the option.”

“I don’t want kids.”

“That’s surprising.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You seem like you’d be great with kids.”

Eret nodded in agreement. “Which is exactly why I’ll be the best uncle to all your children. I’ll play with them, take them on dragon rides and show them the best way to get on their parents nerves. Then at the end of the day I’ll send them home.” 

Astrid let out a laugh before turning to look back at the dancers who were now being joined by the future bride and groom themselves. Snotlout was leaning heavily on Ruff and she couldn’t imagine how drunk he’d let himself get. 

“I think we’d be good together.”

Astrid snapped her head around so fast that the world tilted. She caught herself on the edge of the table before she could fall and prayed Eret wouldn’t be staring at her. She looked up to meet his nervous glance. 

“Are you trying to get the edge on me here?”

Eret crinkled his brow. “What do you mean?”

Astrid stood and slammed her hands on the table. “I’m drunk. You thought you could come over here and try and get me into bed because my thought process is inhibited.” She turned to walk away and sighed loudly when Eret followed. 

“Astrid, I’m drunk too. I never had any intention of coercing you into anything I just— you were there and we were talking about something so serious and it was so lighthearted and I could feel it.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her to a halt. “I could feel that we would be good together.”

The wind was blowing the loose tendrils of her hair in her face and the setting sun was glaring into her eyes harshly. She was irritated by this, but the center of her annoyance was Eret. 

“You can’t just say stuff like that. Yesterday we were friends and today you’re like—” she crossed her arms “—declaring your love for me or whatever. And you know this can’t happen. Even if I did feel the same way we could never be together.”

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

A blush ran up from his neck to his cheeks. “Feel the same way.”

She paused while she collected her thoughts. The answer was on the tip of her tongue, but she wasn’t sure he could handle it. In the end though, she was too drunk to care. 

“It’s always been Hiccup. Even when it was Kai— and I did love Kai.” She took a deep breath. “I loved him a lot but I loved Hiccup more. It would be the same with you.” She turned to walk away. To go get a drink or find Stormfly or maybe just go home. All she knew was that the open air had never felt so stifling and she needed to leave the hillside she and Eret had climbed up. 

“Astrid.” 

She stopped walking and turned to face him head on. Whatever he wanted to say, it was important. 

“What if I was okay with that?”

Astrid tilted her head in confusion. “Okay with what?”

He hesitated, mouth open and no words coming out for a moment. “Being second choice.”

Astrid’s chest twisted in a way that made her feel nauseous. “Then I hope you find someone that will never, ever hurt you the way I know I would.” 

Then she stumbled away, unsure if she was more upset over rejecting Eret or losing the one friend who understood what it was to be an outsider. 

—

It had been dark for hours the next time Astrid saw another person. She had staggered down to the Great Hall, grabbed a large cup of mead and made her way towards the center of town, which was deserted at the time. 

People were slowly starting to make their way back home, the laughter and happiness filling the heavy air around Astrid did nothing to improve her mood. If anything she wanted to gripe about all the noise they were making, like a bitter elder yelling at children. 

She was mad, at both herself and Eret. She was mad at herself because Eret would be good for her, especially if tonight was anything to go by. But she couldn’t love him. He was attractive, and she could maybe find herself romantically interested in him down the road, but love? No, it didn’t seem possible. She could give it a shot; see where things go like he was implying, but then what? What if her thoughts are right and she still loves Hiccup? Does she just stay with Eret because he’s good for her?

It wasn’t fair, to her or Eret. Especially since Eret’s self esteem was apparently so low that he would be okay with Astrid not loving him most. What does that even mean? Eret was a smart man, so why was he being such a dumbass? 

Hiccup plopped down next to her suddenly, holding a bottle in her line of sight. She thought for a moment before pushing it away. If the blurry vision was anything to go by she had enough. 

Hiccup laughed. “It’s water. You’re wasted.”

Astrid grunted in return. 

He shoved the bottle into her lap. “Are you okay?”

Astrid was too drunk to hold back. “Men are so stupid. Why can’t they keep their love confessions to themselves when I’ve never shown the least bit of interest in them?” Her words were heavily slurred but Hiccup didn’t seem to mind. 

“Don’t worry about it, Astrid. The marriage proposals will stop coming in eventually, once word gets out that you always say no.”

They weren’t talking about the same thing. She glanced over at the man that ran her village. He was staring up at the stars, face illuminated by the firelight. He looked at peace. Maybe not happy, but relaxed in a way she hadn’t seen before. She couldn’t be the one to break that. 

“What if it only encourages them? What if they take no as a challenge?”

“Like a game of who can tame the wild shield maiden?”

Her head snapped up. “Yes! That’s exactly it!” She stumbled onto her knees, leaning heavily on Hiccup’s shoulder. “It’s like they can’t take my no for an answer so they say the dumbest shit to try and make me change my mind.”

Hiccup nodded. “The one that came in yesterday offered you the opportunity to pick his mistress.”

“A real gentleman; they say chivalry is dead.”

Hiccup leaned in closer, his suddenly low voice dragging Astrid forward herself. “You’re handling this so well. I know it isn’t easy.”

“So you think I should just let it continue?”

“Let the random men pine after you. Who gives a shit about them?”

Astrid hesitated. She shouldn’t be dragging him into this web of confusion. But at the same time, no one understood her like Hiccup. He could probably help shed some light. “And if they aren’t random?”

“What?”

“What if the men pining aren’t random?”

He paused. “Then do what you feel is right.” He stood and reached his hand out. “Let’s get you home.”

She reached for it and stumbled up and into his shoulder harshly. He didn’t flinch though, not in the way he used to avoid her touch, presence and opinion. Things were different. Instead he threw his arm around her waist and guided her through the mostly dark homes until they reached her front door. When he turned away, she grabbed at the hem of his sleeve. He turned his head with sad eyes. 

“I’ll talk to you when you’re sober, Astrid.” And then he was gone. 

—

Hiccup

Someone was pursuing Astrid. 

Not just someone from a random village on the edge of the archipelago. Someone he knew. It was a terrifying realization. 

As he awoke that morning to make sure all preparations for the ceremony were off to a start, it was all he could think about. Astrid dating someone in the village. Astrid falling in love with someone in the village. 

Astrid marrying someone in the village. 

He tried to imagine being in charge of that ceremony of matrimony but the thought made him feel ill. Before with Kai, at least he thought he hated Astrid. Now he knew the truth, that he loved her just as much as he had before. Maybe even more, if he was being honest with himself. 

The worst part was knowing Astrid cared about him too. It was like they were walking in a spiral circle. They had started out on opposite sides but with each step taken they ended up closer and closer until they would eventually stand in the center together. And Hiccup knew when that happened, all bets were off. 

Astrid wasn’t ready, he knew that. Which is why he had pulled away last night. She had told him that they needed to properly deal with their sexual tension if they wanted to build their relationship, but his resolve was weak after seeing her with the firelight illuminating her features. He could barely look at her before turning away. This was important though. If they rushed into things then it could end just as badly as it had the first time.

In his head, it was him and Astrid. Maybe not now, maybe not soon, but someday he would marry her. Now, hearing what she’d said last night that dream was crumbling. Astrid had every right to choose to date other people, until she was ready or even until she married them. The truth was Hiccup just hadn’t considered it because he was so wrapped up in building a relationship with her. 

Whatever decision she made it was her right. Hiccup would respect and support her. 

—

The ceremony went off without a hitch, which would normally be nothing out of the ordinary, but this was Snotlout’s wedding. Anything could have gone wrong and Hiccup made sure to have Toothless and the rest of the riders on watch for anything that might seem odd. 

They were outside again, sun long set and the people even rowdier than the previous night. Weddings were always an exciting affair among Berkians, but a wedding for two of the original dragon riders and heroes of Berk was something that went above and beyond normal festivities. 

He glanced over to the happy couple, sitting with their heads together and Ruff’s hand placed atop Snot’s on her belly. They were looking down with concentrated faces, until they both jumped and stared at each other. A sudden wave of affection crossed Snotlout’s face as he pulled his wife in for a hug. It was beautiful and amazing and everything the two deserved after the years of hell they’d survived. 

He moved his eyes over towards Astrid, who was sitting with her elbows plopped on a table, watching the dancing with a smile. Her long bridesmaid dress flowed in the wind at her feet. 

Hiccup was about to stand up and approach her when Eret tapped her shoulder. Hiccup froze in his spot, watching as he extended his arm in an offer, saying something that must have been funny because Astrid’s laughter carried to his ears. She shook her head exasperatedly, but took his hand and led him to where the others were dancing. 

It was Eret. Of course it was Eret because who else would it had been that he would even remotely care about? Tuffnut? No, not only does he not have any interest in Astrid but she would have rejected him immediately. But Eret was different. He and Astrid had formed a positive relationship not long after she returned. 

“So what are you gonna do about it?” Snotlout and Ruffnut intersected his line of vision. 

“Are you expecting me to throw a fit because my ex girlfriend is moving on? Because a year ago that might have happened, but I thought I’d changed.”

“You’ve changed so much that you might just let her go to Eret even though that’s not what either of you want.”

Hiccup shook his head. “I’m not letting her do anything. Astrid can make her own decisions and this is something she has to decide for herself alone. Not for me and not for Eret.”

Snotlout tilted his head. “So what if she decided to fuck him? Or date him?”

“Then all the best to her on their future endeavors.” He stole Snotlout’s mug and took a swig before cringing. Ugh, mead. 

“What if she does that and then decides she’s ready for you afterwards?” Ruffnut raised an eyebrow. 

“I don’t know!” He slammed the cup down. “I’m not going to judge her for trying to be happy and I most certainly won’t be mad at her for deciding I’m not what she wants.”

Ruffnut eyes him for a moment before sighing. “She doesn’t want him.” 

“What?”

Ruffnut swung her leg over the bench before continuing. “She rejected him last night, he’s probably just doing this to absolve some of the awkward tension.” Ruffnut paused. “But she thought about it. If she had any feelings for Eret, she would have gone for it.”

Hiccup nodded. “Totally understand.”

“No, I don’t think you do, Hiccup.”

The silence dragged on as Ruffnut and Snotlout exchanged knowing looks. 

“What’s the difference between you and Eret?” Snotlout asked. 

“Besides the obvious?” Hiccup thought of their frames, their fighting style and their accents. 

“Why would Astrid be willing to start a relationship with Eret, but tell you she isn’t ready?” Hiccup was irritated because Snotlout was talking like he was smarter than him. 

“Because we have a load of history followed by a period of bad feelings to work through?” 

Snotlout shook his head. “Honestly it’s a wonder you two have gone on this long. Figure it out yourself, Haddock. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed my wife.”

Hiccup sneered. “That statement would have had a much larger impact if she wasn’t nearly eight months pregnant!”

He watched as the two walked away, wondering what their future would be like. In a month they would have a baby and everything would be different and who’s to say what would happen. Will it be better? Worse? Or the same, just with a child sleeping between them? 

Hiccup was pulled from his reverie as Astrid slumped down beside him. 

“Eret, huh?” He had to get this out of the way, had to understand before they moved forward. 

Astrid frowned. “I was drunk last night, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“You’re not interested in him?”

Astrid shook her head. 

“But you’re interested in me.”

Astrid nodded, looking down at her feet. 

Hiccup took a deep breath. His next words were the game changer he’d been looking for this whole time. 

“So what are we waiting for?”


	14. Forgeplay pt ll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has given me..... so many issues. So here it is, shorter than I wanted it to be, but here nonetheless! Enjoy!

Astrid’s heart hammered in her chest harder and faster the longer she stared at Hiccup. He had just asked a life changing question but despite this, his demeanor was calm. 

“What do you mean?”

“What I’m saying is, why not now?”

She shook her head, trying to clear the cobwebs. She was stuck somewhere between still hungover from yesterday and tipsy from the mead she had consumed tonight. She couldn’t think of a decent response so she turned the question on him. 

“Why now?”

“Because I love you. I’ve loved you steadily over the past eight years, whether you’re here or not, no matter how much I’ve sometimes tried to deny it. Even when I hated you with every fibre of my being I loved you more. I can’t say if you feel the same, but something tells me that if you didn’t then you’d be on Eret’s arm right now.” He glanced up. “But you aren’t.”

Astrid searched his face, soaking in the words and his genuine expression. She wasn’t expecting him to have an answer prepared, especially not one that sounded so rehearsed, like he had spent a lot of time thinking about this. It was all too much and she didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. 

It wasn’t an easy decision to make. It’s not as if she hadn’t thought about it, saying she was ready and living her life with Hiccup. 

But that was the thing. If she said yes, she knew that would be it. That would be her forever: Hiccup and her, Hiccup and kids, Hiccup and growing old together. It wasn’t a bad picture, she just wasn’t sure if she was ready to hang up her careless young adult jacket and put on the mommy suit. 

Then an idea popped into her head. 

“When was the last time you did something without thinking about it?”

Hiccup shrugged. “If I’m not thinking I’m usually too drunk to remember what happened.”

Astrid snatched the mug of alcohol out of his hand and tossed it behind her. “You became the village hero at 15 and Chief at 20. You have no idea the excitement of being a careless teenager.” 

“We aren’t teenagers, Astrid,” he deadpanned. 

“No, but it’s never too late to add new experiences to your repertoire.” She was grasping for straws here, not ready to say yes but too scared to turn away. 

Hiccup leaned back, a glint of amusement in his eye. “Okay, I’ll bite. What do you have in mind?”

“Listen, you can’t say no unless you’re uncomfortable. This is going to seem reckless and that’s because it is.”

“Okay.”

So she grabbed his hand and dragged him away from the wedding, hoping everyone was too drunk to notice the absence of their chief. 

When they reached the forge door Astrid could practically feel Hiccup’s confusion. 

“What crazy act could we possibly do in the forge? Weld too many weapons? Use up all the steel while we work?” He walked in slowly, running his fingers across the countertop and reaching to light the fire when Astrid pulled him to her lips. 

His mouth was hot on hers, hesitant but responsive as she moved persistently until he responded, pushing her back against the tabletop he had just been focused on. She licked at his lips, asking for entrance when he pulled back gasping. 

“What are you doing?” His words didn’t match his actions as his hands travelled down to her waist, thumbs moving in achingly slow motions. She bit back the groan but couldn’t hold back the movement of her hips. She traced her hands up his chest in calculated movements. 

“That night at the forge last year was the hottest I think I’ve ever seen you. Working with your hands and then yelling at me until I couldn’t hold back anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on in my life.” 

Her words had drawn him into a trance, eyes drawn to her lips and slowly moving towards her. 

“This isn’t a good idea,” his husky voice spread the warmth in her belly up her spine. 

“That’s the point. We’re being crazy teenagers.”

She moved in closer but paused at his hesitation. 

“We can stop if you’re uncomfortable.”

She felt more than heard the chuckle rumble in his throat. “I’m far from that. I just know we should be talking about our feelings.”

Astrid stuck her lower lip out in a pout. “You told me you’d play along.”

A smirk played at the corner of his mouth. “This is a dangerous game, Hofferson.”

She responded by leaning in and catching his mouth once more, praying his hesitation would dissolve. She felt more secure as his hands moved to her hair, lacing through and pulling enough to send slight shivers of pain through her body. It served to increase the tightening in her stomach and she found herself pulling Hiccup closer, moving until they were practically glued together. 

She pulled back only to take off his shirt and remove her dress from over her head. She wore only underwear underneath, breasts loose and Hiccup’s eyes were instantly drawn down. 

She could hardly believe this was happening. In a way she thought it would never be possible again. Hiccup was a dream, something she had thought about nearly every night since she was 15 and he began excelling at dragon training. At first her thoughts were angry, then they turned curious until she was all consumed by her complete amazement at the man. 

Sometimes, while she was in the southern isles her thoughts would turn bitter. 

“Hiccup the great, Hiccup the all-knowing,” She had told one of her girlfriends. “He’s not all that great, though. In bed his hands fumble and nerves get the best of him.”

They were young and inexperienced back then, not even knowing their own body’s before they began exploring each other. It wasn’t a mistake, just part of the process of falling in love so young. 

Things were different now. She should have realized that the moment she stepped off the boat and he was an entire foot taller. If Astrid had gained experience through various lovers than surely Hiccup had too. 

She hadn’t realized. 

Moans spilled from her lips as his tongue traced slowly from collarbone to jawline, stopping at intervals to lay open mouthed kisses while has hands worked against her breasts. She was squirming and bucking before long, pulling back to remove his pants. 

“Eager, aren’t you?” His teasing served to slow her down, to remind her that things were most fun when they were a game and she hated to lose. 

She looked down at his tented pants. “Not quite as excited as you, I would wager to say.”

Hiccup reached a hand down between her legs, swiping a finger slowly, teasingly through her before bringing it up to his mouth. 

“Hard to say, but you don’t seem unenthused.” 

They continued on like that, teasing touches instead of the strokes and pressure they both so desperately craved. The longer they went on, the longer the act could continue. They were in a bubble of lust and happiness that could only be popped by the conclusion of the act. 

“Hiccup, please.” She caved, but in her defense he was excellent when knowing exactly to pull his tongue back before she peaked. 

He didn’t taunt this time, merely pulled back with wide eyes and released himself from his pants. 

“This is what you want?”

Astrid rolled her eyes. “You’ve had your head between my thighs for the past 10 minutes and you really can’t tell?”

“I know physically you might want this but.. mentally?”

“You’re what I want.” It was a statement deeper than just sex, words encompassing what she’d been struggling to voice for the past year. 

“I love you, Astrid.”

She didn’t answer, too enthralled by his first thrust inside her. Instead she chose to kiss him senseless, trying to transfer all the unspoken words with the physical action. 

—

Once there clothes were on, Hiccup perched himself on the countertop he had just fucked Astrid on. 

“Careless, yes. Stupid, maybe. Do we get to talk about it now?”

Astrid was retying her dress, wondering if she could maybe distract him by throwing it off again when he reached around and laced it tightly. 

“I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is absolutely. But it’s not the right time for that so I’m gonna like, triple knot this.”

“Okay, so I guess there’s nothing I can do to avoid this very adult conversation then…” she turned, licking her lips slowly watching as his eyes reluctantly dragged down to watch with wide eyed amazement. She leaned forward, careful not to move too fast and break the spell, but she must have miscalculated because she found herself spun around and facing the wall. 

“Clearly you can’t be trusted so we’re gonna have to talk like this.”

She pushed down the urge to stomp her feet. He’d really outsmarted her now. What other option did she have?

“If we get together now, how long until the marriage pressure sets in?”

“Huh?” His face was behind her but she could hear the confusion in his voice. 

“Marriage and then kids like right away. You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about that?”

“Marriage with you is something I’ve fantasized about.”

She turned around, ignoring him as he tried to shove her shoulders back towards the wall. 

“You want to do that all now?”

Hiccup shook his head, opening his mouth to speak but she cut him off. 

“In a year? Five? Ten?”

“I— Astrid I hadn’t thought about it that much. I just figured we’d know when the time was right.”

“But what if the time is never right?”

“Why would the timing never be right? Even if one of us was ready and the other wasn’t then we would just wait.”

“But I…” She took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts and form them into words. 

Hiccup came up and took her by the shoulders, lifting her chin to meet his eyes. 

“You can tell me anything, Astrid. We’ll get through everything together. I want it all with you. The hard, the ugly but most of all I just want you.”

“What if I never want the responsibility that comes with being the Chief’s wife. Right now, we can start dating and be okay for a while. But eventually there will be expectations. People will want us to get married and then pop out kids almost immediately after that. Then I won’t be Astrid, shieldmaiden. I’ll be Astrid, wife to the chief, carrier of babies.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” His wrinkled brow and smile seriously downplayed the extreme dread edging in the pit of her stomach. 

“Of course I am. You’re not a woman, you don’t get it. Embracing the Viking lifestyle means completely erasing everything I’ve worked so hard to earn.”

“I won’t let that happen.”

“You can’t control that.”

“I am the Chief. I will surely make sure my wife stays feared far and wide, whether or not she has a child on her hip.”

She hesitated. “What if I don’t want a child?”

“Then that means more time for us, and that doesn’t sound like a bad thing.”

She turned her head to the side, looking down at her discarded shoes. 

“I don’t want to take away from your dream of having kids. Don’t settle for me now because it’ll lead to unhappiness in the future.”

“I can’t say I’ve ever dreamt of having kids exactly,” he said, moving to pull up a stool and patting the one next to him. When she sat, he continued on. “Expected I would, sure. Only because as Chief it’s been told to me that’s what I would do. But when I think independently, like I’ve been trying to for years, I’ve dreamt of this exact thing. The sex, the talking, the true feelings being expressed.” He leaned forward, whispering softly. “Between you and me, you’ve always been my dream.”

She threw her hands around his neck, squeezing tightly and relishing in the feel of his neck stubble against her temple. He smelled so familiar, a mix of pine and summer sky. It was comforting and relaxing but most of all, it felt like home. 

“I love you too, Hiccup.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!


	15. Bound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... realistically this story could have come to an end with that last chapter but like.. I’m not ready so here’s some more drama in a totally different form.

“I could kill you, if I wanted.”

“But you won’t because you’re smart enough to know that my death will result in the start of a war Berk can’t handle.”

Astrid rolled her eyes, looking into the ocean far below and seriously contemplating if she could survive the jump off Dagur’s dragon. 

“I wouldn’t, if I were you. If the fall doesn’t kill you surely the rough ocean waves will.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Tell me again why you had to kidnap me? I truly don’t understand why you would break the peace treaty that’s been in place for years.”

Dagur let out a maniacal laugh that sent a shiver down Astrid’s spine. 

“I am Hiccup’s master. I can control his every move to fit what I want. He will do anything to prevent going back to war.”

“So what does taking me in the middle of the night accomplish exactly?”

Dagur released his hands from his flying handles and leaned back, practically laying on Astrid at this point. She pushed him forward roughly and relished at his pained gasp as his head made contact with the metal on his saddle.

He rubbed his hairline where a bruise was already blooming. “You’re smart enough to answer this question for yourself, it’s the plan that makes the most sense!”

“If you came up with it, I doubt that any sane person would agree.” 

“You’re the key to everything when it comes to Hiccup. Plus, I want you as my wife. This way I get to conquer Berk once and for all, and you’ll be by my side to see it all happen. There’s no losing!”

“Dagur, I will kill you.” She reached for the axe on her back, glad that the chief in front of her was foolish enough to let her keep it.

“I love when you talk dirty.”

“You think I won’t?” She tightened her grip, spinning the blade to show her intent.

“Like I said, if you kill me it’ll just start a war, and Hiccup will do anything to prevent that.”

Astrid scoffed. “You’ve already started a war by kidnapping one of his citizens and breaking the treaty!”

Dagur angled his dragon to land on the Berserker land below. “You weren’t here before, but you’ll see.”

He threw himself roughly off the saddle and held his hand out to her. She smacked it away and dismounted quietly, watching as the dragon flew off towards the rising sun. 

“So what’ll it be, babe? You gonna accept my hand in marriage and prevent total warfare, or decline and start something your chief isn’t prepared for?”

The answer was obvious. Dagur, though he had proven himself to be cunning, was not the smartest man. It wouldn’t take long into the marriage for him to gain Astrid’s trust and that’s when she could strike. She glanced around at the villager’s frightened faces. 

They didn’t want any part of this. She had no idea how many casualties they had suffered in the last fight against Berk all those years ago, but she could tell they weren’t ready for what their chief had in mind. 

That meant she could kill Dagur and they wouldn’t execute her for it. Well, honestly for that she couldn’t be sure. She would have to wait it out, see how they feel about the deranged man in front of her. If worse came to worse she could do it in the middle of the night, steal a dragon and flee back home. 

But before she could truly talk herself into it, she looked at Dagur. His eyes were wide and his arrogant aura infuriated her. She pictured herself in a wedding dress, saying vows she didn’t mean and kissing a man that revolted her. She saw herself in bed with him, eyes squeezed shut while he attempted to impregnate her, the rotten feeling in her stomach if he succeeded. 

So instead, she smacked him across the face so hard her palm tingled with the aftershocks. He didn’t seem surprised or even angry. He simply snapped his fingers and flipped her off as guards dragged her away. 

\--

The dungeon they brought her to was dark, wet and cold. The stone walls were thick and the metal bars clanged loudly when she shook them. They left her alone, apparently confident that the prison would be able to contain her without them watching. 

She was underground which meant there wasn’t a window for her to see out of. She was able to hear voices above, though the words were muffled and hard to understand unless she was pressed against the low ceiling. 

She shivered as she leaned against the damp wall, closing her eyes and trying to formulate a plan. 

If she knew Hiccup, which she did, then he couldn’t be more than a few hours away. They always met after her and Eret’s spars in the morning, which would be right around now. But odds were that Eret would have asked Hiccup where Astrid was when she didn’t show. That meant that they would have gone to her house, saw she wasn’t there and then tried and figured out what happened and how.

Stormfly was still on the island. That would be a giant red flag. Other than that, she’s not sure how they could deduce it was Dagur that had taken her, other than the fact that there really was no other option. 

So she sat and waited. One hour turned into two and she was pretty sure she was almost through with the third when she heard the whistle of a Nightfury. 

She jumped up in anticipation and listened to the rough landings of 5 dragons. She stood on tiptoe and attempted to push her ear against the rough ceiling to try and make out the conversations happening above her. 

“Brother! Good to see you, though not in record time, hm? I would have expected you here hours ago.”

“Where is she, Dagur?” Hiccup’s voice was calm in a way Astrid hadn’t heard before. It wasn’t the tone he used when they used to yell at each other, or even the one used at negotiation meetings with other tribes. No, this was the most authoritative and angry voice she had ever heard. This man wasn’t just Hiccup the dragon master. This was Hiccup, Chief of Berk. 

“I really don’t think she needs to be brought up for this. She’s down in the holding cell right where she belongs until she can calm down and think rationally.”

“If the fact that she’s in the holding cell and that hand shaped bruise on your face mean anything, something tells me she’s thinking just fine.” A few snickering laughs echoed behind him. Astrid could practically feel Dagur’s frustration. 

“I am declaring war on you,” he started slowly, confusion seeping into his voice. “You should be much more concerned than this.”

“War? There’s no need for that. Let us take Astrid back and we can reassess how the treaty will change. Peace for our people will still be manageable.”

“I will not give her back. She is mine.”

Astrid gritted her teeth. 

“Astrid is her own person and can make her own decisions once she is freed from your makeshift prison. I assure you, she is more than capable of this decision.”

“It is war.”

There was silence for a moment and she wished she could be up there, at least watching for some indication of what they planned to do next. 

“Then I’m taking your dragons.”

“You’re what?”

The ground above her crunched as someone moved. 

“Toothless, call for them. We’ll bring them home and come back tomorrow, prepared for war and using them to our advantage, if we need to.”

There was a loud roar and the flapping of wings. It was chaotic for a few minutes and then, as the flapping faded there was complete silence. 

She jumped when the door to the dungeon like prison cremated open and pools of light spilled in. Squinting against the brightness, she couldn’t see Dagur’s face until he was right in front of the bars. 

“Well?” She asked when he simply stood, staring at her. 

“Well what?” He snapped. 

“What are you going to do now? Surely you don’t plan on fighting against an army of dragons with just your people.”

“And why not?”

She scoffed, arms crossing over her chest. “If I need to answer that then you probably shouldn’t be Chief.”

“I am a great chief!” 

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes! Which is why I know we can win this even without our fleet.”

“Your people will burn and die in agony.” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing; refused to believe that even Dagur would do that to his own home.

“My people are stronger than you weak Berkians, Astrid.”

“If that’s the case then can you answer why you want to marry this weak Berkian so desperately?” She grabbed the bars in front of her and leaned heavily, hoping something would give and she could break free, beat Dagur to a pulp and leave. 

“The best part of this arrangement isn’t that I’m marrying the strongest woman ever, no of course not. There are much more desirable ladies right here on this island.” “He laid his large hands overtop hers and tightened them when she attempted to pull away. 

“The best part is that I’m preventing Hiccup from marrying the toughest and most attractive lady on his island.”

To that, she had nothing productive to say. Any response she thought to give would just be exactly what he wanted to hear. So she turned back to the topic at hand instead. 

“Your people will die for this.”

He shrugged. “So be it. Besides, that would mean Hiccup would actually have to have the guts to follow through with it.”

Astrid’s eyes widened. She understood now. It was either Hiccup gave in, didn’t attack and Dagur won, or Hiccup gave the orders to kill the entire island and had to live with that. 

She would have to live with that. 

“That’s an evil plan.”

“One that will get the results that I need.”

She couldn’t think logically anymore. Not after what she’d just heard. She should have gone with plan A.

She thought on that. Maybe it wasn’t too late.

“Let me up tomorrow when Hiccup comes.”

“Tch. Yeah that’s a grand idea.” He pulled away and began to walk up the steps. 

She shook the bars to gain his full attention. 

“Let me up so I can talk him out of his plan.”

“Why should I believe you after that act you pulled today?”

“Because I don’t want the death of innocent villagers on my hands. And that’s who it’ll be on. Me. I’m the one who’s here, who needs to be rescued. If you truly are going to order your people to fight, and I believe that you are, then I concede.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You concede?”

She nodded, praying that the tears would recede until after he was gone. 

“Let me up there to stop Hiccup and I’ll marry you.”

—

She had no clue what the time was when she was shaken awake. She couldn’t feel her fingers due to the cold, humid environment and the feel of the rising sun on her icy skin was beyond comparison to anything else. Astrid flinched when her arms were tugged behind her shoulders and wrapped tightly with coarse rope. 

“You can speak, but watch what you say. You’re mine now and I won’t hesitate to assert my authority.”

She nodded, remembering the swift punch he had given her before he headed back above ground. He hadn’t said anything about it afterwards, but she knew what it was. 

A warning. A message. A welcome. 

She didn’t know for sure if it had bruised, but from the stiffness of her jaw she could guess. 

She watched as a hoard of dragons appeared on the horizon, moving quickly towards the island. Behind her, people began coming out of their houses to watch the scene that was about to unfold. Some waved hopefully at their dragons, but most stood stoick and silent. 

When Hiccup dismounted she had to fight the urge to run to him. She was the deciding factor on how this all went down. She had to make a smart decision. 

He walked forward, removing his helmet when he was a few feet away from the pair. Dagur’s grip on her upper arm tightened. 

Hiccup, seeming to have read the tense environment, didn’t attempt to pull her to him. He stood a few feet away, staring at her chin with clenched fists. 

“Please don’t do this.” Her voice cracked, raw from all the angry screaming she had done the night before. 

“Dagur is willing to kill all of his people for this. He is willing to die at your hands to prove this point.” She dropped her eyes to the grass below. “I can’t be the reason all these people die, and I don’t want you to have to be the one to give the order.”

“I’m not leaving here without you.” She glanced up to meet his somber eyes, steadily glancing back as if they were having a normal conversation, not experiencing the most soul shattering moment she’d yet to experience. 

She turned her head to Dagur, almost rolling her eyes against his arrogant stare. 

She had to play this right. She couldn’t say anything straightforward or Dagur would know. 

“I want this island of people to live. I am going to marry Dagur and have his children.”

Hiccup’s brow furrowed. “You want to marry Dagur?”

“Yes.”

“And have his babies.” A statement, not a question. Good, he was already catching on.

She didn’t even hesitate. “Yes. It has been a dream of mine to have a purpose for my island. Now I do. Keeping the peace. And tied up in that dream, I will get to accomplish something else I’ve always wanted. Having children.”

Behind them, the rest of the group protested. Hiccup shot up a hand to silence them. 

“Right. So you’ve accepted Dagur’s marriage proposal willingly?”

Astrid nodded. She could only hope Hiccup understood. 

He turned then, whistling for Toothless to return to the front. 

“It seems that there is no reason to fight today. Release the dragons.”

And with that, people and reptiles alike were reunited and the air was filled with glee. Hiccup’s eyes never left hers, even after her wrists were freed and she stayed planted to the spot. 

“Then it seems no peace treaty agreements have been broken.”

“You would be so right, brother!” Dagur flashed his teeth in a manner that had Astrid believing he was actually happy with this. 

Hiccup leaned against Toothless, feigning a casual tone. 

“Congratulations to the two of you then, have you set a date yet?”

“A fall wedding would be wonderful, don’t you think?” She laid a shaking hand in Dagur’s shoulder, hoping her tone didn’t sound as desperate as she felt. 

“Winter is almost here, surely you don’t mean…”

“And why not?” Hiccup shot in. “A Chief if your age should surely be married as soon as possible if you want to be able to father your children properly.”

Dagur gaped open mouthed at the backhanded comment. “Right, well I suppose it is possible to get all the preparations set before the first ice sets in.”

Hiccup clapped him on the back harshly. “That’s the spirit! And since this is a fellow Chief marrying a lady from my island, I assume myself and my crew will be receiving invitations?”

It was slick, but Astrid wasn’t surprised. Hiccup was good. 

“Of course, brother! We’ll be sending them out no later than tomorrow!”

“Then I suppose we should be off. Seeing as there is nothing else to talk about?” Hiccup glanced back to Astrid and she nodded her head once. 

Hiccup stuck has hand out. “Brother, take care of Lady Astrid. I shall be seeing you soon.” He almost seemed like he was having fun, and for a plot second she had to fight the urge to smile. 

She watched as they shook hands and fought the urge to follow Hiccup as he mounted his dragon. He gave her one last look before he took off. 

He was determined. He was angry. He was going to do anything to get her back. 

She sighed in relief. Now all that was left was to wait it out. Plan the wedding. Pray that Dagur remained as obstinate and stupid as he had through that entire conversation. 

She couldn’t be sure what Hiccup was planning on his side. But she knew she had to act her ass off or she might be dead by the time they return for the faux wedding. 

Killing Dagur herself was out of the question now. She wouldn’t be able to gain his trust as easily as if she had just agreed to marriage the first time. No, now she had made things twice as difficult. She was just going to play the role of the adoring fiancé so well that he wouldn’t even suspect anything on the day of the wedding. 

This was the only time she had ever been grateful for Dagur’s arrogance and pride. He was so full of himself that he was blind to her obvious distaste and poor acting. He truly believed she was in this for the long run. 

This was a battle she couldn’t afford to lose. Everything was at stake here. Her island, her people and most of all the innocents on this island being led by the idiot standing beside her. 

“Shall we head to your temporary home, m’lady?” He held out his large hand for her. 

She wouldn’t flinch against the nickname. She would try her best to keep sad green eyes from burning a hole in her head. 

Instead, she slapped the fakest, sappiest grin she could muster up and grabbed his sweaty palm. 

“After you, love.”


	16. The Closet

Astrid was ushered into a small house in the middle of the bustling village. She had never really paid much mind to the Berserkers, never shown interest in anything besides getting the hell off the island as soon as possible. 

“This is where you’ll be staying until the wedding,” Dagur tells her, back stepping towards the door as she took in the mostly empty house. The essentials were there, such as a kitchen table and the hearth with a large pot in it. “I’ll send over some ladies with clothes and a daily agenda.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Daily agenda?”

Dagur nods. “If we’re going to have a royal wedding planned so quickly then we need to be efficient about it. Each day we’ll have a list of things to cross off.” 

That was how Astrid found out Dagur was an organized person. 

She watched that night, from her window, as he ran around in what seemed, from a distance, like chaotic energy, but she soon realized was a pattern. 

He traveled from civilians, to the fishing harbor, back to civilians, then to the medical hut, back to civilians—

It didn’t take her long to realize that she had been wrong about him. 

Dagur, above all else, put his people first. 

She was reluctant to accept this at first, especially after what he had spouted about being willing to kill them all. She watched the village as the sunset with veiled skepticism. The Dagur she had known had always been rough, demanding and ignorant. The man down below worked the quiet efficiency of an experienced chief. 

“It’s just a fluke,” she had said, turning away from the window to eat the dinner that had just been delivered to her door. 

The next day, she was awoken at dawn by a knock at the door. She opened it to see three young girls standing with arms full of fabrics, measuring tapes and pins. 

“Hello Lady Astrid, we’re here to start fitting you for the wedding dress,” the oldest girl spoke first, squeezing past her in the tiny door frame.

“Lady?” Her eyebrows furrowed. She had been called many things in her life, but using Lady as a title had not been commonplace during her travels.

“Well if you’re going to be our Chieftess it only seems fit we begin addressing you by that,” the youngest giggled as she draped fabrics onto the kitchen table.

Astrid couldn’t process what was happening. Dozens of different shades of white and gold were strewn around the room, all different textures and designs. Her arm was snatched by one of the visitors and she felt the cold metal of a tape measure pressing against her bare skin. The implications of what she assumed was a well thought out plan suddenly began to dawn on her.

“Uh, is this really necessary? A simple gown will do, nothing too fancy is—”

She broke off as the facial expressions in front of her shifted from pleasant to distraught. 

“Is this not good enough? Surely we can find something to suit your tastes. Our Chief said things in Berk were different, but if you could describe your vision I’m sure we could bring it to life.” 

The genuine worry in the girl’s tone made Astrid’s palms sweat. She knew this journey might cause her to feel a lot of strong emotions, namely anger and frustration. However the guilt that ebbed at the edge of her empty stomach was surprising and unpleasant. 

“Things in Berk are— simpler. Perhaps a used gown? I’d hate for you all to go to such trouble just so I could wear it once.” 

“Is that tradition?” Now all eyes were on her and skepticism weighed heavy in the air. 

Astrid twisted a piece of loose hair around her index finger. “I’m not really much into tradition.” She paused awkwardly before an idea dawned on her. “Plus you Berserkers have a much different culture than what I grew up in. I think getting married in a gown that had been previously worn by a townsperson would be a great indoctrination into my new life.”

Astrid, if she were being honest, didn’t think she was an extremely great actor. She had always felt being honest was the best option so she didn’t have much practice in the line of lying. Her thoughts drifted to Hiccup, who could make up a false story quicker than most people could even process what was going on. Not for the first time since her kidnapping, she found herself longing for him. 

“That sounds like a unique idea,” the tallest of the three began slowly. “But maybe it’s just too soon to start on the gown. Perhaps we could begin the day by giving you a feel of our village. Have you ever been here?”

She fought against the urge to scrunch her eyes shut. If guilt or lies could drown her, she’d already be dead. 

“Maybe once or twice, but I’ve never been able to pay much attention to the attractions this island offers.”

“It’s the perfect time then.” The three girls walked towards the door, reaching for Astrid’s arm and yanking her towards the sunshine. 

—

Liza, Loly and Lela, whom Astrid had learned were three sisters that were best known for their seamstress skills, spent the morning dragging Astrid around the village. 

“This right here,” Liza began, walking backwards as if she were a tour guide, “is our eating hall. Most of our families choose to eat in their homes, so it’s not super large, but on big celebration nights we all cram in here to drink mead and eat until we can’t move.”

“That’s kind of a trick though, because we already can’t move because it’s so Thor damned cramped,” Loly muttered with a shake of her head. 

Astrid let out a giggle while glancing at the building. True to Liza’s word, it was quite a bit smaller than the hall back at Berk. 

“That’s so strange. You all cook for yourselves every night?”

“And morning. And afternoon.” Lela feigned wiping sweat from her brow. “It’s exhausting.”

“Back home we pretty much gather in the hall for every meal. Hiccup decided it was the easiest way to ration out the food fairly.” 

Liza was now leading them into a small house where she gestured for Astrid to sit at the kitchen table. 

“That doesn’t sound fair at all. The people aren’t able to eat the food they catch?”

“Well everyone has a job. The people who catch the fish do it for the entire village, just like the people who cook do it for everyone. This way all our chores are getting done and everyone contributes.”

Loly shook her head. “I don’t know, doesn’t sound very fair to me. I want to eat what I catch and I sure as Hel am not cooking for anyone besides myself and my family.” She passed Astrid a cup of tea. 

“Really? Huh, I guess we can write that off as a major difference between the two islands.” She took a mighty sip before spitting it back into the cup. 

“Oh my Gods what is this?” She bit back the urge to wipe her tongue on the back of her hand and instead sought out one of the cookies that had been placed in the center of the table. 

“Sun tea.”

Astrid stopped mid chew and gaped at Liza. 

“Sun tea?”

“Yes.”

Astrid had been drinking moon tea everyday since she was 16. Pregnancy out of wedlock wasn’t something she was ever prepared to deal with and she was told this was the way to prevent it. Therefore she was very familiar with the tastes of the herbs that made up hat particular brew. They hadn’t said moon tea, and the flavor was all wrong so she knew for a fact this was not that. Of course she couldn’t tell the sisters that, as her purity seemed to be of upmost importance to Dagur. Based on the names, she knew the two teas were related. 

“Why are you serving me sun tea?”

“Surely you know what happens on your wedding night, don’t you?” Loly rolled her eyes. 

“Yes, I’m aware but what is this wretched tea going to accomplish?”

Loly shook her head. “Didn’t they teach you anything back on Berk? Sun tea helps produce a babe.”

At that, Astrid sat silent. She couldn’t let loose the outrage she was feeling because then her cover would be blown. She couldn’t confide in the girls her fear of having children because that’s obviously something they expect out of their Chieftess. So she opted for sitting there and staring at the half chewed cookie in her plate. 

“It’s not very tasty but it is effective. One, maybe two tries and you’ll be with child.” The sisters didn’t seem to mind her reaction, they were busy cleaning up and pouring Astrid a second cup, despite the first still sitting in front of her.

“Chieftess is going to be a tough role.” Finally, some honesty falling from her lips. 

“That’s true, but I’m sure Chief Dagur will treat you right, just like he has his people.”

Astrid perked up at this. She sensed an opening. She reached for the now lukewarm tea and pretended to sip. 

“Dagur has been Chief a while, hasn’t he?”

Loly nodded. “About 6 years.”

“Those first few years must have been tough, right?” Astrid reached for another cookie and attempted to ignore the dryness in her throat. “I mean, a young Chief is so naive.”

The girls sat silent for a moment. Finally, Liza spoke. 

“The war was rough, yes.”

Busted. Time to just come out with it now. “So you’re aware of all that went down?”

“Probably not,” Lela admitted. “But we know atrocities were bestowed on both sides and that since then things have really been on the come up for us.” Her eyes met Astrid’s then. “He is a changed man.”

To that, Astrid said nothing. She couldn’t tell them about her kidnapping, or the harsh words he had shared or even the abuse he had subjected her to. If Dagur was able to support this village the way these sisters said, maybe it wasn’t her place. 

At least, not yet. 

“Well ladies, thank you for the tour and the fertility tea. I must say I’m feeling rather tired, I think I’ll retire to my room for a nap.” She stood then and headed for the door. 

“But your dress—”

“Yes of course, tell Chief Dagur that I will not need a fitting for a new dress, as I want an old one tailored to me. Also, if you see him tell him to stop by when he has a chance. It seems we have much to discuss.”

—

The sun had long set by the time Astrid heard a knock on her door. She opened it to see Dagur, arm perched nonchalantly on the door frame.

“You called for my services?” His teasing tone grated her nerves and she reminded herself to unclench her fists. This meeting was unavoidable and had a purpose.

“Cut the shit, will you?”

The chieftain pushed passed her harshly and took a seat at the head of the kitchen table. He motioned expectantly at the chair beside him, but she shook her head in obstinate refusal. She would not be slighted, not now.

“We can quit the act for now, all right? Hiccup isn’t here and it seems your beloved townspeople wouldn’t believe me even if I tried. So let’s just sit and have a conversation; fucked up person to fucked up person.” She crossed her arms tightly across her chest, not because she was uncomfortable, but to show him she would remain unmoved until he agreed to the terms.

He eyed her slowly, starting at her feet, which were still clothed in her boots despite the fact that she’d been in this house alone for hours now, and moved all the way up to meet her blazing glare. He raised his eyebrows and Astrid took it as a challenge.

“Fine. What is it you want to discuss?” The humor in his tone did not go unnoticed. He wasn’t taking her seriously.

Reluctantly, she took a seat across from him. “You’re a good chief.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Or at least, your people think you are.”

“Probably because I have treated them well over the past few years.”

“But they still remember.”

He pursed his lips and shifted in the wooden chair, eyes never leaving hers but adamantly choosing to not respond. She jumped on the opportunity to have the upper hand.

“It’s true what you said that first day, on the back of your dragon. I wasn’t there during the war. Sure, I’ve heard the stories and know the atrocities you put upon Berk.”

Still, he said nothing. His gaze faltered, falling to the table for a moment before he lifted his eyes back to hers. This time, the arrogance had dissipated. His expression was guarded and nearly impossible to read.

“But the truth is, I never really thought about what that meant for your people. They fought for you, and some even died for you. All so you could swing your dick around and try and prove you were a better leader than the Dragon Master.

“Except, eventually a treaty was signed. Berk rejoiced, happy to once again have peace and be able to focus on more important matters back home.” She paused, waiting for a reaction, but received nothing. “I wonder, though, how your people handled the treaty. They had not fought for peace. Did they even know what they were fighting for?”

She watched as Dagur clenched and unclenched his jaw several times.

“What point are you trying to make?”

“You had to work hard to regain the trust of your people.”

“What Chief doesn’t?”

“The kind that doesn’t start a war for his own maniacal joy.”

Dagur stood then and walked slowly to the window, his boots echoing loudly in the mostly empty house.

“I was unhinged back then. I made a lot of poor mistakes because of my own immature views on what power was.”

Astrid took a moment to study the man standing in front of her. He was so much like Hiccup right now. Actively analyzing his own flaws and taking ownership of his mistakes. She watched as his eyes flicked slowly outside the window and she knew he was watching his people. 

“You care about them.”

“I am their Chief.”

“You worked hard to show them you can do better, to make up for the war. I can see that now. If you weren’t such a blazing asshole, I would feel bad for misjudging that character trait.”

He turned to face her head on, glancing down at her seated form. “So what point are you trying to make?”

Astrid stood and began to circle him slowly. “You lied to me.”

“Consistently and constantly. You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

She took a deep breath to cool her temper. “You wouldn’t have used your people as a weapon against Hiccup. If he came and was prepared to fight, you would have surrendered me.”

He shrugged then, apparently not minding that his secret had been exposed. “Has Hiccup taught you nothing? Talk is a leader’s number one tool. If you can’t instill fear using solely words, then you probably shouldn’t be in a position of power.”

Astrid rolled her eyes, not really in the mood for a lesson in politics. “So just let me go then.”

“What purpose does that serve?”

“I get to go back to my home island, you can keep your newly found reputation of a chief that cares and no new war breaks out.”

For a moment, she thought the news would surprise him. Surely he hadn’t actually expected Hiccup to come and rescue her from their wedding?

“It’s not going to start a war. The Berserkers and Berk will always find a way back to peace, you can rest easy on that.”

Astrid furrowed her brow. “I’m not really sure what purpose this serves anymore. If you know this wedding will never have any follow through then why am I still here?”

“Who says this wedding won’t be happening?”

Astrid relished in the feeling of her fist colliding with the man’s beefy arm. “Me. Right here. The woman that has no interest in marrying you.”

Dagur massaged his arm but his eyes never left hers. He seemed to be getting more adjusted to her blows everyday. “So what, you’re just going to leave?”

“You have no plans to go through with a war. All I want is peace. If that’s going to be maintained then there is no purpose in this sham of a marriage that neither of us seem very interested in.” 

Dagur open his mouth but Astrid cut him off quickly.

“And wanting to make Hiccup miserable doesn’t count as a reason to marry me.”

“If you won’t marry me then I’ll just kill you.”

Astrid shook her head and bit back a laugh. “We both know I could slaughter you before you even had a chance to make a move.”

“I’ll do it while you’re sleeping then.” His tone was that of a seven year old trying to bargain an extra five minutes of playtime before heading to bed.

She groaned, letting just an ounce of the frustration she had been feeling bubble to the surface. “Now you’re being the same man you were all those years ago when you declared war, except instead of taking it out on an entire island you just want to torture me.” She paused. “That’s it though, isn’t it?”

Dagur shifted. “What’s it?”

It made sense now, in a twisted sort of way. Dagur was still just as fucked up as he was way back when, but now he was attempting to contain it. He was so focused on gaining the trust of his people back that this part of him took a backseat. But now he was bored and looking for something just as destructive that would attract less attention than a full out war.

“You’re sick, you know.” 

She didn’t mean it as an insult, though she could tell by the way he flinched that this was something he had been battling internally for quite some time. He remained silent, conflict obvious on his face.

“I’m an agent of chaos,” he finally whispered, eyes glued to the floor.

“Only because you let yourself be.”

She watched as he crossed his arms and grabbed for opposite elbows and for the first time since she had known him, Dagur looked small. 

“I can’t marry any woman on this island.” His word felt final, but Astrid wasn’t finished with the conversation just yet.

“Why not? It seems as if any woman here would be happy to be Chieftess.” He really was well loved among his people, as long as they felt that he wasn’t planning to send any of them to certain death. 

“That’s kind of the issue.”

“What?”

He didn’t answer and Astrid was growing tired of the one sided conversation, so she attempted to fill in the blanks.

“You don’t want to marry someone who likes you because you enjoy making others miserable?”

Dagur sat back down, head falling into his hands. “That might be true, but it’s not the reason.”

“So then you don’t want to get married and it’s easier if the other person feels the same?”

A shrug. “Marriage isn’t the issue. Having a wife is.”

Astrid’s brow furrowed. “You don’t want a wife?”

Again, he opted for silence. She stood there, fingers twirling her loose braid as the pieces fell into place. Realization dawned slowly and her mouth popped open once she had figured it out.

“Okay, then what about a husband?”

His back stiffened. “That would be more up my alley, yes.”

For the first time in her life, Astrid felt pity for Dagur the Deranged.

“Your people—”

“Would condemn me the same way they should have the day I declared war on Berk.”

“So you pick a woman who would never bed you, never love you, is not from your island—”

Dagur stood abruptly and slapped a hand over mouth. “You don’t need to finish that sentence. I’m the one that came up with the idea, after all.”

Astrid stood quietly, letting Dagur process this in real time. From the way he was reacting, he hadn’t told many people this. Eventually, once he was sure she wouldn’t continue talking, he removed his palm from her mouth and turned away while running his fingers through his hair in a manner that she swore only Chiefs could pull off.

“Dagur?”

He turned and raised his eyebrows in lieu of answering.

“All those crazy things you said you would do... like threatening to kill me… were those real or were you just trying to scare me into agreeing?” The actual question was left unasked but still hung in the air.

Are you still the crazy man you were back then, or is it a front you put on because people finding out the truth is a scarier option?

“Honestly, I’m not sure. Back then I was so wrapped up in power and violence that questioning my sexuality hadn’t occurred yet. I really was just enamored with destruction and chaos.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if I ever grew out of it, or if I just made a conscious decision to stop letting people get brutally murdered on my behalf.”

“Would you really kill me if I left?”

He opened his mouth, but for a moment nothing came out.

“I really don’t know.”

She nodded, at least thankful for the honesty. It confirmed something she already knew deep down. 

Dagur was dangerous when provoked.

“We can work through this together, you know. It doesn’t have to be me you marry.”

He shook his head. “No. You know my secret now which means you can’t leave.”

“Dagur, please. We can come up with a solution that works for—”

He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook roughly.

“I said no. This wedding will continue as planned and you will tell no one of the information you’ve acquired.”

He turned to leave, but Astrid was so angry now that she couldn’t hold back this one last comment.

“It was Hiccup, wasn’t it?” He froze mid step. “The one who made you realize your true sexuality.”

He continued forward after a moment, acting as if he hadn’t heard her words. “You should get some rest. Tomorrow is another busy day full of wedding planning and if I hear you refuse dress measurements again, you will regret it.” With that, he slammed the door shut and left Astrid staring at its rattling frame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, this chapter was so painful to write until I got to the Dagur/Astrid portion. I'm glad to be back, glad to be causing drama and angst and enjoying the mess I've created!


	17. Yaknog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this a holiday chapter despite the fact I'm 2 days late, deal with it.  
> (JK, I'm sorry and I love you all)

Christmas, last year

Astrid stood with a concentrated gaze and tongue stuck out of her mouth. Hiccup watched with wary eyes as she added what had to have been at least twenty ingredients to the pot hung over a simmering fire.

“Okay,” she stepped back, wiping her hands on the apron tied around her waist, “I think that’s everything.”

“Everything except the yak,” muttered Tuffnut.

Astrid whipped her head around, braid slapping the blond man harshly in the face.

“I meant the yak milk,” he corrected, palm hovering over his injured eye. “You forgot the yak milk.”

Astrid shook her head. “Tuff, there’s no yak milk in yaknog.”

Tuff didn’t miss a beat, apparently still wary of being injured again. “Oh, yes of course. That makes perfect sense.”

Astrid, smarter than anyone Hiccup knew, seemed to have a glaring blindspot when it came to yaknog. No matter how many blatant lies, scrunched up faces or sick looks she received when shoving a mug of the abhorred liquid in the hands of any victim too close by, she never seemed to catch on that no one had been able to stomach an entire cup full.

In the years since Astrid’s departure, the team had not continued on with the yaknog tradition. The first holiday after she’d been gone, Snotlout made a joke about it but was quickly silenced when Hiccup left the room, slamming the door behind him. Since then, the topic had been strictly avoided, lest anyone want to bring out Hiccup’s brooding side. 

“I understand why you guys didn’t continue on with this, but I can’t believe you didn’t think I wouldn’t pick it back up.” She stirred the pot, throwing the group a blazing smile over her shoulder that was almost hard not to return. Almost. 

“For the love of Thor, should it be that thick?” Snotlout looked ready to vomit.

“Keep it together,” Hiccup admonished. “You haven’t even tasted it yet.”

“I’m too many years out of practice. I don’t think I’ll be able to stomach it.” Ruffnut looked ready to bolt to the door. Hiccup laid a tight hand on her forearm, holding her in place.

“We have to be strong.” He glanced up at the blonde woman who was currently adding garlic-- garlic!-- to the pot. “This relationship repairing between Astrid and I is all still too new. I need your help here.” He tried his best for a withered baby dragon look.

Ruffnut started, but then looked him once over before snatching her arms away and crossing them over her chest. 

“Fine, but you owe me big time.”

She was right, of course. The yaknog tradition would have been crushed ages ago if Hiccup hadn’t begged them to keep up with the charade. For some reason, when it came to the holiday season, he couldn’t bare to let Astrid down.

He glanced up once again to make sure Astrid was preoccupied. 

“Okay, let’s strike a deal.”

The others in the group turned to him curiously.

“This is Astrid’s first holiday back. She’s been a little down in the dumps because of everything that went down at the end of summer with Kai. We have to make this year extra special. Which means we need to drink extra yaknog.” 

Before the group could release their protests, he set a glass bottle on the table. They ogled it curiously before turning their eyes back to him. The synchronicity of the movements spoke to the strong bonds between the group members, and Hiccup took a moment to appreciate his friends and comrades before continuing on.

“I got this at the last archipelago meeting. Apparently the chief from the west was so impressed with our dragon training methods I spread to his islands he wanted to give me a gift.” He tapped the bottle on the table.

“Alcohol?” Eret asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

“Apparently some of the best and strongest out there.” 

“So what are you proposing?” Tuffnut already had that mischievous glint in his eye.

“Spiked yaknog.”

The group let out a collective gasp. Hiccup stuck his chin in the air, feeling proud of the shock on their faces.

“I’ll sweeten the deal even more, since admittedly, the alcohol won’t change the taste.”

They all leaned in conspiratorially, faces alight with eagerness.

“The person who drinks the most yaknog will be free of dragon stall cleaning for the next month.”

The group, who had been doing their best to communicate in whispers, now broke out in gleeful screams. Astrid turned with a fright to see the group, now sitting formally with their legs crossed and mouths set in firm lines, bottle gone from the table.

“What’s going on?” she asked, hand over her heart.

“Oh, Astrid,” Tuffnut started, standing to envelope her in a hug while Snotlout tiptoed and poured the entire bottle into the bubbling concoction over the fire. “I’m just so excited to have you and yaknog back.” He reached for a mug then, and it filled it to the brim. 

“Cheers.” he raised his cup and then downed half of it before hugging her once more, turning his face so the group could see his scrunched nose.

“I’m not about to be bested by Tuffnut.” Ruff rose quickly and filled her own cup. Hiccup watched in amazement as, within five minutes the entirety of the group had filled their mugs once more. After the collective third cup, he could see the effects of the alcohol kicking in, as Snotlout’s cheeks flushed and Ruffnut’s laughter increased in frequency.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that at all. Normally people have one cup and that’s all.” Astrid sat on the couch beside him, far enough away that she was out of arm’s reach. It had been like that since the incident after Kai. He kept waiting for the opening that he was increasingly less sure would come. Hiccup’s feelings hadn’t faded in intensity, but it was seeming like there was never an appropriate time to bring it up. Astrid never made herself available if it was only him around. During mealtimes she never left first or last, but always with another member of the group. When he asked to speak to her alone, she always had an excuse ready, ranging from axe throwing to combat training with Eret. This was the closest he had come to her in months without another person being around. 

She handed him a mug and he suppressed a grimace. 

“Thanks.” He held up his glass in a form of cheers. 

They sat in companionable silence for a while, watching as the group became steadily drunk. If Astrid noticed, she didn’t say anything. She only got up from the couch to refill his mug that had been sat on the table. Eventually Hiccup found he had lost track of not only the number of cups the others had consumed, but his own as well. In fact, he hadn’t realized his body was buzzing with what could only be described as belligerent energy. He found himself wanting to dance and sing, laughing at all of Eret’s bad jokes and feeling more holiday cheer than he had in years.

By the time Hiccup realized he was drunk, it was too late to come back from it. He stood and stumbled immediately, the only thing steadying him was Astrid’s hand, which was wrapped around his waist because she was still sitting.   
\---

Astrid

“You’re wasted, you know that?” She asked, pulling him back down before he hurt himself. 

Honestly, if they wanted to spike her yaknog without telling her, then maybe they shouldn’t have let themselves get so far gone.

Hiccup shrugged. “It’s good stuff, you want some?”

Astrid laughed and shook her head. “You’re not going to remember a thing in the morning, you know that?”

Hiccup took a sip from his drink and immediately spit it back out.

“This is disgusting. Who gave me this?” He dragged his tongue across the back of his shirt.

Astrid’s jaw dropped. “You mean my yaknog that I slaved over all day?”

“Whatever it is, you could really use some words of advice from a professional.” he proceeded to dump the drink out right there, on her living room floor. Astrid would be annoyed if it wasn’t so entertaining. She bit back a smile.

“You know we’re inside, right? Someone is going to have to clean that up.” She nodded to the puddle by her feet.

His eyes shot to the ceiling, as if thinking the situation over. Then he moved as if to get up. “I’ll go get Toothless. He can lick it off the floor.” 

Astrid watched with wide eyes as Hiccup stumbled across the room and out the door. She waited two minutes before following him out. She cast a nervous glance at the group behind her, worried about leaving them unattended when they were so clearly not in their right minds. She stood in the doorway only a moment before making her decision. 

A harsh breeze slapped her hair around her back once she closed the door and she tried not to flinch at the crashing sound from within the house. She would check on that after she assured herself Hiccup was still alive.

The snow crunched underneath her feet as she searched for the auburn haired man. She didn’t have to look far as she could hear his slurred words coming from the dragon feeding station by her home.

“Toothless, it’s not that bad,” he swayed, grabbing the pillar by his side. The dragon in question was turned away, munching happily on fish and pointedly ignoring his rider. “I just need your help here, before Astrid finds out that her yaknog sucks.”

She rolled her eyes before snatching his hand. “Hiccup, I’m literally right here. Gods, you’re the worst drunk ever.”

“I was just trying to get your holiday spirits up,” he replied, stumbling through the snow.

“A lot of good that did you, right?”

She tried to keep the bite out of her tone, because really, he had tried his best. It wasn’t his fault he was piss poor at planning anything that didn’t directly involve avoiding imminent death.

An idea hit her then.

“Don’t worry Hiccup, I think I’ll find a way to make this just right.”

\---

Hiccup awoke the next morning, thrown awkwardly on Astrid’s couch and with an overwhelming urge to vomit. He looked around before sprinting to the window to see that his companions were spread haphazardly on the hardwood floor.

Once he had returned inside the hut, he saw Astrid standing in the kitchen and cutting ingredients.

“Good morning,” she spoke as if she knew a secret and Hiccup felt his stomach twist.

“Did we-- er I mean did you have a fun time last night?”

She turned to face him, a menacing smile on her face. “Oh yes, I definitely did. Actually I was so encouraged by the strong positive reaction I got regarding my yaknog that I decided to brew enough to last us through the holiday.”

Just the thought of the wretched liquid had Hiccup nearly running for the door again. Truthfully, he had taken it a little too far last night and he couldn’t remember much after his first cup. He was shocked no one had let it slip that they detested the holiday beverage. 

Clearly, they had done their job a little too well. He should tell her, but then he looked at her upturned lips and the giggles spilling out of them, and he couldn’t bare the thought.

“We can’t wait to drink it!”


End file.
